First session of EMDR Therapy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
First session of EMDR Therapy
Hi all,
Just got back from my first session of EMDR therapy. It is really amazing how much better I feel.
I told my therapist that when my mom starts screaming that I feel like I am a 4 year old again, so she suggested this EMDR therapy.
First she had me pull up a typical bad memory, you all know the scene, mom drunk, parents screaming, you try to tiptoe to the kitchen without being seen and wham you are now the target of both of them.
While as I pulled this up I got all the typical feelings, nausea, tight chest, headache, etc.
Next we sat at a table and she held my hands and just tapped the back of each hand with a thumb (one at a time, back and forth) as I sat there describing the scene in as much detail as I could, smells, sights, sounds, it is shocking how much you can remember from 45 years ago, well we went on until I could not come up with anymore details, then we discussed in detail how I felt right now, I listed every emotion I could think of, then she asked me what I wnated to do, I told her that I wanted to let the memory and associated emotions go.
And I swear to you, the wind started blowing through the scene in my mind and the everything started blowing away like it was made of fine sand or dust or smoke, all of a sudden my headache was gone, my chest was loose, my belly relaxed, but I was crying and I was exhausted, but the memory was now gauzy instead of crisp.
I don't know how I will fell tomorrow, but today I am just blown away but the whole session.
Has anyone else done EMDR, if yes have you had similar results?
Just got back from my first session of EMDR therapy. It is really amazing how much better I feel.
I told my therapist that when my mom starts screaming that I feel like I am a 4 year old again, so she suggested this EMDR therapy.
First she had me pull up a typical bad memory, you all know the scene, mom drunk, parents screaming, you try to tiptoe to the kitchen without being seen and wham you are now the target of both of them.
While as I pulled this up I got all the typical feelings, nausea, tight chest, headache, etc.
Next we sat at a table and she held my hands and just tapped the back of each hand with a thumb (one at a time, back and forth) as I sat there describing the scene in as much detail as I could, smells, sights, sounds, it is shocking how much you can remember from 45 years ago, well we went on until I could not come up with anymore details, then we discussed in detail how I felt right now, I listed every emotion I could think of, then she asked me what I wnated to do, I told her that I wanted to let the memory and associated emotions go.
And I swear to you, the wind started blowing through the scene in my mind and the everything started blowing away like it was made of fine sand or dust or smoke, all of a sudden my headache was gone, my chest was loose, my belly relaxed, but I was crying and I was exhausted, but the memory was now gauzy instead of crisp.
I don't know how I will fell tomorrow, but today I am just blown away but the whole session.
Has anyone else done EMDR, if yes have you had similar results?
In my Own Little World
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Champaign, IL
Posts: 368
You know I had a friend SWEAR by this therapy. She knew a lot of my past history and stuff and tried to talk me into trying this stuff when I had PTSD episodes hit me. She's aussie and she didn't call it EMDR, but I do remember her calling it tapping and describing it the same way. She also said she's been doing it so long now (over 3 years) that whenever she gets into a stressful situation (she's back in school and in her 40s) she automatically starts tapping and doesn't even realize it. She has went off her high blood pressure meds, her other health problems have lessened, etc. as a result which she attributes to not being under constant stress.
That sounds like amazing results you've had and even if they are temporary, so what. It's such an easy form of therapy that once you get it down, you can easily do it on your own all the time like she does. I'm very happy for you
That sounds like amazing results you've had and even if they are temporary, so what. It's such an easy form of therapy that once you get it down, you can easily do it on your own all the time like she does. I'm very happy for you
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Where the buffalo roam
Posts: 370
How cool! I'm happy for you that you've started this. I've heard of it on different forums from different ACA members online, and I went to a couple of therapy sessions that were kind of similar.
Instead of tapping, the therapist taught me to focus on two objects and look at them back and forth when I was experiencing memories or triggers. I guess it's supposed to be like rapid eye movements when we sleep.
It was also really helpful the first time I did it, but then we moved to a different area and my husband started a new job, so I'm waiting for our insurance to kick in before I can go back to therapy.
Keep us posted, and best wishes!
Instead of tapping, the therapist taught me to focus on two objects and look at them back and forth when I was experiencing memories or triggers. I guess it's supposed to be like rapid eye movements when we sleep.
It was also really helpful the first time I did it, but then we moved to a different area and my husband started a new job, so I'm waiting for our insurance to kick in before I can go back to therapy.
Keep us posted, and best wishes!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Bill))) - That sounds GREAT!! I've heard it's really good for PTSD, and though my PTSD has nothing to do with addiction, I really want to try it out..when I get a job with insurance!
