MasterLock

so my dad has been drinking for about a month now. He drinks to the point where he can't even stand normally and then either stops or goes to the hospital. He has a pretty long history of doing this. My mom and I refuse to tolerate this any longer and want him out of the house, but we are not going to just kick him out on some random street like he keeps asking us to do right now.

My dad is now delusional, smells like hell since he hasn't showered in a month and pukes/spits everywhere including himself, and can barely walk. He asked for help today but refuses to go to the hospital. I wanna know who I can call to help him out in this situation. I think the best choice would be the hospital, but he refuses any discussion, unless it's a special hospital for druggies and insane people.

scrambled2012

Hi Lock,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hositals under these circumstances will only really treat the acute situation, to my knowledge. Once the patient improves physically & mentally, he or she is released. It looks like your dad could use a longer term inpatent drug & alcohol treatment program. Specifics beyiond that I do not know of, but you could check listings that advert with this site along with google searches, and cross reference these with the type of medical cover your dad has.

best wishes~~~

Willybluedog

Check with the Salvation Army and your County Health Department or Department of Social Services, any of them should be able to get him some help. Are you going to Al-anon?

I will say a prayer for all of you.

Bill

ACOAHappyNow

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I agree with WillyBlueDog, I think those resources are excellent places to start. May I also suggest Al-Anon or ACA meetings? It's wonderful you have come here and I hope you keep coming here, I hope you find the wonderful support here I have found, but just to add an extra layer of support, the real-life meetings might be helpful to you in remaining strong through this ordeal and retaining your sanity and spirit in the face of such a nightmare. I hope the higher power will watch over you and protect all of you.

Kialua

Yes, sounds like you have been through this for a long time? This is a good place for support for what you have been through. It's pretty hard to get any treatment if one isn't agreeable. You could try a psych evaluation when he is at his worst. If he does anything like threaten or destroy stuff that you could call the police about. That will give him a 30 day lock up and a reprieve that you may be able to him to agree to enter a facility like Hazelton but that is big bucks unless you have really good insurance.
Good luck and let us know how it's going. Praying for you.

dbh

Dear MasterLock:

I can relate. My alcoholic father ended up developing dementia when he was in his late 60s. He started acting bizarre and it was hard to separate his alcoholism from the dementia/mental illness.

I'm not sure how old your father is, but I got a lot of help by calling the Department of Aging for the county in which he lived. I kept calling different agencies and honestly telling his/our story until I found help. Although it was awful when I was going through it, the experience ended up having a therapeutic affect on me. After keeping secrets for all of my life is was freeing to finally tell the truth.

My dad lived alone and was basically at a point where he couldn't take care of himself anymore. It took a couple of months and hospital visits before we found a facility, within his income level, that could take him in.

Unfortunately, if your father is still capable of making his own decisions there is absolutely nothing you can do for him unless he wants and accepts help.

It's EXTREMELY important that both you and your mother make sure you take care of yourself. I had to determine how much I wanted to give and then gave the rest up the my father's HP. There were so many things that were beyond my control. I also had to accept that I couldn't fix the lifetime of damage that my father had done to himself.

During this extremely stressful and emotional period of my life, Al-Anon and ACA meetings helped keep me sane.

Keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers.

db

dbh

Addicts seem to be good at forcing blame onto other people. Just wanted to add that if your dad ends up on the streets it a consequence of HIS actions and not due to you or your mother.

My parents divorced when I was fifteen years old. Because of my father's alcoholism and gambling addiction we needed to sell our home. I think my mother looked at it as an opportunity to break free from my dad.

She did all the work in selling the house, finding us an apartment to live in, packing, moving, etc. My father did absolutely nothing AND didn't look for a place to live. I think he assumed my mother would change her mind.

He owned a business at the time (ended up eventually losing that too). My siblings and I were heartbroken because he slept in his business on a lawn chair for MONTHS after their separation. We begged my mother to let him come live with us. I'm so glad she refused.

Eventually he found a room in a boarding house which was pretty much filled with other alcoholics.

Although it made me sad and embarrassed, this was the life that he chose to have and there was nothing I could do to change it.

Hope you find peace.

db

daughterofAF

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm dealing with the same thing with my dad age 60 and has been drinking for 30 yrs. he lives alone and lost his job this past nov. he has been to detox at hospital 2x and once to rehab. He has horrible short term memory and seeing him is sooooo sad. He also rarely eats...just drinks Gatorade. He drinks straight liquor. Everyone tells me that he has to want help and has to make the decision. Now my dad needs to go to the hospital but I can't convince him. I'm waiting to be honest until something bad happens health wise. I know he is detorriating. He is losing weight.

Does your dad want to go to treatment. Unless the facility has detox there he would need to go to a hospital to test detoxed. In the past with my dad I researched facilities and called and talked to admissions and gave thems my dads story and then presented options to my dad- which he never unfortunately took a liking to.
I know it's hard to see him like that. My dad consumes my mind. Take care of yourself. You can't fix him. He has got to want to fix himself.