Holding an intervention

Old 09-16-2012, 08:04 PM
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Holding an intervention

When we suspected my dad was using drugs, my mom and sisters decided it was time to hold an intervention. We decided to invite two very close family friends who had noticed his behaviour recently. (one who had overcome an addiction himself).

when he clued in that we were holding an intervention, he got defensive and angry, and wouldn't sit. (He was partially angry because he would never want me, or my sisters to be in on this, We're 17, 20, and 25.)

When he finally did sit down, we went around the room and talked about what we had been noticing, and he had an excuse for EVERYTHING.

For example, my sister had seen him at a couple of sketchy houses, and pointed out he had been borrowing money. etc. He denied having a problem.

On my turn to speak, I made him keep eye contact with me the entire time. Anytime he looked away, I would stop talking, until he was looking back at me. I cried- a lot. It was so hard to accuse him of having a drug problem.

He still denied it- even when all of us had said our turn. It wasn't until we were starting to doubt ourselves, thinking maybe we're wrong... that I told him I felt like our family was falling apart- something in him clicked.

"Enough". he said. "Ok". I'll never forget that moment. I actually thanked God for giving him the strength to say he'd quit. And he did.

He had a heroin addiction, and had been addicted for four years. I think we may have saved his life. He now goes to regular NA meetings, and has just returned from a half way recovery house.

It's not something I ever want to go through again, but I'm so thankful for having the support of my family there with me. Has anyone else ever staged an intervention? How did it go? What were the persons reactions?
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Old 09-16-2012, 08:18 PM
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I personally have never held a intervention before. I am proud of you and your family. It feels good to hear that your father admitted to his problem and got help. Good for all of you. Thank you for sharing
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Old 09-16-2012, 08:26 PM
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I was a part of an intervention 20 years ago (before I became a candidate for one). My friend is still sober.

We had his family, a couple of close friends including one in AA, his boss and his pastor all involved. He didn't argue at all. I think interventions are very good and they can work, but get someone that knows how to run one to do it.
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Old 09-16-2012, 08:38 PM
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How wonderful. Be prepared that it may not be a smooth road, it may have a few bumps in the road.

How long has he been going to NA meetings now? When was the intervention? My family did the same reading what he had done to him, but my Dad was already in lock up treatment AA. But it was a powerful moment to tell him all that and have him sit there and listen.
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Old 09-16-2012, 09:03 PM
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The intervention was in June, and he's been going to meetings since then. I'm bracing myself for what's to come, because the recovery was not by any means an easy one. His life now has forever changed. We lost our house, he lost his job, and my mom and him are no longer together. I'm worried these stressors will effect him in a negative way.
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Old 09-16-2012, 09:22 PM
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I know, it's hard to not feel like you have to be there to fix it. Hang in there and we'll see where this goes together.
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Old 11-25-2012, 04:24 AM
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Cool

Originally Posted by illiga View Post
...the recovery was not by any means an easy one. His life now has forever changed. We lost our house, he lost his job, and my mom and him are no longer together. I'm worried these stressors will effect him in a negative way.
If he comes up with these as 'excuses' to go back to the way he was before, well, you just tell him that you khow someone who was in similar circumstances.....no spouse and didn't own a house, but all the rest (lost job; lost apartment; lost place for my meager belongings.....how was i going to survive; where to live/sleep; how to eat.....?).....

I got sober the last week of June; the first week of July, my mom needed me to come to CA (I live in TX) and help her out. She was in hospital; she'd been hit by a car (she was a pedestrian), and she wanted me to come help her when she was released from the hospital.....get settled at home; do some work around the house...supplies 'n such.....BUT, when I asked my boss for some time off (a long weekend; a week at most), she told me that if I went, well I shouldn't expect my job when I returned (the job included an apartment, rent-free)..........What the heck!!!! ..................I went, and stayed for almost three months----best thing I ever did for myself.

Of course, when I returned, all my stuff had been unceremoniously dumped in an empty apartment, and I was without a place to live and no income.....BUT I was sober, and the possibilities were endless.....! I stayed sober; continued to grow, etc.; and she.....? Well, her apt. complexes died slowly on the vine to where she had nothing, after which i don't know; I was too busy with my own 'sober' life.

He can do it!!!! ...and like you said, and I said in my first paragraph, yes, these may be stressors, and they may affect him in a negative way, but if he chooses to drink/use over them, this is his CHOICE (they'd just be convenient excuses); he also has the CHOICE to NOT drink or use over them too...........

Here's wishing you all good...................stuff!!!


(o:
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Old 11-27-2012, 10:28 AM
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illiga, your story is amazing. Thank you for posting.
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Old 11-28-2012, 03:12 AM
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Originally Posted by illiga View Post
The intervention was in June, and he's been going to meetings since then. I'm bracing myself for what's to come, because the recovery was not by any means an easy one. His life now has forever changed. We lost our house, he lost his job, and my mom and him are no longer together. I'm worried these stressors will effect him in a negative way.
The important thing to keep in mind is that in the end, whether or not he stays clean is his doing, not yours. We (by which I mean we on the -Anon side of Al-Anon or whatever) have spent our whole lives trying to control, manage, and fix other people's problems, and when a loved one goes into treatment, it's the same way -- we still think we can force solutions... especially since we just did an intervention to get them into treatment!

My wife went to treatment in 1996, after I organized an intervention (hired a professional intervention counselor to fly in and facilitate it). She's been sober and healthy ever since -- but not because I made her stay sober and healthy... because she has made the effort to stay sober and healthy. All the worrying we do has no effect!

Good luck!

T
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