I'm really glad you feel better and hope this therapy lets a lot of the bad stuff go away.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm really glad you feel better and hope this therapy lets a lot of the bad stuff go away.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
I gotta tell you, it really kicked my butt, I was absolutely balling when we got to the peak of the memories, I could remember Walter cronkite being on the evening news, the smell of my dads nasty little Muriel Coronella Cigars, man I was back there, I was living it and then it was gone.
My therapist explained to me that this technique takes the memories from the active (front) brain and moves them to the long term memory section in the back brain. Now the memory actually seems fuzzy, like a 45 year old memory should.
I have been really worn out the rest of the day, we are going to try and do the worst incidents one at a time over the next few weeks.
I feel so very blessed to have found this woman, she is just what I need, no BS, no psychobabble, just very direct, a little crusty, and funny as H@ll.
Thank you all for your support, it has really made it eaiser for me to embrace something as scarey as this therapy was today.
My therapist explained to me that this technique takes the memories from the active (front) brain and moves them to the long term memory section in the back brain. Now the memory actually seems fuzzy, like a 45 year old memory should.
I have been really worn out the rest of the day, we are going to try and do the worst incidents one at a time over the next few weeks.
I feel so very blessed to have found this woman, she is just what I need, no BS, no psychobabble, just very direct, a little crusty, and funny as H@ll.
Thank you all for your support, it has really made it eaiser for me to embrace something as scarey as this therapy was today.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Coventry, RI
Posts: 61
I just posted a question about EMDR on another thread. Does this mean that stuff is shoved and buried deeper? Isn't it just a way to not deal and feel with it all? Won't it come up again? Does it help with sleep?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
Ph - it doesn't remove the memory, it doesn't bury it. It's more like what Willy said: it turns it into a long term memory and makes the memory more like a 45 year old memory than like something that just happened yesterday. It creates distance from the memory.
You still have the behaviors to deal with. You still have the learned responses to new triggers. That is what you need to work on. It's very specific to one particular memory.
This same "recall the memory in vivid detail" can also work for self-parenting. In this scenario, you go back into the memory, recall everything you can (amazing how vivid those memories are) but you put either someone you trust, or yourself as an adult, into the memory. The new person in the memory talks to the child-you, offers comfort and reassurance.
Both of these techniques do the same thing: allow you to let the memory rest instead of having it always there in the fore of your brain nagging, hurting, reopening new wounds. It works by removing things that trigger the amygdala (do a bit of reading online about what the amygdala does). You don't ever forget, you just don't remember in such vivid detail that it's crazy making.
And yes, it helps tremendously with sleep.
You still have the behaviors to deal with. You still have the learned responses to new triggers. That is what you need to work on. It's very specific to one particular memory.
This same "recall the memory in vivid detail" can also work for self-parenting. In this scenario, you go back into the memory, recall everything you can (amazing how vivid those memories are) but you put either someone you trust, or yourself as an adult, into the memory. The new person in the memory talks to the child-you, offers comfort and reassurance.
Both of these techniques do the same thing: allow you to let the memory rest instead of having it always there in the fore of your brain nagging, hurting, reopening new wounds. It works by removing things that trigger the amygdala (do a bit of reading online about what the amygdala does). You don't ever forget, you just don't remember in such vivid detail that it's crazy making.
And yes, it helps tremendously with sleep.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
I learned about how this works a little last week.
When trauma happens the mid part of our brain (which is the emotional center) registers the trauma but without a time stamp....as a result we can then relive it in the moment at any time, which is part of why we get retraumatized when something even resembling this happens again. With trauma our bodies naturally experience things also, shaking, nausea etc....but without a time stamp again we can get activated with it. Trauma happens when something is unexpected, we have no control, and it is unresolved (we keep living it).
EMDR, EFT, other body focused therapies, etc allow us to manage the natural body and brain response that happens with trauma for everyone in bite sized pieces. Thus a time stamp can be added to the event, and we are allowed to resolve it (it does not happen right away at least for me, but it does resolve).
I also learned that trauma can encompass a lot more than I thought, especially if it happened when we were young.
Psychological / Emotional Trauma: an overview
This was an interesting read on trauma for me if it helps anyone else I would be glad.
When trauma happens the mid part of our brain (which is the emotional center) registers the trauma but without a time stamp....as a result we can then relive it in the moment at any time, which is part of why we get retraumatized when something even resembling this happens again. With trauma our bodies naturally experience things also, shaking, nausea etc....but without a time stamp again we can get activated with it. Trauma happens when something is unexpected, we have no control, and it is unresolved (we keep living it).
