EveningRose

Funny thing, as far as I know, they all get along with each other. Of course, for a brief time, I had two of them each complaining to me about the other and realized things are never what they appear on the surface. But I have no idea what family gatherings were like all those years I didn't live near home, or what they're like now. They can't possibly spend all those meals not knowing what to say to each other. I just know the few years I went, I made great effort to ask various people questions, draw them in, etc. and after what had happened the previous year, I didn't. And the way they all sat around was just...shocking. Strange.

773niki

I was a shy kid, and when I entered my 20s, I discovered social lubrication (aka. alcohol) and that's how I lived that decade. Start the morning with a shot of vodka, sip throughout the day, drink at night, start over. This worked for me for a long time, fully functioning and excelling at work, making more friends than I can count, total confidence in me.

Then, **** hit the fan. The buzz wasn't the same. Fatigue set in. Withdrawals. Rehab. Detoxes. Kept trying to chase that buzz that "helped" me for so long get out of my shell. Never ever happened again. Now, i know what progressive means when it relates to alcoholism.

Now, in terms of social anxiety, yes. I have it. But, what i'm realizing again is that feeling insecure or anxious or uncomfortable is a normal emotion. People who aren't alcoholics feel it too, but they push through it without masking themselves. We drink. So, while I am not the biggest fan of these types of feelings, I'm ok with feeling them for a bit...good/bad/ugly -- as long as I am not drunk, I'll be ok.