Lilmssunshine

Her Mom wasn't an alcoholic or her father wasn't a sex addict.

I wonder how much of these issues cause her to be the way she is or if there are other underlying issues for her behavior.

She never felt like her parents cared about her school. So she dropped out in 9th grade. She always told me to study and do my homework but that was the extent of it. She is continuing the cycle from her parents in not being supportive of education. Shes constantly trying to talk me out of going to school next semester. And why it wasnt wise for me to go to school this semester. If I get a 95% on a paper she judges me for not getting a 100%. Its not coming from a place of you can do better next time! It comes from a jealous place. I feel like she isnt proud of me. I feel like she is jealous of my drive to get a degree. I need her support. Even though education isnt important to her I need to to understand that its important to me. When did she stop being a mother?

She is so hateful to me the way she speaks. Like im some arch enemy. Moms are supposed to be loving.

I have to constantly give myself words of affirmations. In order to not allow her to mess with my self esteem. And its hard not having anyone who is encouraging. The person I am going NC w/because of his alcoholism was the only other person who gave me words of encouragement with school, work etc. I think thats why I latched on to him so much even though he was unhealthy with his addiction because he was the only one who gave me what I needed emotionally. Im learning I can find a healthy person who can give me words of affirmations and give myself it too. But it would be nice to have that in my life right now. Its rare to get emotional support with the people I have to be around at the current moment. My Mom is unable to give love, support, forgiveness, or any other positive anything. Its sad to say but I miss my alcoholic "lover". Because I feel like I dont have any other emotional support

holingask

Sometimes, there is a time in your life when you feel as if you should let go of the one you love... But then, you start looking at all the factors and realize that, despite everything you want them forever and then longer.

dbh

My alcoholic father had two alcoholic parents. Although he didn't talk much about his childhood, I know they were bringing him to bars at a very young age and his father was physically abusive.

When I started my own ACA recovery work, knowing my father's history helped me to look at my life differently. I saw the cycle of addiction in my family and I became determined to have this cycle stop with me.

I do still wonder who my father would have been if he was raised under different circumstance. I'm so grateful for all the on-line recovery support I have received over the years. Would my father have "found" recovery if he was living now?

Knowing my father's background also helped me forgive him. I was able to see both of us as victims of addiction.

HOWEVER, his past doesn't excuse his actions or lack of action (he was a horrible father!)

I think there comes a time when everyone needs to accept responsibility of their own life. My dad was constantly blaming other people for how his life turned out.

In the ACA literature they talk about "becoming your own loving parent". I know I eventually got to a painful part of in life where I had to accept who my parents were and also accept that they were never going to be the parents that I needed/wanted.

I'm trying so hard to be that loving parent for myself. So many people have let me down in my life, I don't want to let myself down too.

Thank you for bringing up the topic and for letting me ramble/share.

db