My Mom
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Brooklyn NY
Posts: 156
My Mom
Hello everyone, I normally post on the friends and family forum about my fiance but I thought I should post here cause this is time it's about my mom....
Where do I start? I'm going to try to make this as short as possible.
My mom has been an addict my whole life. She went from alcohol to pills to Meth and well, now she just uses whatever she can get her hands on. I though she had hit her rock bottom just recently. She was broke, couldn't pay her bills, her house burnt down, no family around to rescue her anymore. So, she said she wanted to be done with the drugs and that lifestyle. She said she wanted help, she wanted rehab. My older sister offered to take her in and help her get into treatment. I really thought this was going to work but of course, as it turns out it's not working so well. She's pretty much given up on the idea of treatment. She's not taking getting into recovery serious at all. I've come to the conclusion that when she agreed to go live with my sister, she thought it was going to be a free ride for her and that she wasn't going to have to seek out treatment. She's been acting like a teenager, saying that she's bored sitting in my sisters house all day, saying that she wants to go out to the bars and clubs. I try to tell her that she needs to fill her time with meetings and her outpatient until she can get into an inpatient rehab but she doesn't want to hear it.
She is in the hospital right now cause of her COPD but I don't believe that that's the only reason she went to the hospital. She also went to get a quick fix of some meds, she is known for doing that. I just spoke to her not too long ago and of course she doesn't want to hear anything I have to say. I know my words of concern are just falling on deaf ears. This addiction has such a strong grip on her and it's not going to let go.
My mother is not ready to get help. She doesn't want to stop. She blames everybody but her herself for everything that has ever gone wrong in her life. She takes no responsibility for anything. As far as she's concerned she's just fine. But the reason I am posting is because I am coming to the realization that if my mother chooses not to get help, she is going to die. This addiction is going to take her under and there's nothing me or my family can do about that. We tried and tried and nothing has worked cause she doesn't want it, she doesn't want recovery, and I am having a very hard time accepting that. It's breaking my heart knowing that I need to let go and let god take care of her. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through but I know I need to detach myself cause I can't watch her kill herself anymore. It's too much and it's destroying me inside. I'm just needing some support and words of encouragement. I really don't know how to handle this....
Where do I start? I'm going to try to make this as short as possible.
My mom has been an addict my whole life. She went from alcohol to pills to Meth and well, now she just uses whatever she can get her hands on. I though she had hit her rock bottom just recently. She was broke, couldn't pay her bills, her house burnt down, no family around to rescue her anymore. So, she said she wanted to be done with the drugs and that lifestyle. She said she wanted help, she wanted rehab. My older sister offered to take her in and help her get into treatment. I really thought this was going to work but of course, as it turns out it's not working so well. She's pretty much given up on the idea of treatment. She's not taking getting into recovery serious at all. I've come to the conclusion that when she agreed to go live with my sister, she thought it was going to be a free ride for her and that she wasn't going to have to seek out treatment. She's been acting like a teenager, saying that she's bored sitting in my sisters house all day, saying that she wants to go out to the bars and clubs. I try to tell her that she needs to fill her time with meetings and her outpatient until she can get into an inpatient rehab but she doesn't want to hear it.
She is in the hospital right now cause of her COPD but I don't believe that that's the only reason she went to the hospital. She also went to get a quick fix of some meds, she is known for doing that. I just spoke to her not too long ago and of course she doesn't want to hear anything I have to say. I know my words of concern are just falling on deaf ears. This addiction has such a strong grip on her and it's not going to let go.
My mother is not ready to get help. She doesn't want to stop. She blames everybody but her herself for everything that has ever gone wrong in her life. She takes no responsibility for anything. As far as she's concerned she's just fine. But the reason I am posting is because I am coming to the realization that if my mother chooses not to get help, she is going to die. This addiction is going to take her under and there's nothing me or my family can do about that. We tried and tried and nothing has worked cause she doesn't want it, she doesn't want recovery, and I am having a very hard time accepting that. It's breaking my heart knowing that I need to let go and let god take care of her. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through but I know I need to detach myself cause I can't watch her kill herself anymore. It's too much and it's destroying me inside. I'm just needing some support and words of encouragement. I really don't know how to handle this....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: California
Posts: 147
Hi Krystal,
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Having loved ones in the hospital for any reason is scary.
My dad is an alcoholic and I had that very realization about a year ago-- that if he didn't get help this disease would kill him. I flipped out for a good week, worried about getting that phone call. He had a series of medical issues in late January of 2011 that triggered my anxiety about his possible death from this disease.
In my experience, it takes a lot of energy to be worried about things that haven't happened yet. My dad hasn't died yet from his addiction and I can't spend my life worrying about when he will die. I know in the back of my head that if he doesn't get help soon, his life is in serious danger, but there's nothing I can do. At the same token, I can't spend my life worrying that my other family members and friends will die in the next moment, because I would be frozen with fear.
She hasn't died yet and although this disease may kill her, that was her choice. She knows the risks involved and she takes those risks willingly.
Hugs,
CB12
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Having loved ones in the hospital for any reason is scary.
My dad is an alcoholic and I had that very realization about a year ago-- that if he didn't get help this disease would kill him. I flipped out for a good week, worried about getting that phone call. He had a series of medical issues in late January of 2011 that triggered my anxiety about his possible death from this disease.
In my experience, it takes a lot of energy to be worried about things that haven't happened yet. My dad hasn't died yet from his addiction and I can't spend my life worrying about when he will die. I know in the back of my head that if he doesn't get help soon, his life is in serious danger, but there's nothing I can do. At the same token, I can't spend my life worrying that my other family members and friends will die in the next moment, because I would be frozen with fear.
She hasn't died yet and although this disease may kill her, that was her choice. She knows the risks involved and she takes those risks willingly.
Hugs,
CB12
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Brooklyn NY
Posts: 156
Thank you cb, you're right, I'm going to drive myself crazy worrying about something that hasn't happened yet. It's just like a punch in the stomach finally accepting that there's nothing more I can do but I can't let it take over me
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Hi Krystal,
My mom has been hospitalized near death twice in the last 18 months from alcohol related heart disease, she drinks 6 bottles of wine a day.
According to her she is fine, her doctors are idiots, we are all morons, etc.
With the help of a great therapist I have learned to work on the things in my control and let the rest go.
Place the responsibility with the person it belongs to and leave it there.
The serenity prayer helps a tremendous amount in times like this.
I will pray for you and your family, I hope you can find peace for yourself, if you need support we will be here for you.
Big hugs,
Bill
My mom has been hospitalized near death twice in the last 18 months from alcohol related heart disease, she drinks 6 bottles of wine a day.
According to her she is fine, her doctors are idiots, we are all morons, etc.
With the help of a great therapist I have learned to work on the things in my control and let the rest go.
Place the responsibility with the person it belongs to and leave it there.
The serenity prayer helps a tremendous amount in times like this.
I will pray for you and your family, I hope you can find peace for yourself, if you need support we will be here for you.
Big hugs,
Bill
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Brooklyn NY
Posts: 156
Bill- The denial just baffles me. According to my mother it's everyone else who has the problem, not her. It has always been that way. It just gotten worse the harder she's fallen into her addiction.
Thank you everyone for all the kind responses. It helps so much to know that there's other people who completely understand what I'm going through.
Thank you everyone for all the kind responses. It helps so much to know that there's other people who completely understand what I'm going through.
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