frustration & losing hope
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Davis, California
Posts: 3
frustration & losing hope
I'm eighteen, a freshman at college & have a very tight-knit family. My Dad has been an alcoholic nearly his entire life, except he was a "functioning" alcoholic until about a year ago. At a glance, my immediate family seems perfect- I have parents who love eachother and love me & my brothers very much, we are financially stable & go on family vacations. My brothers & I have always excelled in school & sports, & my parents come to our school functions.
My dad is an attorney & a farmer (wine grapes), but because of his alcohol addiction, everything is going down the drain right in front of our eyes! My brothers, mom, and me have tried everything to get him to stop. My uncle (my Dad's eldest brother) died because of his addiction to alcohol, all of my dad's brothers are alcoholics, but none are as severe as my Dad. We've had numerous interventions, sometimes my dad would promise to quit, and sometimes he wouldn't. This past Christmas, we got him to check himself into rehab, he was sober for four days. My Dad swore on my life & my mom's life that he stopped drinking. The doctor had prescribed sleeping & anxiety pills to help fight off the addiction. My dad had a drink (we didn't know until the next day because he hid his liquor, as usual), and then proceeded to take his sleeping pills. He took 2 when he's only supposed to take 1, and the next day he rear-ended someone while he had an elderly client in his vehicle. He was mumbling all day & still appeared in court! My mom had to drive me back to college because my winter break had ended & my dad insisted that he come too. He said the most random, absurd things, had slurred speech, & peed his pants. He's barely eaten since then & my mom found a vodka in a water bottle that he had hidden in the bathroom. We talk to him everday about his problem, we tell him that we love him & its hurting both him & us to see him that way. He still drinks, refuses to go back to rehab, & claims that he doesn't have a problem.
To add to this, we have lots of bills that are yet to be paid because of the low prices of wine grapes, loans that need to be paid, and my mom doesn't have a job. I told my mom that in order to save our family financially, she is going to have to divorce my dad. In this event, my mom would still live with my dad & try to get him to sober up, but would not have to worry as much about staying afloat financially. We are all losing hope & feel that my dad is going to die because of his addiction. My dad is only 46, my mom 45, my older brother 20, I'm 18, and I have a 15 year old little brother. Please, if you have any advice that would help tell me. I'm losing all faith & hope.
My dad is an attorney & a farmer (wine grapes), but because of his alcohol addiction, everything is going down the drain right in front of our eyes! My brothers, mom, and me have tried everything to get him to stop. My uncle (my Dad's eldest brother) died because of his addiction to alcohol, all of my dad's brothers are alcoholics, but none are as severe as my Dad. We've had numerous interventions, sometimes my dad would promise to quit, and sometimes he wouldn't. This past Christmas, we got him to check himself into rehab, he was sober for four days. My Dad swore on my life & my mom's life that he stopped drinking. The doctor had prescribed sleeping & anxiety pills to help fight off the addiction. My dad had a drink (we didn't know until the next day because he hid his liquor, as usual), and then proceeded to take his sleeping pills. He took 2 when he's only supposed to take 1, and the next day he rear-ended someone while he had an elderly client in his vehicle. He was mumbling all day & still appeared in court! My mom had to drive me back to college because my winter break had ended & my dad insisted that he come too. He said the most random, absurd things, had slurred speech, & peed his pants. He's barely eaten since then & my mom found a vodka in a water bottle that he had hidden in the bathroom. We talk to him everday about his problem, we tell him that we love him & its hurting both him & us to see him that way. He still drinks, refuses to go back to rehab, & claims that he doesn't have a problem.
To add to this, we have lots of bills that are yet to be paid because of the low prices of wine grapes, loans that need to be paid, and my mom doesn't have a job. I told my mom that in order to save our family financially, she is going to have to divorce my dad. In this event, my mom would still live with my dad & try to get him to sober up, but would not have to worry as much about staying afloat financially. We are all losing hope & feel that my dad is going to die because of his addiction. My dad is only 46, my mom 45, my older brother 20, I'm 18, and I have a 15 year old little brother. Please, if you have any advice that would help tell me. I'm losing all faith & hope.
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Hi Saddaughter,
I can identify so much with your post. My dad's drinking started getting out of control during my junior year in college. He was a functioning alcoholic for years, but it eventually took its toll on his health. But in spite all the problems his drinking caused and all the pleading and begging my mom did, he did not stop drinking until he was ready. He eventually checked himself into rehab and stopped drinking.
Your dad isn't going to stop drinking until he's ready. No amount of begging or pleading from you, your mom, or your brothers will get him to stop. I know this is hard to hear, but you guys aren't responsible for his drinking, can't do anything to stop it, and aren't the cause of it. I think it's a good idea for your mom to take steps to protect your family financially.
While you're here, check out the al-anon forum too. There are a lot of people here that can identify with and understand the problems you're dealing with. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Please keep coming back.
Take care,
JG
I can identify so much with your post. My dad's drinking started getting out of control during my junior year in college. He was a functioning alcoholic for years, but it eventually took its toll on his health. But in spite all the problems his drinking caused and all the pleading and begging my mom did, he did not stop drinking until he was ready. He eventually checked himself into rehab and stopped drinking.
Your dad isn't going to stop drinking until he's ready. No amount of begging or pleading from you, your mom, or your brothers will get him to stop. I know this is hard to hear, but you guys aren't responsible for his drinking, can't do anything to stop it, and aren't the cause of it. I think it's a good idea for your mom to take steps to protect your family financially.
While you're here, check out the al-anon forum too. There are a lot of people here that can identify with and understand the problems you're dealing with. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Please keep coming back.
Take care,
JG
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Davis, California
Posts: 3
thank you so much for your advice, and sharing about your experience journeygal. It really means a lot to me. I know its not anyone but my dad's fault for his addiction, but I'm terrified that he's going to die from alcohol because he doesn't want to get help. It's just very frustrating. My mom is very religious & prays everyday-- she prays mostly for my dad. I pray for my dad too, & i know that God hears our prayers, I just really hope that he'll save my dad.
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