Blogs


Notices

ACoA vs. Al-Anon AC meeting?

Old 02-28-2012, 05:44 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
PoetryandHums's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 43
Blog Entries: 2
ACoA vs. Al-Anon AC meeting?

Has anyone participated in both? Any significant differences in approach or philosophy?
PoetryandHums is offline  
Old 02-28-2012, 06:39 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Clever Yak
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: ---
Posts: 4,360
Blog Entries: 38
I've never even heard of an Alanon AC meeting...are those common?
JustAYak is offline  
Old 02-28-2012, 06:35 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
DesertEyes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,427
Blog Entries: 1
Yup, I have

In many places Al-Anon and ACoA have merged. You will find very few, if any, ACoA meetings, but instead find meetings in the Al-anon directory listed as being "AC".

Other places the two programs are still separate.

ACoA meetings follow the ACoA "Red Book".

Al-anon / AC use various books and pamphlets that Al-anon publishes for ACoA's, along with the "Red Book".

Other than the available literature, I have not found much difference. The folks that attend both kinds of meetings come from the same background. It's just more practical for the two programs to work together since there is so much overlap.

Mike
DesertEyes is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to DesertEyes For This Useful Post:
dbh (03-01-2012), JustAYak (02-28-2012)
Old 02-29-2012, 06:12 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
tromboneliness's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Back East
Posts: 704
This is an interesting issue. There are two ACA meetings in my city, both of which I have been attending regularly. However, we've had an influx of AA's (recovering alcoholics), mostly because of one member who is kind of a salesman and invites his friends in AA to come to ACA. He means well, because a lot of AA's are also ACAs, but the vibe of the group has changed considerably, over the past few months. There are a lot of AAs who don't really have a clear concept of the scope of ACA, and tend to talk about their drinking/drugging behavior in ACA meetings. This makes some of us non-alcoholics uncomfortable, to the point where we feel triggered. It's as if a bunch of alcoholics (who remind us of our controlling, critical parents) have invaded our recovery space. It's hard to know what to do -- because, being ACAs, we tend to avoid confrontation at all costs. It's reached the point where a few of us are kicking ideas around about starting a new group, maybe an Al-Anon meeting with adult-child emphasis... maybe even meeting "off the books," so we can control who can attend.

It's hard to know what to do -- this guy who invites his AA friends does, as I say, mean well -- and they do have a lot of ACA issues -- but where is the line between "attraction" and "promotion," as in... whichever Tradition it is?

T
tromboneliness is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to tromboneliness For This Useful Post:
gplmdyw (03-11-2012), Keyn (02-29-2012), Kialua (02-29-2012), kudzujean (04-02-2012), wicked (02-29-2012)
Old 02-29-2012, 09:42 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Kialua's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,438
Blog Entries: 25
I can understand that tromboneliness. I wouldn't be comfortable with the likes of my tormentor if I was unloading my traumas. I know that many A's are children of alcoholics because I drank waaay too much myself as a teen. That was brief and it's not "where I live" anymore. Sorry if that sounds too harsh.
Kialua is offline  
Old 02-29-2012, 01:52 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
DesertEyes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,427
Blog Entries: 1
Originally Posted by tromboneliness View Post
... It's hard to know what to do -- because, being ACAs, we tend to avoid confrontation at all costs. It's reached the point where a few of us are kicking ideas around about starting a new group,...
Where I come from, that is what we do. First as a once-a-month potluck, with a meeting immediately following. That controls who gets invited. If it grows, then we look for a church to hold it once a week.

Mike
DesertEyes is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to DesertEyes For This Useful Post:
kudzujean (08-03-2012)
Old 02-29-2012, 05:47 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
"...Other than the available literature, I have not found much difference. The folks that attend both kinds of meetings come from the same background. It's just more practical for the two programs to work together since there is so much overlap..."

Hmmm, I think I gotta disagree with this.....I've found quite a bit of difference between the two,.....and, both from the same background.....? Not true, from my experience.....