EMDR, EFT, other body focused therapies, etc allow us to manage the natural body and brain response that happens with trauma for everyone in bite sized pieces. Thus a time stamp can be added to the event, and we are allowed to resolve it (it does not happen right away at least for me, but it does resolve).
I also learned that trauma can encompass a lot more than I thought, especially if it happened when we were young.
Psychological / Emotional Trauma: an overview
This was an interesting read on trauma for me if it helps anyone else I would be glad.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Irish
Posts: 552
Good for you Willy,I have enquired about this Therapy with a Phycoligist....She Said She never heard of it....Someone Here must do it.....Tapping ive done....you need to keep repeating it....every day....until a memory comes up.amygdala.... I need to check out when I get Relaxed Time...Im always going or Doing something....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 216
Good for you WillieBdog.
We all have those scary thoughts in the closets of our minds that just keep pulling the rug from out!
I too have heard of this and other therapies that are similar. I think I need to go back and comfort that small child that had to witness a lot of drama but was too young to process it.
Good luck and please keep us posted,
Hope
We all have those scary thoughts in the closets of our minds that just keep pulling the rug from out!
I too have heard of this and other therapies that are similar. I think I need to go back and comfort that small child that had to witness a lot of drama but was too young to process it.
Good luck and please keep us posted,
Hope
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Second EMDR Session
Hi again, I had my second EMDR session today, it was much less stressful than the first one, many less tears, and a much less physical reaction.
WE did the technique on a few different things today.
The first was on the pain I have from being kicked in the tailbone so many times over the years by my father which was usually combined with some statement about being stupid, slow, worthless, lazy, etc. it did not take much to earn a boot in the ass from my dad.
My therapist read to me from a book about how physical pain while very real, is made far worse because the mental scars associated with it have not healed, so we used the EMDR technique to actually "feel" the physical pain and the mental pain, and to place the mental pain into the long term memory box. I have to say, while I still do have some physical pain it seems more bearable (or maybe just less intense) somehow.
The second action item was triggers as I have discussed in detail in the thread by Plath on Triggers.
The third action was on the pain caused by my mothers denial of all the physical abuse I suffered at the hands of both my father and mother.
And the angry response I have always had when she states bluntly "that never happened, you are just trying to hurt us making up these lies".
While using EMDR my therapist reminded me that my mother has a disease, that she is in pain herself, that she is not capable of loving me like I want, all of these things I already know of course, but I have been unable to really "process" or "believe" them to my own satisfaction, after the session the factual nature of them seems more realistic and permanant to me.
I hope this is beneficial information, I don't understand how it works, but I believe it has helped me.
WE did the technique on a few different things today.
The first was on the pain I have from being kicked in the tailbone so many times over the years by my father which was usually combined with some statement about being stupid, slow, worthless, lazy, etc. it did not take much to earn a boot in the ass from my dad.
My therapist read to me from a book about how physical pain while very real, is made far worse because the mental scars associated with it have not healed, so we used the EMDR technique to actually "feel" the physical pain and the mental pain, and to place the mental pain into the long term memory box. I have to say, while I still do have some physical pain it seems more bearable (or maybe just less intense) somehow.
The second action item was triggers as I have discussed in detail in the thread by Plath on Triggers.
The third action was on the pain caused by my mothers denial of all the physical abuse I suffered at the hands of both my father and mother.
And the angry response I have always had when she states bluntly "that never happened, you are just trying to hurt us making up these lies".
While using EMDR my therapist reminded me that my mother has a disease, that she is in pain herself, that she is not capable of loving me like I want, all of these things I already know of course, but I have been unable to really "process" or "believe" them to my own satisfaction, after the session the factual nature of them seems more realistic and permanant to me.
I hope this is beneficial information, I don't understand how it works, but I believe it has helped me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 437
I had EDMR therapy last fall. The therapist used her fore-arm and moved it up and down and had me watch that motion while she asked me details about the event we were discussing. I was 4 or 5 and my dad had dropped me off at the kiddy day-care at the ski hill and went off skiing with my older siblings. The kids at the day-care bullied me, made fun of me. So I thought that was the problem, the other kids,me being an outcast. Turns out, after going through this therapy, that was not the real issue. The real issue was that my dad left me there and went off with my siblings. I didn't feel anything or figure that out until after my appointment and I was walking and when it hit me, I did cry. And now I realize it is that fear of abandonment, not a fear of being bullied or being an outcast, is my problem. I was actually able to feel that same emotion again, of being 5 years old, and having my dad leave me for an entire day! When you are 5, that is a lifetime. The big building I was walking towards felt just like that mountain, it was an amazing sensation.
