Intro and Question
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 20
Intro and Question
Hello,
Never thought I'd be posting on something like this, but I am a 31 year old female whose mother has had a drinking problem for the past 6 years. Her youngest sister died of cancer in 2004 and because she never dealt with the grief, this has been the result. It has ruined many holidays and family outings. As of 2010, it looked like things were getting better. However, my parents were visiting for Easter (my sister and I both live in the same area, about 7 hours away from them) and I came over to my sister's place tonight to find that my mother was really drunk and had passed out in the guest room. My dad had gone home this morning and my mother was planning to stay for the week to help out around the house, and my dad would return on Friday. I called him and he is going to come get her tomorrow. We have also gotten in touch with a friend of hers who is a nurse and will be able to recommend a place where she can get help - even if it is an in-patient type of place.
My mother is not happy about going back with my dad and keeps claiming that she has asked him for help for years and he has said he cannot help her. This is obviously not the whole story, and she also claims that neither my sister nor I have helped her and that we hate her, so obviously, there is some irrational thinking going on. But my dad is not great about handling this type of thing and it's been going on for several years now, so in some ways, I don't blame him. However, I am VERY concerned that if he says anything to set her off, something bad is going to happen. Is anyone else in this situation, where one parent cannot cope with the other parent's drinking? What do you do - how do you handle this? I know I cannot control them, and they are adults, but I am worried that I will get a phone call one day with my father telling me that my mother has done something to herself. Sorry, it's late and I'm just worried because I am not sure how much more of this I can take.
Never thought I'd be posting on something like this, but I am a 31 year old female whose mother has had a drinking problem for the past 6 years. Her youngest sister died of cancer in 2004 and because she never dealt with the grief, this has been the result. It has ruined many holidays and family outings. As of 2010, it looked like things were getting better. However, my parents were visiting for Easter (my sister and I both live in the same area, about 7 hours away from them) and I came over to my sister's place tonight to find that my mother was really drunk and had passed out in the guest room. My dad had gone home this morning and my mother was planning to stay for the week to help out around the house, and my dad would return on Friday. I called him and he is going to come get her tomorrow. We have also gotten in touch with a friend of hers who is a nurse and will be able to recommend a place where she can get help - even if it is an in-patient type of place.
My mother is not happy about going back with my dad and keeps claiming that she has asked him for help for years and he has said he cannot help her. This is obviously not the whole story, and she also claims that neither my sister nor I have helped her and that we hate her, so obviously, there is some irrational thinking going on. But my dad is not great about handling this type of thing and it's been going on for several years now, so in some ways, I don't blame him. However, I am VERY concerned that if he says anything to set her off, something bad is going to happen. Is anyone else in this situation, where one parent cannot cope with the other parent's drinking? What do you do - how do you handle this? I know I cannot control them, and they are adults, but I am worried that I will get a phone call one day with my father telling me that my mother has done something to herself. Sorry, it's late and I'm just worried because I am not sure how much more of this I can take.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,437
Hi, welcome. I experienced this as a child, and until my alcoholic father was 80. My mother could do nothing to curtail his drinking but she really didn't even try AA or anything. You certainly do have your hands full. Are you talking about taking her to a treatment place?
It's very important that you and your Dad become knowledgeable about alcoholism and it's ins and outs. It's very typical that your Dad can't handle this. He should try Alanon to learn more about it if he hasn't and you too. Alcoholics can be very hard to handle and impossible to control. I'm sorry this is happening to you, I know it's very hard on you and your family.
Hang in there, do some reading around here. Others will be along with their information, probably much better than mine.
It's very important that you and your Dad become knowledgeable about alcoholism and it's ins and outs. It's very typical that your Dad can't handle this. He should try Alanon to learn more about it if he hasn't and you too. Alcoholics can be very hard to handle and impossible to control. I'm sorry this is happening to you, I know it's very hard on you and your family.
Hang in there, do some reading around here. Others will be along with their information, probably much better than mine.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 20
Thank you - well, we are hoping to get a call from my mother's nurse friend tomorrow and she can probably recommend a few different types of treatment centers where they live. My mother is not an alcoholic in the sense that she needs it to get up in the morning, but the incident tonight just proves that she has no control over her drinking. So I am not sure what is best, but I am hoping my mom's friend will know. In some ways, I feel like checking her in to some place is the best thing because she will be safe there, not only from herself and the drinking, but away from my dad, who she sees as a problem in all of this.
I have suggested in the past that my father go to see a counselor himself about all of this, but he's a typical "man" in that he doesn't like to admit weakness, so since he's an adult, I can't exactly make him go. AND since we do not live close, we can't do family therapy either. So while I can tell him until I am blue in the face, I can't force him, ya know? I will suggest that he try to read up on it though, and maybe he will see that this is a real disease.
I have suggested in the past that my father go to see a counselor himself about all of this, but he's a typical "man" in that he doesn't like to admit weakness, so since he's an adult, I can't exactly make him go. AND since we do not live close, we can't do family therapy either. So while I can tell him until I am blue in the face, I can't force him, ya know? I will suggest that he try to read up on it though, and maybe he will see that this is a real disease.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,437
Yes. There are all kinds of different alcoholics. My Dad held a job and never missed a day at work. But he also never missed a night of drinking or beating us. If there is no control over their drinking that is biggest clue, they are alcoholics.
I'm glad you have a professional to help your family I hope she is well conversed with AA and treatment. It really is a family problem that your Dad will have to get up to speed on or it will just get worse, IMO.
Usually unless the drinker wants treatment it won't work. They have a great way of cleaning up and passing all observations and treatment plans. Start out great then slide downhill. Sorry, don't want to throw cold water on your hopes but just something to aware of should it happen. It takes some drinkers many times.
I don't know if you've seen this but this might be a good place to start learning a bit more:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
I'm glad you have a professional to help your family I hope she is well conversed with AA and treatment. It really is a family problem that your Dad will have to get up to speed on or it will just get worse, IMO.
Usually unless the drinker wants treatment it won't work. They have a great way of cleaning up and passing all observations and treatment plans. Start out great then slide downhill. Sorry, don't want to throw cold water on your hopes but just something to aware of should it happen. It takes some drinkers many times.
I don't know if you've seen this but this might be a good place to start learning a bit more:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
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