Alcoholic mother living with teenage son
 

My sister is an alcoholic. In the past year she has lost her marriage, her house, and her job. After losing her house and job, she cashed out her retirement and told her 19 year old son he had to find himself someplace to live, that she was going to live by herself. He had to grow up fast. Works hard and supports himself in his own apartment. My sister has now ran through her money, lost her apartment and now is living with her son. She went through rehab a year ago, but now is drinking again. She has no money, no insurance. My nephew (now 20) gave her an ultimatum tonight. He said "you can't live here if you're drinking". She walked out the door. He called me...he doesn't know what to do. How does he put his mother out? How can he help her? She doesn't have any insurance. She does not want help now...but she is in his house. Would really appreciate help.

I live out of state and can only help from afar. He is all alone with her.

My alcoholic mother lived with me for a short time. I was in my mid-20's. The rule was, you can live here if you're not drinking and you find a job. She failed that so I had to kick her out.

It was really tough but I knew for my sanity I had to do it. I was not willing to watch her kill herself right in front of my eyes, in my home.

Eventually, she got sober. She's been sober for 8 years now. I didn't think that would ever happen. Despite all I tried to do, she did not get sober because of anything I did or said.

It's a horrible position for him to be in. Sounds to me he's doing the right thing, even if it is difficult.

Has he ever looked into Alanon?

Wait a minute, here. SHE...the MOTHER tossed her own son out! Then she comes crawling to him to try to mooch off of her young adult son who's just trying to get by himself after being tossed out - and now he is carrying the burden of feeling guilty for wanting his mother to leave because she is drunk? I'm sorry, but that's just not fair.

He needs to throw her out, for his own sanity. SHE is the parent, not the other way around. I spent way too many of my years parenting the parents and I can tell you...now in my 30's it breaks you down.

If you want to help him, please support him emotionally and give him the strength to know that this is her problem and he is NOT a bad person for wanting to live a healthy, normal life. Mom needs to go....she can go find somewhere else to destroy herself. Not his job to help her and until she cleans up, nothing he does to try to help her will be acknowledged or appreciated. She'll just use it as a crutch (i.e. free money and an easier way) to keep doing what she's doing.

Are you saying no insurance for rehab? Look into the Salvation Army, I'm in Canada and they do have rehab which I think is free. It would likely ease his guilt if he offered her the choice of rehab or out of his house. It's up to her and he should stick by his ultimatum.

Suggest to him that he get an ACOA counsellor. He needs a support system, this is alot to take on by himself.

He cannot fix her, she can only do this when she is ready, this young man is holding his own, he does not need his "boat anchor" of a mother weighing him down.

Support his decision, recommend al-anon for both of you, give him as much love as you can.

Best of luck to both of you.

There are a lot of free (county/state) rehabs out there. Also, many low cost ones. I went to rehab without having any insurance in TX. I thought about going again a few months ago and found several here in GA. (my counselor gave me 40 pages to research and 80% were free or sliding scale).

What state is she in? I would be happy to do some research for you if she is willing to go into a facility. It has to be her choice, no one can force someone to get clean. However, if son kicks her out, she may have no choice but to go to rehab for roof over her head.

So sad for the son. He has to think of himself, it's hard. He will have to kick her out if she won't follow his rules. All involved are in my prayers.