bluebelle

I realize that I haven't really formally introduced myself on this forum. I am usually on the Family & Friends Drug Addiction forum.

I don't want to go in great detail, because it all sounds pretty negative. I had a rough upbringing. I was mainly "raised" by my bipolar/drug addict mother. During my childhood, I spent a lot of time trying to determine her mood and figure out whether or not I was safe. I also did a lot of caretaking for her. I spent some time with my maternal grandparents. I'm very thankful for that, because they are stable people. There is some alcoholism on my maternal side--my uncle, a cousin, etc.

I spent very little time with my father and his family. He is a alcoholic, and cruel most of the time. Most of his brothers are alcoholics of varying degrees of functioning. Most of my cousins on that side of the family are alcoholics. His father was an ACOA. He didn't drink, but he was physically, sexually, and emotionally abusive to his children and grandchildren. His father (my great-grandfather) was reportedly a mean, suicidal and abusive alcoholic.

Lovely, I know. I have a lot of the characteristics of an ACOA. I am irresponsible with money. I'm pretty good at work and school, but have trouble following through. I am very hard on myself in terms of my faults with money, cleaning house, etc. I have to guess what normal is, and I have a lot of trouble with control. Generally, I just try to control everything around me.

My bf and one of my step-daughters are recovering addicts. That's what brought me to this site.

I have been very helped by the ACOA and codependent literature. I currently work with a psychiatrist, and I have also worked with counselors. SR helps me a lot. Although I'm hard on myself, I realize that I have grown a lot in the years that I have been an adult.

Kialua

Thanks, nice to formally "meet" you! I too, had a rough upbringing. Your family sounds a lot like mine. But we are not destined to be who are family is. Sounds like you are really working hard on your recovery journey.

bluebelle

Thanks. I have always been concerned about people judging me based on my family. I've probably been overly concerned about trying to not stand out as being different. I assume that a whole lot of people are in this position. Many people have addiction in their family, but don't talk about it. I remember being really embarassed when I was a young teenager and my mom was arrested for selling drugs. She was shown on TV walking across the screen while wearing handcuffs. I was really worried that my friends and teachers would find out. I guess I was afraid that they would make assumptions about me based on my mom's actions. If they knew, they didn't let me know. I tried to pretend like everything was fine and normal. Meanwhile, I was really worried about being removed from the home due to her arrest. There was a lot of screaming between my mom and her parents. She kept blaming them for her arrest. It was a lot for me to take on while trying to show the world that everything was fine. I think I'm really a lot stronger than I sometimes give myself credit for. I think I need to be perfect for some reason. I'm not even sure why.

cb12

I have to remind myself all the time of how strong I had to be to live and survive growing up with an alcoholic parent. Close friends tell me I'm one of the strongest people they know, but I usually shrug it off as 'I had to be. It wasn't a choice.' Growing up with addicted parents requires you to be strong. Give yourself credit for making it through and on the way to a healthier life.


You mentioned this idea of feeling that you have to be perfect- I can completely identify with that. My dad was an alcoholic and typically neglected us. I realized that I grew up thinking that I had to be perfect because I never knew when dad was going to give me some attention and I HAD to have something positive to tell him.

Plath

Thank you for opening up and sharing on here, Bluebelle (and all of you).

I appreciate the safe environment we have with this site, but it still takes a lot of courage for you to start sharing your experiences even in a safe place.

I was raised in an insane, abusive, dysfunctional home, but alcohol/drugs were rarely a part of my childhood experiences. My mother is an ACA who has had only minimal treatment for her behavior (and likely personality disorder).

I was the one who became the addict in my immediate family, but thankfully those days are long gone. Your post struck a chord for me, thinking of how embarrassed my family members must have been of my behavior, even though for the most part I was very young.

I'm sorry that you had to go through that, and I'm grateful that you're here.

Willybluedog

bluebelle,

Welcome and thanks for sharing, so glad you are here, I will be here if you need me, I am happy to lend an ear or a shoulder, and hand out hugs.

Best of luck,

Bill

Kialua

bluebelle, I'm so sorry you had to live like that. But I think people are way nicer than we think. Most will be very supportive, even strangers if you give them the chance. You are not your parents, that is very clear. I think we'd be hard pressed to find a family that wasn't afflicted with this. You are in very good company!