neolynn

My mom drove drunk to my son's 8th birthday party. We took her keys and sent her home in a cab. She is now wanting her truck back. I know I don't have any legal right to it and it would be easier to just give it back to her, but I feel a responsibility to keep her from driving. She is 50 and has had 4 DWIs in the last 20 years. Any thoughts, suggestions, or advice?

Thank you in advance.

DesertEyes

Hello neolynn, and welcome to Sober Recovery

Good for you.

The responsibility to keep her from driving belongs to the police and the judge. Your responsibility is to protect yourself and your family, such as what you did by sending her home in a cab.

There are many other things you can do to help your mom. You can start by educating yourself about the disease of alcoholism. There is a lot of information in the "sticky" posts at the very top of this forum, and in the forum "next door".

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

You can also visit a meeting of al-anon in your area. They have loads of wonderful books and pamphlets full of information and suggestions. You don't have to participate in the meeting, you can just sit and watch.

How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico

Take a little to browse around all the posts here and in the other Friends and Family forums. Post any questions you may have. You will find a lot of people here who have dealt with very similar problems and you can learn from their experience.

Welcome again.

Mike

neolynn

lhenderson - Thank you for the poem. She has seen it already and it doesn't change her actions. I have even written up a scenario in which she hits my car and kills me, my husband, and her two grandsons. She just says, "I know" and keeps doing the same things. I am seeing her as the selfish person she is more and more lately. Worrying about hurting or killing someone doesn't keep her from doing the same thing over and over again. She has had to go without a license and vehicle in the past because of her DWIs and I'm hoping this will remind her of what that was like. I just don't want to take on more responsibility than is healthy, since I tend to become hyper-responsible when it comes to her. Thanks again!

neolynn

DesertEyes - Thank you. My husband and I both feel that we handled the situation at the party as well as we could. I wanted to explode at her, but that would have taken attention away from my son and it was his time for attention, not her time. As far as it being the responsibility of the police and judge, I agree but I also think that anyone who has the chance to prevent a crime without putting themselves in danger should do so. The worst she could do is call the cops on me and then I would hand it over. She is not abusive to me and never has been. The only problem I'm having is that I'm focusing on it more than I should. I guess I just wanted to hear from other ACoAs and make sure I wasn't taking on too much responsibility. Just thinking about what to write back to you has given me a better understanding of my stance. I doubt I'll be keeping the truck for much longer, but I at least want to remind her of what it's like to go without. She knows me and how stubborn and resolute I can be; it still amazes me that she had the nerve to drive to my house drunk...for my son's birthday party...when she hasn't been welcome in my house for years because of issues like this. I can't control her actions, but I sure can issue a mini-confiscation...kind of like a citizen's arrest. Thank you again.

GingerM

Where I live, if a person drives drunk from you house, even if you didn't provide any alcohol to them, you are legally liable for their actions. My dad drove home drunk from my house once. I told him that if he ever refused to surrender his keys again (he refused that time), that I would call the police and report him as a drunk driver as soon as he pulled out of the driveway.

That isn't taking on too much responsibility, that's being a good citizen.

I doubt that keeping her truck will make any difference in her behavior or that she'll learn anything from it at all. But preventing her from being on the road with others is good judgment.

Kialua

Hmm, tell her you already gave the keys back to her and she just can't remember it. Just kidding. I am so sorry you are in such a hard spot.