comanche

I just received my copy of the ACA "Big Red Book" and am loving it...I can identify with many of the fourteen traits listed on the Laundry list. Looking back on my life up until now, I am cringing thinking about all the insecure, clingy behavior I took part in, the unhealthy relationships and codependencies. However I am grateful to have this book, and forum, to be able to identify the roots of these tendencies, and be able to work on changing them. I am only 25 so hopefully I can sort this out while still young and live a fuller life from here on out.

Willybluedog

Good for you, hope this is the first major step in a great recovery.

Merry Christmas,

Bill

GingerM

Good for you, Comanche! I was in my late 30s before I started figuring out the ACoA stuff. I hope you do manage to get things figured out sooner rather than later. But if it takes longer than you thought? Well, that's okay too. I don't regret the lessons learned "the hard way", but I'm much happier to be where I am now.

JessSid

I also want to get the book. Lucky for you, you are so young and on the right track!! Great work!

comanche

Thanks everyone...I'm trying to control the urge to just read through the whole massive book as fast as possible. I feel like I'll get more out of it if I just read small chunks at a time in order to better digest what I've read.

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all!

GingerM

I don't see any reason to NOT read through the whole thing as fast as possible. Think of it as a detailed table of contents.

Then read it again, this time slowly. The first time is like looking at a globe, you can kind of see where you are on the planet. The next reading is finding what roads are available to you. The reading after that is narrowing it down to which roads work better for you. Then there's always the referencing it when you forget where you are.

It strikes me that people don't just read the book once. They read, re-read, re-re-read, then use as reference. I don't think there's a wrong way to do it. That you're doing it at all is wonderful!

comanche

Thanks Ginger. I already feel better just having read through the first forty pages or so. It's great just being aware that my tendencies and coping mechanisms are not abnormal but are actually a perfectly reasonable system of handling life based on the atmosphere I grew up in. I see that so much of my people-pleasing and attempts to take care of others are really just manipulation on my part because I am so afraid of not being in control, of being vulnerable. Manipulation may work in the short term but in the end it blows up in my face and I end up hurting myself and people that I really care about.

dollydo

I keep that book on my coffee table and refer to it often!

GingerM

Insanity is a perfectly sane response to an insane world.

siblingofaddict

Comanche, Welcome! I will have to invest in the Big Red it sounds like...as a 23 year old working on the same issues I am happy to know I am not alone (been in recovery 2.5 months). Everyone keeps saying how great it is to be figuring out things at a young age, but wouldn't it be better if we didn't have to?

Ha ha. anyway, hello and enjoy the forum. It has certainly been a tool that helps keep me sane - well, saner - as I work towards recovery. Keep coming back!

GingerM

Yes. Yes it would. I think we can all agree with that, no matter what age we started our recovery.

GingerM

hm, it double posted. Removing double post.