cb12

I feel terrible. I've had new symptoms every other day which began with that double-decker arm I had last week. Hopefully, my doctors appointment will provide some answers.

I hate taking all of this time off from work, but I know that my health needs to come first.

cb12

I feel very overwhelmed. Hollywood is not my city. Never again. Sensory overloads hock causes me extreme anxiety. The people, the noise, the fog machines where they fill the room.

I tried it once. I don't like it. Never again.

dollydo

Just blah, nothing really wrong, nothing really right.

dbh

Thank you for sharing Dollydo. I'm sort of feeling the same way too.

Today I'm feeling blah, a little anxious, and a little depressed. Nothing feels like it's going right. I have a number of things that I need to get done, but my mood is preventing me from actually sitting down to focus.

I did try to meditate and it helped some.

I'm in my late forties and I think I'm starting to experience the mood fluctuations that come with perimenopause. I'm having a hard time figuring out whether my mood is due to hormones or ACA triggers. Not sure if it even matters, it's probably a combination of both.

Feel like I just need to batten down the hatches until the storm passes.

Thank you for letting me share.

db

Willybluedog

Wow, I have read everyones posts today and there must be something in the water.

I am just in a crappy mood, my kids were foot dragging on chores and I did not handle it well.

Now my wife is mad at me for losing my cool (completely justified), then we fought.

My wife said to me that she is tired of putting up with my bad temper and not being able to have a conversation without knowing how I will react.

For the first time in a very long time my old friend suicide whispered in my ear, I ran his ass off right away (so no worries).

I just don't like the idea that he could even make an appearance in my life. For many many years he was always there hanging around, trying to get me to take that walk with him.

I almost took that walk with him two dozen times or more in my teens and 20's, but I fought death off a few years ago in that bad car accident, and that dirtbag is not going to get me by my own hand!

Please everyone hang in there, we are better than this, we deserve good things, we have a right to be happy, we do not hane to let all the chain that we were forced to carry as children bog us down now.

Everyone please accept a big hug from me and then pass it on to someone else who needs one!



Happy Mothers Day to all of you moms, thank you for all you do!

dollydo

"Feel like I just need to batten down the hatches until the storm passes."

Me too!

bluebelle

I haven't been feeling too well lately--headachy and tired. I don't really feel like doing much, but I feel like I have so much to do.

Kialua

I guess I'm odd man out, I feel great emotionally even though my knees are shot. The weather up here is nice and the gardens are all up at 'em. I'm traveling to see my daughter tomorrow.

My hubby can be a grumpy guy and I've told him the same thing Bill. But he had intact parents and no Acoa situation. So it's just part of life I too I guess.

Hang in there guys, fun is right around the corner, and if it's not make your own fun?

Willybluedog

Kialua,

Thank you dear, great advice as always,!

Sorry about the knees, will say a prayer for you to feel better!

Big hugs,

Bill

dollydo

Kialua...glad to hear that you are in good spirits...enjoy your day!

Kialua

Had a great day yesterday, darling daughter was great fun. A bit bummed today because I am realizing after traveling that I have to curtail my miles till my knees are resolved. Had a nice 3 day trip planned for Memorial day that I will have to beg off of because of the pain. But there is plenty to do here at home so it's ok.

LotusBlossom

Sorry about your trip, Kialua .

I had a really nice time with my mom last night....I am finding that as I am working through some of my issues with AA and some of my resentments towards her...I am letting go of a lot of the hurt she caused to me and my brother. I am also realizing that....even though yes she was the adult in the situation, technically, working through some of THIS program too...she herself was also an ACOA NOT in recovery and just letting her child run free not caring of the consequences. She had and has her own pain/recovery...that is not mine. I have enough of my own crap to worry about anyways. Why harbor more stuff? So...slowly I am working through the layers, peeling off piece by piece. And each one I peel...I find leaves a less stinky core. It's a huge relief. Even if this is a fleeting phase, I know that it will come back and next time it will stay a little longer, etc.

