thegirl

I am new here. I am the 23 year-old child of an addict. I am here because 3 days ago I received the call that my mother, who had been clean (aside for prescribed anti-anxiety meds) for a year, had overdosed on heroine. She is alive but I am completely reeling. I feel like I am going through the steps of grieving (out of order and over and over mind you). I am angry, sad, confused, afraid, numb and in pain all in rapid succession. I am so exhausted....

dollydo

I am so sorry, my mother an alcoholic is still physically alive, however, she has been spirtually dead for years, she will die an alcoholic. I have already mourned her passing and that thought process has allowed me to move forward with my life.

She is in the hands of the HP, always has been, accept what you cannot change.

Keep posting, we are here for you.

LoveMeNow

I am so sorry thegirl. My prayers are with you and your family!

NWGRITS

I'm pretty much in the same place in regards to my AM. I know that the call will come one day, but I've had a good 15 years to mourn her passing. I don't know if it's easier because I never really had a mother, instead growing up with a narcissistic alcoholic who just happened to give birth to me. Maybe it's just a natural progression of my recovery. Either way, I am deeply sorry for you and I am praying for you and your family. If anyone gets it, it's this amazing group of people on SR.

Mracoa

So sorry to hear thegirl. Was it a suicide attempt? or was she just dumb and try to resume her normal dose from before she went clean for a year?

I guess the answer doesn't matter. Still hurts to see your parent destroy themselves when you know they know better. My dad has picked up his old habits again after nearly 20 years sober. It's hard enough just knowing he is using again, i can't imagine what you are going through.

thegirl

It was not a suicide attempt, she was actually using "real" heroine for the first time (as far as I know). she was an oxy addict before. What is enraging me right now is having to listen her complain because the family has "disowned" her. this is not accurate. she has been asked not to attend a family wedding this weekend and there are members of my family that are angry and confused. we have all been doing this crap for years. i am sick of listening to her complaints when she is the one that has broken my and my little sister's heart yet again.

NWGRITS

It's always going to be everyone else victimizing or being unfair to the addict. They don't see their role in any of it. I finally had to leave dealing with that to whoever was still masochistic enough to want to take it on. I couldn't do it anymore. My heart goes out to you because I've been there more times than I can count.

Kimm992

I'm sorry you're going through this. It is not easy seeing your mother do this to herself. My mom unfortunately overdosed on heroine a week after my wedding (which I did not invite her to) and she died.

Just want to point out (lovingly) the words you are using like "having to listen to her" and "sick of listening to her"....please know that you don't HAVE to listen to her. If you are listening to her it is because you are choosing to.

My best advice (and you will hear it over and over again from folks on here) is to take back the power you have given to her and take care of yourself FIRST.

I know how toxic my relationship with my mom was at one time...and once I finally started making choices for me and putting myself first things started to get better in my life. It doesn't mean you don't love her. I will always love my mom and I have been able (with time and therapy) to let go of the anger I had towards her and realize that it was the addict that did/said all of those hurtful things and NOT my mom.

Anyway...I am rambling now....but just wanted to say...hang in there...I know it's not easy.