Let's get a bit of definition here..............:

1) An Alanoner is a person who is a relative or friend of (or has some kind of current relationship with) an alcohol/addict. Although many Alanoners may have grown up in homes with alcoholic/addict family members, this has nothing to do with their current status as an alononer.....;

2) An ACA/ACoA is NOT just an adult who grew up in an alcohol/addict as a child. An ACA/ACoA is an adult, who as a child grew up in an alcoholic/addict home, AND today, when confronted regresses to a stage in his/her childhood. Although an ACA/ACoA may be a relative or friend of (or has some kind of current relationship with) an alcohol/addict, but this has nothing to do with their status as an ACA/ACoA.

(the following is just my opinion and experience)
Just as an alcoholic in the rooms of AA (per se), doesn't want to listen to an addict talk about his/her drugs and/or drug cravings.....they just don't relate.....well, an Alanoner wouldn't want to listen to an ACA/ACoA discussing his/her latest struggles with his/her recurring childish temper tantrums....they wouldn't relate; also, an ACA/ACoA wouldn't want to listen to an Alanoner discussing his/her ire with his/her spouse's alcohol abuse and antics.....they wouldn't relate.....

IMNSHO I feel that just as AA and NA are separate; AA and Alanon are separate; NA and Naranon are separate; AA and OA are separate; .....well, you get the idea; I believe that Alanon and ACA/ACoA should be separate.


(o:
NoelleR
NoelleR is offline  
Old 02-29-2012, 06:28 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
DesertEyes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,427
Blog Entries: 1
Originally Posted by NoelleR View Post
....I've found quite a bit of difference between the two,.....and, both from the same background.....? Not true, from my experience.....
ooooh I _like_ that. Haven't been to meetings like you describe since ACA got kick-started in California. Texas? did you say? I'm gong to have to go visit some of your meetings.

Mike
DesertEyes is offline  
Old 03-11-2012, 01:27 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Stockton CA - USA
Posts: 88
Originally Posted by tromboneliness View Post
This is an interesting issue. There are two ACA meetings in my city, both of which I have been attending regularly. However, we've had an influx of AA's (recovering alcoholics), mostly because of one member who is kind of a salesman and invites his friends in AA to come to ACA. He means well, because a lot of AA's are also ACAs, but the vibe of the group has changed considerably, over the past few months. There are a lot of AAs who don't really have a clear concept of the scope of ACA, and tend to talk about their drinking/drugging behavior in ACA meetings. This makes some of us non-alcoholics uncomfortable, to the point where we feel triggered. It's as if a bunch of alcoholics (who remind us of our controlling, critical parents) have invaded our recovery space. It's hard to know what to do -- because, being ACAs, we tend to avoid confrontation at all costs. It's reached the point where a few of us are kicking ideas around about starting a new group, maybe an Al-Anon meeting with adult-child emphasis... maybe even meeting "off the books," so we can control who can attend.

It's hard to know what to do -- this guy who invites his AA friends does, as I say, mean well -- and they do have a lot of ACA issues -- but where is the line between "attraction" and "promotion," as in... whichever Tradition it is?

T
You should add in the Group Conscience: "If you are from another fellowship, please identify yourself as an Adult Child only."
gplmdyw is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to gplmdyw For This Useful Post:
kudzujean (08-03-2012)
Old 03-11-2012, 03:20 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Willybluedog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Blog Entries: 3
In our area there are only two Alanon/ACA meetings per week and they are both closed meetings, the ACOA meetings are much more frequent and are both open and closed.
Willybluedog is offline  
Old 03-29-2012, 10:37 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Lot Of Love Out There, Man.
 
Chris1000101's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Missouri
Posts: 137
This has been a thorn of mine for a few years now. I started with ACoA about 24 years ago and there were many meetings; sadly over the years the meetings have decreased. ACoA does exist, adultchildren. org Yes, we have our own red book and like other 12 step fellowships encourage outside help when it is necessary. I have attended “Al-anon with an emphasis on Adult Children” meetings and have to say I’m disappointed. All the meetings are opened with the Al-anon line, “Only use Al-anon approved literature and no discussion of outside groups or organizations.” It’s a shame that they discard all the work that Dr. Janet Woititz, Melody Beattie, Dr. Claudia Black, John Bradshaw and others have done. It seems like Al-anon is trying to control the lives of others, it is their way and only their way. In my opinion they may be doing more damage than good, I will not attend the Al-anon AC meetings.
Chris1000101 is offline  
Old 03-30-2012, 03:09 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South Pacific
Posts: 171
Originally Posted by Chris1000101 View Post
It seems like Al-anon is trying to control the lives of others, it is their way and only their way. In my opinion they may be doing more damage than good, I will not attend the Al-anon AC meetings.
In the 80's and 90's there was a big rush into self-help groups.

