Melkent

Hi just wanted to introduce myself. Im an adult daughter of an alcoholic father, who is currently suffering alcoholic dementia. He has been drinking all of his life, even before I was born, I am now 30 yrs old. My mum and dad divorsed when I was 16 years old after a very violent relationship. My mum for some unknown reason has still continued to see him, taking him shopping etc, and having him at hers for xmas etc. He is slowley becoming more and more confused and incoherant. He also suffers from epilepsy so every year or so goes compleatly psyo meaning me mother and myself have to call the police to get him sectioned and into hospital. This happened again this Sat, and after seeing him and trying to stop him from strangling my mother has stirred up emotions to many emotions in me. We are currently trying to get help from dr's and social services as he no longer washes himself, clean his flat, or wears clean clothes. My mother can no longer look after him and I don't want her living in fear anymore. However I am torn between hateing every part of him and also feel sorry for him and a sense of duty as a daughter to help him in his final years. He will not give up drinking and I think he will end up dyeing of his alcoholism. Please excuse the state of my spelling, I have dyslexia and usually spell check everything, but at the moment I just want to get this off my chest. Would like to hear from people that have experienced this before.

Many Thanks,

Mel

Kialua

Hi Mel, welcome to the forum. My Dad was an alcoholic till he was 80, then was incarcerated and in lock up treatment for three months. He then sobered up but he would have never done it without lock up. Then he got Alzhiemers when he was 83 and died soon after. I understand the trauma and the mixed feelings. We have some really good information in the stickies that you might want to read through. I'm sorry this is happening. We all understand.

Willybluedog

Hi Mel, my mom has been drinking between 3 & 6 bottles of wine a day for over 40 years, she has been in the ICU twice in the last 18 months with alcohol related heart damage. I finally had to get back into therapy to deal with my rage at my mother and my inability to detach.

I wish I had an easy answer for you, it sounds like he will need more care than you can give. Can he go into a government funded nursing home, some type of in home care, or possibly adult daycare?

As Kialua said there is some great information in the stickies and recently I posted a list of books that might be helpful reading for you.

Best of luck,

Bill

Melkent

Hi thanks for the reply, and sorry I somehow managed to post this about three times, i'm not so good on PC's. Kailua, did your dad get Alzhiemers as a result of his drinking or was it unrelated? Thanks for your post Willybluedog will check out the stickies part of the forum later. Can I ask have you ever spoken to your mother about her drinking? I have tried once when I was young but just get a load of denial 'i'm not an alcoholic because I just drink beer' is the usuall responce. As for care for my dad, I'm based in the uk, and I understand this forum is in the USA (came here cos I couldn't find one as good that was based in the uk.) it's seems to be proving difficult to get any outside agency to get involved, which is made even worse by the fact that my dad thinks he is fine and dosen't need any help. Have written letters to social services so will have to see what happens.

It's interesting to read that you are currently in therapy Willybluedog, how is this helping you. I paid to see a counceller about 2 years ago to try and sort myself out, but it didn't help. Couldn't get out what I wanted to say, would be asked questions then i would have no answers if you know what I mean. Might try to find some more information about ACOA, understand there is a 12 step programme run by an international organisation. Has anyone had any experience of this? Is it effective?

Many thanks

Kialua

Hi Melkent. We don't know how/why he got it, I don't think that was ever addressed. But he started becoming very angry and not knowing where to drive to. At first we thought he was drinking again but soon realized it was not drinking. Kind of ironic that he didn't get to enjoy his sober life too long.

I don't think I ever did talk to my Dad about his drinking. We didn't have that kind of relationship. It was not spoken of. I think my brothers did but try a couple times but gave up to the point that they would buy him fancy expensive bottles of booze for presents. It made me so mad but they just laughed. They were gone and didn't have to live with him anymore. I got the hard kick of his boot when he was drunk, thanks a lot.