However, I am not going back to this therapist, because she thought if I worked with her, I would be able to control my drinking. HA! 6 hours after she brought up that idea I was driving in a blackout. :-(
I am an alcoholic. I can't drink! Period!
However, I am not going back to this therapist, because she thought if I worked with her, I would be able to control my drinking. HA! 6 hours after she brought up that idea I was driving in a blackout. :-(
I am an alcoholic. I can't drink! Period!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Newport News, VA
Posts: 22
WillyBlueDog,
My mother along with her 4 siblings were beaten constantly by their parents for as long as they lived under the same roof. The turning point for mom is when she was raped by her friend's oldest brother when she was 13. When she told her drunken parents they beat her for 8 hrs for being a *****, so she ran away and never went home.
She had no family to turn to and nowhere to go. She saw an older man she recognized from another friend's church and hadn't eaten for a day. She asked him for help and his response was that she would have to perform a certain favor and he'd buy her a cheeseburger. This was her life from the age of 13, prostitute and junkie. She has even had her throat slit after being raped, was gang raped (producing one of my 2 half brothers I've never seen), the list goes on.
Of the three of her kids, I was the only one not taken by the state, not at the time (she was clean and no warrants for about 2yrs). For some unknown reason my grandparents took me in at 7 yrs old when she had to go in for a warrant. When I turned 12, my mother got out of jail for the last time. She went to a women's shelter, got clean, got a job, got her record expunged, and even got custody of me. Over the next few years she went to work for a great employer, got her tattoos removed, it was amazing. She hardly resembled the same woman.
But I had issues to deal with myself going back and forth from the street with mom, to a 'normal' life with the grandparents. I joined the military and got out of Dodge. Mom ended up marrying a jerk, divorced him, married and divorced him again, then was involved in a head-on collision both cars going 65mph. She has a disintegrated vertebrae and chronic pain, which means LOTS of drugs and epidurals. She is lonely and is not able to maintain lasting freindships.
Sorry, I don't know why I'm going on about all this....Needless to say she has ridiculously powerful issues with traumatic memories. She's had years of therapy and now there's no more flashbacks, or rarely specific memories popping up. But she does have issues where she attributes trauma in other areas. Dreams especially, while not about her past per se, themes are always traumatic and stressful.
I mentioned EMDR to her and she seems interested. She has pretty powerful control and trust issues, and EMDR has what sounds like a hypnotic component to it. How imperative is it that her therapist be specialized in EMDR for it to be effective? I do not want her to go through the ringer of recalling her past if the therapist can't handle really powerful stuff. Basically I need to know if she would need the Cadillac of EMDR therapists, or if any would do. Sorry about the blathering on and thanks for your guidance in this.
My mother along with her 4 siblings were beaten constantly by their parents for as long as they lived under the same roof. The turning point for mom is when she was raped by her friend's oldest brother when she was 13. When she told her drunken parents they beat her for 8 hrs for being a *****, so she ran away and never went home.
She had no family to turn to and nowhere to go. She saw an older man she recognized from another friend's church and hadn't eaten for a day. She asked him for help and his response was that she would have to perform a certain favor and he'd buy her a cheeseburger. This was her life from the age of 13, prostitute and junkie. She has even had her throat slit after being raped, was gang raped (producing one of my 2 half brothers I've never seen), the list goes on.
Of the three of her kids, I was the only one not taken by the state, not at the time (she was clean and no warrants for about 2yrs). For some unknown reason my grandparents took me in at 7 yrs old when she had to go in for a warrant. When I turned 12, my mother got out of jail for the last time. She went to a women's shelter, got clean, got a job, got her record expunged, and even got custody of me. Over the next few years she went to work for a great employer, got her tattoos removed, it was amazing. She hardly resembled the same woman.
But I had issues to deal with myself going back and forth from the street with mom, to a 'normal' life with the grandparents. I joined the military and got out of Dodge. Mom ended up marrying a jerk, divorced him, married and divorced him again, then was involved in a head-on collision both cars going 65mph. She has a disintegrated vertebrae and chronic pain, which means LOTS of drugs and epidurals. She is lonely and is not able to maintain lasting freindships.
Sorry, I don't know why I'm going on about all this....Needless to say she has ridiculously powerful issues with traumatic memories. She's had years of therapy and now there's no more flashbacks, or rarely specific memories popping up. But she does have issues where she attributes trauma in other areas. Dreams especially, while not about her past per se, themes are always traumatic and stressful.
