No card this year
 

For several years, my mother has not spoken to me. She'll walk right by me at church and ignore me. Not that I make any effort to speak to her, either.

This has to do with her constant negativity and her continually tellling people untrue, negative things about me--on my part. I never announced I wasn't talking to her. I just simply never called again after one last attempt on my part to have a pleasant conversation. What it's about on her part, I have no idea.

For the first year, she sent me the usual birthday card with a check. Then for a few years, the card came without the check, with flowery exclamations of love. Hard to take 'love' seriously when she's bad-mouthing me unjustly to my own friends, children, and church community.

For the first time this year, it appears there's no card at all.

In a way, I'm glad. The hypocrisy kind of sickened me and actually caused stress every year wondering if this year I'm finally going to point out to her that love is a verb and her behavior is not at all loving. But why would I since we all know that does no good.

In a way, I'm disgusted, seeing that even as she enters what are probably her final years (she's in her 70s), she won't make the least bit of effort to repair any of this damage. I guess she has other children and doesn't need a black sheep like me.

I do understand my mother is going on 87, been doing the dance with her for 65 years.
My brother was always the golden child, however, since I no longer have contact with her, he is getting the brunt of the abuse.

I know that there is no way to repair the relationship with my mother, she is still drinking and as abusive and mean spirited as ever. She is toxic and I want nothing to do with her.

Hope your birthday was as special as you are!

Thank you, Dolly! :-) You gave me a smile.

As the day has progressed and there's no card today either (and she's always on the dot with cards, never even a day late), I find I'm actually quite happy that she didn't send one. I see it as more her problem than mine that she is going to do nothing to repair a relationship with one of her own children. I, mysef, am happy to be away from the negativity. I'm happy not to have this piece of hypocrisy arrive in the mail.

It just baffles me, though, how people can do things like claim to love their children while backstabbing and betraying them.

"It just baffles me, though, how people can do things like claim to love their children while backstabbing and betraying them. "

Cause they are just claiming to love, some do not know how to love, it is all words with no positive actions to back up their words.

Enjoy your day!

In our shop, we carry a line of snarky birthday (and various other) cards, one of which says, "Today Is Your Day.... don't f*ck it up!"

I'd have expected the old dragon to send you that one! :-D

T

LOL, Tromboneliness! Oh, never! She does not THINK she's an old dragon. She THINKS she's a long-suffering saint and martyr who has borne so many crossess (ie, other people) in her life. Including, apparently, me.

You know the many old-styled paintings of the suffering saints on their knees, graciously bearing it all, with their eyes cast patiently to Heaven--in her mind (if nowhere else) that's her.

I feel as if I can relate. Haven't talked to my father in 9 months. He has been in recovery and about 2 years ago decided to cut all freinds and most family out of the picture. I will have to see him this weekend at a wedding and wondering what is going to happen. About 9 months ago I got tired of the selfishness and told him I was done with him. I was tired of trying and being the one always reaching out and writing letters and calling and getting no reply. Especially since he was the one who cut me out of his life without any explanation. I'm sorry you have to go through this with your mother. Just wanted you to know that there are others of us out there who had to deal with the fact that unconditional love is not a guarantee with parents