Just a tad complicated...
 

The older I get the more I realize just how complex humans are and how relationships make things at least twice as complicated, if not more.

I dated a guy last summer, M, who is a fabulous man, a hard worker, and very generous. He and I broke up because he was leaving for work for 6 months and neither of us wanted a long distance relationship. I met him at the summer camp I worked at.

At this same camp, I met a woman and friend of mine, D, who was my summer camp roommate for 3 summers and we get along great. She is married and I've met her husband a few times.

D and M know eachother, as aquaintances through camp and I am the mutual friend between them. D and her husband want a child, but her husband is sterile. 2 weeks ago at summer camp, D was explaining her situation and noted that they were looking into artificial insemination. M immediately volunteered to donate. This is a man who has never wanted children and I doubt he will ever change his mind. They are signing paperwork next week.

D and I will be working on a committee together over the next year. If she gets pregnant with M's biological child... That's gonna hurt. A lot.
I have trouble moving on once romantic relationships end and I was making real progress "moving on" from M. But now, I have taken what feels like 10 steps backwards and it feels so complicated. It feels like a betrayal, it feels weird, it feels just wrong. I want D to have a child, but I never expected it would an intentional set up by M and D.

There is absolutely nothing I can do about this. It has very little to do with me and I am the one who hasn't moved on from a month and a half relationship that ended a year ago. I could use some words of ES&H about now. I would greatly appreciate it.

Yeah I would get as far away from this situation as possible. That is just pain waiting to hurt you. If she gets pregnant and you end up seeing this man's child grow up, wow. What a world. My well aged mature friend still will not go out with a man I liked decades ago, just because, well just because that's how it is with friends. This woman has no tact. And I speak from the perspective of a woman who didn't have a child for 19 years. I understand her desire but it just might be blinding her. I don't know you, him or her and I'm sure there are some fine altruistic folks out there somewhere that could do this and be happy ever after but it's not in my world. Find some better friends and move on. Good luck.

Wow, I'm sorry that I don't have much ES&H to share with you on this one. I would be feeling the same way that you're feeling now, if not actually acting out on it. It sounds like an exceptionally hard place to be in.

I also have a hard time getting over relationships, even if they only lasted for a month and have been long gone for a good while. I know that for me, I would be feeling very angry, hurt, and betrayed if I were in your situation. It would probably make me feel a little bit out of control, honestly.

I suppose that what has been helping me a lot in therapy is to take a few minutes (or an hour, or however long it takes) to sit and feel my feelings (they're usually coming from some part of my inner child), and just allow myself to feel those feelings without trying to suppress them...

Trying to have compassion for the part of me that is feeling hurt and angry, comforting that part of myself--and also (for me) I would be trying to have compassion for that part of myself that would probably be angry with myself for feeling hurt and betrayed.

This happens a lot in my world, if any of that makes sense. I feel hurt and angry, and there is a part of me that is judgmental and angry towards myself for being so "weak" that I feel hurt and angry over someone's behavior, or a situation.
I have to dissect the feelings in a sense, and allow myself the room to feel all of them, and try to let go of them. If I can't, that's okay too. I think that the most important aspect for me is that I allow myself to feel however I'm feeling, and not try to sweep those feelings under the rug and move on without facing them.

Anyway, I'm still waking up and having my coffee, so I hope some of that made sense. I don't know whether it's helpful or not, but I know that I would be going through a lot of emotions right now if I were in your situation.

Hang in there.

Thanks all. I'm sorry its taken me so long to reply. My mom was visiting from out of town and I spent the last few days in family/vacation mode. I am starting to feel "better" about it. It's still very awkward and confusing. I haven't heard whether it's officially happening or not. I am not over it yet, but I'm getting there. I need to pick up my journal and get it all out. I cried a bit this afternoon for multiple reasons, but I'm sure more tears are coming.
Thanks again.