Disordered thinking of alcoholic

Old 10-31-2011, 02:16 PM
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Disordered thinking of alcoholic

I have been reading posts here that explain an alcoholic (or any addict) is not thinking clearly many times, because the drug actually causes changes in the brain while the addict is using.

That really helped explain a lot to me.

How, for instance, my father could blame and see as a bad person, the daughter who called the police the twentieth time my father tried to strangle her mother into unconsciousness or death.

In his mind, he wasn't doing anything wrong, and the 12 year old stepdaughter was "a terrible person" who "is going to grow up all screwed up" because she actually had the courage to call the police for help.

It was really hard for me to understand, to "get" how he thought about things.

It made me think I was crazy. Was I wrong, or was he wrong?

Now I know, he was the one with disordered thinking, and there was no way I could ever think like he did because my brain was not affected by disease.

I would imagine quite a few ACOA's have grown up wondering if they were the crazy ones or if their addict or alcoholic was the one with disordered reasoning and thinking.

It's something I have struggled with all my life, and I will probably always struggle with, but I am understanding more and more that I wasn't the crazy one. Or, at least not any more crazy than any other person out there, LOL.

Thank you SR for helping me understand more about what I grew up around.
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Old 10-31-2011, 02:57 PM
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I still wonder...
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Old 10-31-2011, 05:43 PM
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I've just spent all my life thinking, "why does he think/do that? Why do I see things so differently?" And really all my life thinking I was so wrong and strange and I just couldn't seem to fit into my alcoholic family.

I honestly thought for so many years that I was the crazy and wrong one. Sometimes I thought that I even imagined the things that happened when he was really drunk, because everyone else would act like nothing ever happened. It just made me doubt my reality.

It's amazing to me that I spent so much time and effort trying to "get" him, trying to think like the alcoholic. What a wasted effort.

And I read things here and I realize, I'm not the only one, other ACOA's grow up wondering these things too.
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Old 10-31-2011, 05:45 PM
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I wonder if alcoholics, when they sober up and are in recovery for a number of years, remember any of the crazy stuff, the things they did and said? I wonder if they ever look back and think, "what on earth was I thinking, why did I do that or say that or feel that way?"

I guess what I'm saying is, I wonder if, once they recover and get well, if they look back and feel the same puzzlement and confusion we felt as children watching behavior we had a hard time understanding?
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Old 10-31-2011, 06:02 PM
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I always wondered "why" too. Who would want to choose such a chaotic life, but my Dad did. I decided early on that he was nuts and I wanted nothing to do with him but that's because of physical abuse. The one thing I did do to try to fit into his life was the lies. Answer "a" one day and it worked, answer "a" the next day and it didn't work. Rethink and wonder what answer would work, try "b" and it worked. The next day it didn't. He was so messed up, he was just evil. And I mean that.

I read a brief story of one alcoholic answering his "why". In his case he was a married man, 45, with three kids. He said he had really been drinking since he was 12. He was hooked and alcoholic. He said that he really had quit maturing at 12 but was a man of 45. Imagine trying to solve the problems of a 45 year old with the brain and maturity of a 12 year old. Pay the bills, care about an adolescent daughter, deal with a wife, keep up with the house, keep the car running, on and on. This is what comedies are made of, the 12 year old trying to take care of life like Tom Hanks in Big. Even if he wanted to he had no skills to pull it off.

This totally enlightened me, I had never heard of that before. And it made sense. This is exactly what my Dad was, a twelve year old trying to take care of business. Not only that but he was a mean twelve year old. At least it answered my "why".
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