LotusBlossom

I really had to vent. I have decent health insurance...for most everything but mental health. It's apparently not as important. It covers 50% of my office visit. My income level is low (under $40,000), I live alone, but high enough (over $30,000) that I don't ever qualify for a sliding pay scale and since I HAVE insurance, they won't put me on one anyways. For YEARS, I have wanted therapy. I have a blasted psychology degree for crying out loud (B.S.). I know the value and importance of it. With the amount of abuse (physical/mental/emotional) I have had in my childhood and then again in my marriage I know it's something that I need and want. I also have health problems too. I was diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia and severe migraines and am still getting meds sorted (6 months later). I also was diagnosed with something else in October that I'd rather not discuss on boards and am having to cope with/figure out meds on top of that. The physical ailments have to come first as they completely shut me down and make it so that I cannot even function.

I don't have the money to drive up to my weekly ACOA meeting which is a REALLY good meeting up in Dayton, which infuriates me to no end. There is no other one closer. I can't figure out what Al-Anon meeting I might possibly be able to substitute in place of it either.

I am just really frustrated...I feel emotionally beaten...broken down, exhausted, physically ravaged from everything over the last year and just...wishing I could have time off for a long vacation but knowing I can't. I'm so sick of being in constant pain (physically and emotionally) especially when the physical pain was gone for around 3 months finally...at least for one part of my body. Now that it's back, it's broke me down so fast, I just...don't even feel like dragging the towel behind me this time. I don't even have the energy to throw it in. I keep putting on my happy face and saying I'm fine, I'm on top of the world to everyone...I'm so far from it.


Sigh.

Thanks for letting me share. I really needed to get this off my chest. And sorry for being utterly emo today.

Kialua

I'm so sorry for your frustrations. Life is so frustrating sometimes. I've had a great deal of physical pain for the last decade or more so I get it. It's hard being in that middle ground financially too, make enough to not get help for treatment but not enough to pay for the treatment yourself. I guess books might be the last resort, or forums, not the same I know.

Willybluedog

Lotus, so sorry things are going bad, I know how bad chronic pain is, and the struggle with meds and the insurance company, it is such a heavy burden.

Have you investigated counseling through the PHD program at a nearby university, I know that here they have nearly free counseling service by PHD candidates, supervised by professors.

Please hand in there, big hugs to you, you know your not alone in this, you have me and I am sure many others that will be here to support you.

If you would like to talk you can send me a private message, also my wife is an RN and she may be able to help with any medicine issues you are experiencing, she has been a godsend to me over the last 5 years with my chronic pain issues.

Will say a prayer for you.

dbh

Dear Lotusblossom,

Thanks for coming here and sharing your frustrations. I hate when multiple things go wrong at the same time. It makes me feel helpless and reminds me of my childhood.

I want to scream "WHY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" to the universe.

But, in recovery I try to tell myself that things happen for a reason and hope that bigger, better opportunities open up for me. I always hope that somewhere down the line I'll look back and find something good in even the most awful situation.

So, that's what I'm hoping for you.

None of the ACA meetings in my area clicked with me, so I'm now going to an Al-Anon meeting that has an adult child focus. It's a bit of a hike for me to get there. I have this dream of starting up a meeting closer to home someday.

Best wishes as you figure out this path of your journey.

Keep coming back!

Fondly,

db