I mentioned EMDR to her and she seems interested. She has pretty powerful control and trust issues, and EMDR has what sounds like a hypnotic component to it. How imperative is it that her therapist be specialized in EMDR for it to be effective? I do not want her to go through the ringer of recalling her past if the therapist can't handle really powerful stuff. Basically I need to know if she would need the Cadillac of EMDR therapists, or if any would do. Sorry about the blathering on and thanks for your guidance in this.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
All I can say is.....ABUSE HURTS.
No matter what kind it is, it ALL hurts.
It doesnt seem to bother the abuser the
pain they inflict on another, especially
a child, and the trauma it has and stays
with the victim.
In recovery, I am extremely glad to know
I was not the only one abused but so many
others before and after me. To know you
understand what I went thru. What you went
thru.
It still saddens me today that I can't and won't
have any kind of mother daughter relationship
with my own mom because even today she denies
the harsh abuse she sustained on me mentally,
physically, verbally and emotionally.
I drank to numb those feelings of resentments i
held towards her until i turned 30 yrs old before
family intervention took place getting me help I
so needed at that time in my life.
That was 21 yrs. ago as today I no longer harbor
hatred for her, and still dont like her. For me to move
on in my own recovery, I had to place her and all
those whom I resented in my life over to the care
of the Man upstairs. That way, i don't have to worry
about being hurt any longer and can life happy,
joyous, and freer in recovery.
No matter what kind it is, it ALL hurts.
It doesnt seem to bother the abuser the
pain they inflict on another, especially
a child, and the trauma it has and stays
with the victim.
In recovery, I am extremely glad to know
I was not the only one abused but so many
others before and after me. To know you
understand what I went thru. What you went
thru.
It still saddens me today that I can't and won't
have any kind of mother daughter relationship
with my own mom because even today she denies
the harsh abuse she sustained on me mentally,
physically, verbally and emotionally.
I drank to numb those feelings of resentments i
held towards her until i turned 30 yrs old before
family intervention took place getting me help I
so needed at that time in my life.
That was 21 yrs. ago as today I no longer harbor
hatred for her, and still dont like her. For me to move
on in my own recovery, I had to place her and all
those whom I resented in my life over to the care
of the Man upstairs. That way, i don't have to worry
about being hurt any longer and can life happy,
joyous, and freer in recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Keyn,
From what I understand the technique is fairly easy to master, she told me I could teach others how to do it for me or even do it to myself. I would just have her ask her therapist if they a familiar with EMDR and if they use it in their therapy.
There is also an EMDR website emdrnetwork.org that has a referral component, so she could fine someone in her area.
Also, I welcome blathering, I do it all the time, especially when I am writing because I am a fairly shy person, i have developed a fairly menacing appearance as a help to keep people at a distance and intimidate my daughters boyfriends into behaving themselves.
If you have any more questions I will do my best to answer them or ask my therapist when I see her on Friday.
Big hugs and have a great day.
Bill
From what I understand the technique is fairly easy to master, she told me I could teach others how to do it for me or even do it to myself. I would just have her ask her therapist if they a familiar with EMDR and if they use it in their therapy.
There is also an EMDR website emdrnetwork.org that has a referral component, so she could fine someone in her area.
Also, I welcome blathering, I do it all the time, especially when I am writing because I am a fairly shy person, i have developed a fairly menacing appearance as a help to keep people at a distance and intimidate my daughters boyfriends into behaving themselves.
If you have any more questions I will do my best to answer them or ask my therapist when I see her on Friday.
Big hugs and have a great day.
Bill
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Sharon, great job on turning over all that hatred, I struggly mightily with that issue with my mom because I want her to admit it happened! She does not have to apologize, just admit that you did it, but I know it is not going to happen, so I work on not hating her.
So sorry about all you went through, we are all in a club that no one wanted to join and for so long we thought we were the only member, it makes me so sad, I would do just about anything to make it all stop.
Big hugs,
Bill
So sorry about all you went through, we are all in a club that no one wanted to join and for so long we thought we were the only member, it makes me so sad, I would do just about anything to make it all stop.
Big hugs,
Bill
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,437
Originally Posted by aasharon90 
All I can say is.....ABUSE HURTS.
No matter what kind it is, it ALL hurts.
It doesnt seem to bother the abuser the
pain they inflict on another, especially
a child, and the trauma it has and stays
with the victim.
No matter what kind it is, it ALL hurts.
It doesnt seem to bother the abuser the
pain they inflict on another, especially
a child, and the trauma it has and stays
with the victim.
But it turned out when he was 80 incarcerated in treatment for the first time, it did hurt him all along. It was just that he was too drunk to show it.
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