Anyways, thanks for listening.

bluebelle

Kialua, Sorry about the knees. It sounds like you'll have to balance rest with light exercise. I have bum knees, too.

bluebelle

I'm feeling better today. I realized after I posted that my feelings are o.k. It is o.k. if I'm blue and down in the dumps for a few days.

Anyway, I feel more hopeful today. I have energy, and have been accomplishing some things. I went back over some of the DBT stuff--trying to change the way I think about things, and I think it's helping. I'm feeling more positive about myself and the world in general.

cb12

I feel sad this morning. For the last 5 years, I have worked at a summer camp with special needs adults and this year I won't be able to go. Not only will work not allow me the time off, but it's all volunteer staff and I just don't make enough to volunteer for a week. To add insult to injury, I dated a guy from camp immediately after last year and he will be at camp for 3 weeks this summer. I had wanted to go visit my wonderful campers on Sundays, but I can't be around my ex. It didn't end badly, but I don't think I'm over him yet.

He is a great man and treated me with more respect and care than any other man in my life, including my father. I don't think I can be around him.

I love my campers with all my heart. I'm going to miss them dearly this summer.

DefofLov

Hi Everyone!

I am okay. I am at peace. Even though I did cry a little bit today and I am very tired from working all weekend. Overall, I know I am in a good place. Even when I'm crying and feeling upset I know I am on the right track.

cb12 its too bad you can't see your campers this time and you are not over your ex. That is not fun. ***hugs***

Love,

Lily

Kialua

Yes! I get to go to the boundary waters tomorrow, just for the day. Having lunch at the marina and watch the yachts head out for points unknown worldwide on the St. Lawrence seaway. Just what I need to chill out for a while.

LotusBlossom

I'm so blessed. Blessed in my recovery, blessed in my awakening of my self, surroundings, fellowship (even if online), amazed in new things every day, my new relationship with my mother, the openness with those around me...

Yet I still get paralyzing depression episodes and fear. I know right now what I am experiencing is because of what happened to me in October. I was...violated. My trust, my belief that people are good which is so...intrinsic to me, my sense of loyalty. I am debating starting a new topic or not but am worried about "outing" myself so for now I shall keep it buried here (unless someone thinks it may help and I will put it in a separate thread - I will have the strength). I am so beyond paranoid about new relationship so far that I have cancelled dates, I have avoided new relationships, meeting new men. I have finally found one that is fairly nice and I was able to tell him what happened to me and what I must now live with and the precautions that go with it. He seems....ok with it, in fact he seems supportive of it. I have been so incredibly down since sharing it with him, however. I guess because I shared it? I told something I wasn't "supposed" to (you acoa's know what I mean)? I'm really trying to fight the urge to run away from him at this point, too because I know it's not how I really feel.

Anyways, I'm terrified, I'm down, I'm fearful...and I'm feeling so incredibly UNGRATEFUL like a spoiled child who needs punished for being a brat. Really - I just want to cry right now.

Anyways - thanks for listening...

DesertEyes

No worries, LotusBlossom Protecting the alcoholics by keeping _their_ secrets is one of the most damaging things I had to do as a child. In recovery I have learned that the only secrets I need to keep are _my_ secrets, and that _I_ get to choose when and where to share them.

I think it would help _you_ to give yourself permission to think about it for awhile. Maybe find a therapist and see if they can _earn_ your trust and perhaps share a very small bit with the therapist first. That is the way I was able to share my own secrets and heal from them.

Recovery from ACoA, and this forum, is _not_ for us to sacrifice ourselves in order to help others. It's for us to share how we are healing so that our experience can be a guide for others.

The general guideline in recovery from ACoA is, much like in yoga, if what you are doing is painful then you are doing to much of it. Relax, slow down, back it off, then try it again but just a very _little_ bit so that you are _stretching_ and not hurting.

Mike
Moderator, SR

Mizz

I feel AWESOME!