comanche

Other people who are participating in both fellowships?

I was definitely abusing alcohol for a time in my life, but sometimes I think that me abstaining completely is just another form of me beating myself up, trying to be "perfect." Then again, this might just be the addictive voice giving me reason to go back to drinking. I know that Adult Children are susceptible to addictions/compulsions and I definitely know that a lot my behavior, not just drinking, was at least at the level of compulsion.

I guess I'm confused and was wondering if anyone else has struggled with this sort of thing?

DesertEyes

Yup, me


Nope, doesn't work that way.

Yup, that's exactly the way it works.

Nope, you're back into the "stinking thinking" of alcoholism, looking for a way to weasel out of recovery.

There are lots of people who have absolutely _no_ history of toxic childhood and yet they are alcoholic. So you cannot use that "susceptible" stuff to dodge the reality of your addiction.

Sounds to me like you are doing things out of order. Each program, AA and ACoA has the steps written in order because that's the way the work. If you jump around and do them out of order then you will get exactly that kind of confusion.

Do you have a sponsor in AA? Have you worked thru all 12 steps with your sponsor? Do you have sponsees? Have you worked with your sponsees thru all 12 steps? An addiction, of whatever kind, requires that you complete all 12 steps ( or the equivalent in whatever program you use ) before you can move on to other issues.

You can certainly start exploring other issues, such as ACoA, but if you are not yet solid in your acceptance of your own alcoholism you are not going to make any progress trying to accept anything else in your life.

All of the above is based on my own experience trying to use the exact same justifications for dodging AA. Been there, done that, did not work for me.

Mike

comanche

Thanks Mike.

I am currently working on my fourth step inventory in AA. I do have a sponsor, but I do not have sponsees. I figure I have to work through the steps before I can think about doing that. I have about nine months sober.

Again thanks for your to-the-point responses to my questions.

GingerM

Comanche, I didn't ever work any programs. I am somewhere around 15 - 17 years dry (since I don't have a "birthday", I never really tracked it, and it's been long enough now that I can't remember exactly when I finally stopped entirely).

I do believe that Mike is spot on though - you have to get those weasel reasons out of your head and embrace your sobriety thoroughly before you can move on to deal with other things.

I found that until I was able to say "I cannot control the alcohol, the alcohol will always control me," I wasn't able to address very many other issues. Once I'd been sober long enough that I no longer even thought about drinking (weasel reasons, stinkin' thinkin' or even contemplating it) was I able to make a dent in all the rest of it.

That being said, *because* I was willing to do enough soul searching to get the alcohol out of my head (getting it out of the body was the easy part, getting it out of my head? not so much), when I did start addressing other issues, it was much easier. The process of seeing what I was doing and why I was doing it was far less difficult. Which is not to say it was/is a cake walk. It's not. But the process, having done it once, is much more smooth.

And Mike's a smart fella. He's definitely someone to listen to. He's helped many of us get through some sticky spots.

Kialua

I recently shared my drinking while a teenager, I was becoming what I hated in my Dad. I was having blackouts and doing way too much drinking and graduating fourth from the bottom of the class came as complete surprise because of the constant stupor I was in. Abstinence has proven my only recourse for over 30 years.
Good luck, you can do it.