LAst night I went up the river and watched the Lois movie with a few members.
I have told one or two I am with ACA too, but not inside a meeting.

I stay inside Alanon too becos that is the only group working around here.

A group of reactors won't likely make anything... I have bin around so long, and have learned so much that maybe i can make something.

The Alanon black and white book does not say much to me. The BRB does- it is a big rambling mansion of a book.:rotfxko

But it does offer some solutions...

DavidG.
DavidG is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to DavidG For This Useful Post:
Chris1000101 (03-30-2012)
Old 03-30-2012, 05:03 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Lot Of Love Out There, Man.
 
Chris1000101's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Missouri
Posts: 137
Originally Posted by DavidG View Post
But it does offer some solutions...
I agree that Al-anon has its place and I do attend with respect to the drunks and addicts I have in my life. And yes I have reacted; I am reacting to being shot down too many times at the “Al-anon with an emphasis on Adult Children” meetings. If Al-anon is the only thing in the area then there is not much of a choice, one works the best they can with what they have. When I was in Ohio, I had endless meetings of any type. Now that I’m in Missouri, the meetings are limited. Al-anon in this area hasn’t heard of “Al-anon with an emphasis on Adult Children” meetings. If that is what works for you, great!!
Chris1000101 is offline  
Old 04-02-2012, 02:41 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Miles from Nowhere
Posts: 396
I've attended both. In the late 1980's, I attended ACOA meetings in the city where I lived then. I really got a lot out of them because it was the first time anyone had ever listened to me, had ever validated me. (Part of that was the zeitgeist. When I grew up there was the implied idea that the parent was always right. You didn't talk about family alcoholism, abuse, etc. If you did people looked at you like you had two heads. Nobody wanted to hear it. But I digress.)

In hindsight, the ACOA meetings I went to didn't focus much on the solution. We didn't have sponsors because the group was so new.

I have been going to Al Anon about 10 years now and it has given me much more than ACOA ever did. Of course I'm a very different person. Oh, and in my city--and the one where I used to live--ACOA meetings have faded away.
kudzujean is offline  
Old 01-21-2016, 01:22 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 2
I found this topic via googleing “Al-anon with an emphasis on Adult Children". In my country Estonia there is aca and al anon separate groups but in my travels to germany and to norway i have been in al anon/aac mtgs.
I know bit historical matters of schism in al anon ie why those two groups splitted.
And i have read both materials and i can say that both groups are important but about those together i can not say much.
For me those two are separate groups enough ppl in groups can be same when it is small place...
kadriliisa is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to kadriliisa For This Useful Post:
DesertEyes (05-22-2016)
Old 05-22-2016, 01:16 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 2
In Acoa we are there because of the trauma that parents did to us growing up, whether through their alcoholism, depression, mental illness, abandonment, physical abuse, drugs, etc. The common denominator is trauma while growing up.
In Alanon, the common denominator is any friend or any family member.
So as you can see, acoa's are there specifically because of their parents.
So when you go to alanon, most, if not all, are there for spouses and children, so that's what most 99% of why they attend.
12OwlJulie is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to 12OwlJulie For This Useful Post:
Carpathia (05-28-2016), dandylion (05-31-2016), DesertEyes (05-22-2016)
Old 06-17-2016, 08:41 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
mylifeismine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
Posts: 760
Blog Entries: 5
Alanon teaches you how to cope with alcoholism or addiction
in a famly member or friend. Focus is on you & them.

ACA teaches you how to become your own loving parent.
It is about YOU.
mylifeismine is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:46 PM.