Emmy319

Hi all,
I'm a 36 yr old ACOA, who is just now realizing the major damage her drinking has caused. This is my first post, so please bear with me!

I'll start with a little background ....

My parents are both addicts. They divorced just before my first bday. Drugs kept my dad in and out of prison (currently still incarcerated at age 63) so I never really knew him.

I lived with AM only about 8 years- off and on through my childhood. The rest was spent with a grandparent, aunt,foster care, or friends whose parents would take me in.
Even still, I've always loved my AM wanted a relationship with her, especially after starting a family of my own.

Initially I set boundaries regarding her drinking around my kids, and believed she was on board. I think she was even drinking less on a full time basis until my youngest was diagnosed with asthma and due to AM smoking in the house, I stopped letting them spend the night.

From then on she has spiraled out of control.

Which brings me to last Monday ...

She called me several times that day but I knew she'd been drinking so I didn't answer the first few. When I finally answered, she was crying, begging for help,admitting her problem, ready to quit! I was so excited that I hung IP, made some calls, found a place she could detox, and drove an hour and a half to get her.

Now, 6 days later, I'm left totally confused by my feelings. This is what I always wanted... she took a step in the right direction! So why am I suddenly so angry?
She finished detox and appears to have made I her mind to quit, so I should be happy, right?
So why do I feel like cutting ties with her now, when I know she'll need so much support??

I'm so confused!! Its as if what I know is at war with what I feel....

Melbadaze

We cling to what's familiar. We have our roles. There's a lot of Power Playing in disfunctional family's. Perhaps it's fear that the boat you have all sailed in for so long has been rocked and it takes time to settle.

dollydo

You are having immediate response trauma. You want her to stay clean and sober, but your gut is telling you that it is not gonna happen, so you are already angery.

Detox is just a blip on the radar screen, now the recovery starts, she must remain sober and work a strong recovery program for life. Less than 10% of "A's" actually accomplish that.

In addition, her alcoholic behavior will continue, drinking or not. This is one incedious disease that has no cure, and the longer one has been drinking, the more damage that has been done to the brain itself.

I am sorry, I do understand, I am now no contact with my mother, the marathon drinker,
over 65 years of slamming them down, and abusing everyone she comes in contact with.

Keep posting, we are here for you.

OhBoy

For me if my AW takes a day off from getting drunk, I get angry too. It is very strange. I think it's because I know how to deal with the drunk & the drunks drinking. When that is taken away I'm left with the person I used to love & I want to scream at her "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!!!!! WHY DO YOU SHOW UP?" To see a glimmer of who they used to be is VERY hard for me to see because I know I won't be able to spend any time with that person & the drunk will soon take her place. Then life can get back to normal. Like Melbadaze said, we cling to the familiar.

I was lucky, my AF sobered up & I got to know the real person. Eventually all the anger went away & we were able to love each other again. He worked so damned hard at it, he was special. I hope this is the outcome you have with your AM.
OhBoy