IamHealing

Thought is was the norm that dads drank, moms were figures only, and getting a daily beating was what growing up was all about. Your ears got tough from all the screaming, and you become a master at silence and seclusion. Then it happened...I went to a friends house, and learned a completely different environment could exist. Comparisons got made easily (I was a kid for crying out loud!) and then it dawned on me that my parents were CHOOSING to behave that way.

To this day, a 'feel-good' moment is short-lived. They weren't allowed then, and how the heck do I enjoy anything now? He did stop drinking, 12 years ago. None of us are sure why. We had all moved out by then, and wouldn't you know it, mom took it up to pick up the slack; its her mission now to ensure milwaukee doesn't lose monies.

Being a mom, and seeing the angelic faces of my off spring, I have a hard time imagining treating them anything like I was at their age.

Recently, an event has brought back all the 'joyous' memories I had as a young girl. Almost 40, but feel like a scared little worthless stupid piece that was born a girl instead of a boy......I can still joke and laugh-at my expense.

Any advice for the still healing?

OhBoy

Welcome! There is alot of good people here. Keep posting, it helps me the more I post. One thing you'll see that helps with situations is the three C's:
You didn't CAUSE it
You can't CONTROL it
You can't CURE it.

This is a horrible disease that unfortunately leaves a lifetime of pain to children who grow up with it. It is FANTASTIC that you are not treating your children as you were. Unfortunately it is often something that is passed down. The fact that you are here shows how much you care, you should be proud of yourself!

Know that you are not stupid & worthless. The disease we grew up with is stupid & worthless, not the innocent children it affected.

I don't have any real advice I can give you but I know what it's like to still wake up feeling the pain of growing up with an alcoholic father. ALANON has helped me quite bit, it has helped me work through the pain. Big hugs your way!
OhBoy

Willybluedog

So sorry, your life was much like mine was, a great therapist is a huge help, if you can find an al-anon group for ACA's I belive that would be a huge benefit.

You are not alone, best of luck to you.

Bill