DesertEyes

Help wanted...

Our "sticky post" section is a bit thin. I could use a little help filling it up. If you guys will post on this thread links to any books you think are useful I'll put the links up in the "stickys" for future reference.

thanx

Mike
Moderator, SR

cb12

I found the book "Perfect Daughters" by Dr. Robert Ackerman to be really helpful. I don't have a link, but I've seen it at Barnes and Noble many times.

DavidG

Hi Mike,

This is silly inner child sort of question... but where do we post it...? Here?
The resources sticky is closed.

I recently got Tony A.'s Laundry list book. It puts the programme together in a really simple, easy to understand way. its out of print, but can be bought second hand.

thanks mate,
David.

Kialua

I did like the original Adult Children of Alcoholics. Here is the new updated one:

Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet G. Woititz (Nov 1, 1990)
Amazon.com: adult children of alcoholics: Books

Kialua

I also liked this one on Boundaries
Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't
by Henry Cloud and John Townsend (Nov 1, 1996)
Amazon.com: Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't (0025986210847): Henry Cloud, John Townsend: Books

Here is an interesting book that has the steps workbook with it about forgiving guilty parents.
Amazon.com: Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Ourselves: Healing Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families (9780830757237): David Stoop: Books

__________________

ACOAHappyNow

Oh I love all those suggestions! I read "Perfect Daughters" and can second that one, for sure!

DesertEyes

ooops !!! um, yeah, that was a silly inner child sort of goof I made

Yes, please post all the book links on this thread right here, along with any discussion on the particular book. What I will do is merge the various book threads that are spread all over the place into a single thread and then move that new thread up into the stickies.

Thanks for pointing that out, David

Mike
p.s. We keep the sticky posts locked because they show up on Google searches for _decades_. Then some new person in a world of pain arrives here thru a Google re-direct and has no idea that they dropped into the middle of a sticky post that most peeps won't look at.

Olemisslauren

"Perfect Daughters", as mentioned above, is an all time favorite of mine. I felt the experiences, stories, & situations shared were exactly like what I've experienced. Also, it includes lots of information on healing your inner child, and getting past those feelings that still haunt you today. It's my "Bible" of ALL of the ACOA books I've read. And I've read a lot of them!!!

ladyscribbler

The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. I actually got this book years before I started any type of formal recovery process and it had a huge impact on my life. Part self help book, part workbook. This was actually the book that prompted me to read Codependent No More and start examining some of my deeper issues from growing up in an alcoholic home that were affecting me as an adult.
http://http://www.amazon.com/Artists...he+artists+way

DesertEyes

Thanks for the references, done added to the stickies.

Mike

NWGRITS

I have a file somewhere on one of my computers of a book list I was compiling for this forum. And then I had a baby and never finished it. Oops. I can try to dig it back up!

In the meantime, I personally loved My Mama's Waltzfor daughters of alcoholic mothers. Emotional Blackmail is another good one. Of course, From Survival to Recovery. I'm sure I can come up with more when I'm actually standing in front of my bookcase.

FeelingGreat

I like 'When I Say No, I Feel Guilty' by Manuel J Smith. It's not specific to alcoholic relationships but has good practical scripts for dealing with manipulation by parents or other family members.

happybeingme

For me my go to books are:
Learned Optimism by Martin EP Seligman. I suffer from depression and am medicated but this book offers tools that have been hugely helpful in living with my depression
The other is
Mothers Who Cant Love by Susan Forward.
Both books are available new, used and ebook format

PlasticInsanity

After The Tears - Truly, an amazing read. I fully recommend it.
After the Tears: Helping Adult Children of Alcoholics Heal Their Childhood Trauma: Jane Middelton-Moz, Lorie Dwinell: 9780757315138: Amazon.com: Books

The Adult Children of Alcoholics Syndrome - Very good book.
Adult Children Of Alcoholics Syndrome: A Step By Step Guide To Discovery And Recovery Book by Wayne Kritsberg | Mass Market Paperbound | chapters.indigo.ca

DesertEyes

Thanks everybody, I updated the sticky

Mike

Carlotta

Which one would you recommend for a very gentle start?
I know I still have some ACOA issues and I have been having nightmares and flashbacks lately. I grew up with an alcoholic father and a pill popping mother and was physically, verbally and emotionally abused. I had buried a lot of it but it is starting to pop back up.
I tried reading the thread on working the steps as ACOA and just could not keep on. I also borrowed "Perfect Daughters" from the library and I got some really bad anxiety attack and could not finish it.
Sorry if I sound a bit crazy.

DesertEyes

My personal favorite for gentleness is Susan Forward. I find her writing to be very kind and compasionate. I suggest browsing thru a local library so you can take as much time as you want reviewing a book and not be pressured into buying it.

No worries, the steps are just _one_ of many different techniques to recovery. None of the techniques work for _everybody_.

Good heavens no, you do _not_ sound at all crazy. You sound like everybody else here; injured and healing.

Mike

Carlotta

Thank you Mike.
I am not a youngster but I know I need to address those issues. I have worked the steps (successfully) with AA and Al Anon but when it comes to that stuff, I really don't want to step it. I think I probably still have tons of layers of denial going, just thinking about it makes me panicky.

DesertEyes

AA and Al-anon are entirely different programs for completely different issues. They are about adult people dealing with the wreckage of adult decisions gone wrong. We are dealing with the wreckage of what _other_ people did to _children_. That is why we have our own program.

In that case, the full blown 12 step "inventory" is clearly not the best "tool" for your needs. One of the many suggestions in ACoA is to _not_ tackle all of our issues at once. Instead pick just _one_ small issue that is not that big a deal and use it as a form of practice. You mention that "thinking about it makes me panicky", what if you were to take just _that_ one issue, just that one feeling of panicky when you think about it and make that your first goal "practice issue"? Just the panicky feeling and only when you "think about it". Nothing more.

What I did as my first practice issue was to work on my feelings that I was unworthy. I decided to buy _one_ small potted plant and keep it in my kitchen. That's it. Nothing more. Just _one_ little plant. The purpose was to make _one_ decision, _one_ action, simply because I was worthy of having something nice in my living space.

I cannot tell you how _difficult_ that was for me. But I did it. Ok, so the plant died, but I got another one, and that one lived a little longer, and then I got a flower. It tooke me _years_, but little by little I made progress.

I think in the other programs they call it "Baby Steps".

Mike

Carlotta

Thank you so much Mike
I like the idea of baby steps and just starting on the panicky at the idea of tacking those issues thing.