PLEASE HELP, I need advice

Old 09-22-2011, 05:47 PM
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PLEASE HELP, I need advice

My mom is killing herself with alcohol. She waked up drunk and goes to bed drunk. She has stopped eating. She has health issues and the only reason she wants to live is because of me. This is not enough for her though. She will not get help, I have tried. So I have two options...

1. Force her into a mental health institution and deal with her hating me for however long she has left even though I have heard that if they don't want to get better they never will. Do I deal with the guilt of locking her up for the rest of her life? (because I have no doubt she would never get out)

2. Or let her slowly kill herself with the alcohol and let her finish her life how she wants. Do I deal with the guilt that I didn't stop it? Could I stop it?

I know that you can't tell me what I should do, but what would you do? I'm so lost right now.
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Old 09-22-2011, 06:29 PM
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Firecallie,

You and I are in virtually the same situation. My mom is dead set (literally) on drinking herself into the grave. I have given up on expecting her to change, there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop her and since she has her faculties I cannot get her committed.

I really don't have any advice for you that you probably have not already heard before i.e. counseling or al-anon. Please take care of yourself, get enough rest, eat right, exercise and pray or meditate.

There are so many people here who have walked this road abd can give you good advice on how to cope with your pain. You might also check out the spirituality section under friends and family.

Which I had more to offer, please come back often and let us know how you are doing.
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Old 09-22-2011, 06:48 PM
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Thank you for the reply and i'll be thinking about you too.
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Old 09-23-2011, 09:49 AM
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I'm sorry for the position you are in and the heartache you are going through. At this point, it's okay to be selfish - in fact you have to be selfish for your own survival.

Do what you need to do to be happy and whole.

Welcome. I'm glad you are here.
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Old 09-23-2011, 11:06 PM
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firecallie are you the only child? Is this only your responsibility? This is a terrible position to be in. My AF was high functioning until the end so we never had to face this situation until the law stepped in and incarcerated him at 80 years old.

But my sister, she was finally diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia and we had a long hard time getting her admitted to a facility that could make a difference. It is very hard to get someone admitted against their will, it took decades and a court order for more than a 30 day watch. And when she did admit herself she would check herself out the minute she got balanced out. She finally did get so bad that she is living her life out now in a facility that she will never get out of.

I guess my advice would be that if your Mom is near the end, in your opinion, then it would definitely be safer for her to spend her last days in a facility.

Let the hate/blame fall where it may, it's not real -it's just the disease talking. My alcoholic Dad never 'forgave' me for my supposed errors and I really never cared, I didn't need it. Find solace in the group here, in meetings, any support system you have and in God.

Let us know how it's going.
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Old 09-24-2011, 04:40 AM
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Firecallie-
your mom is killing herself with alcohol because she has the disease of addiction. There is nothing you can really do......being the 1st, 2nd, 3rd or whatever child has nothing to do with it. If she wants to quit she has to hit rock bottom or decide to "just" quit, if not...I would use my time taking care of myself at this point. You have done all that you can. Addiction affects everyone around the alcoholic or addict if you let it, do not let it......


Blessings,
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Old 09-24-2011, 05:33 AM
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Thank you everyone for your support! I don't have many words right now but it does mean a lot.
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Old 09-24-2011, 07:27 AM
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firecallie wrote:
1. Force her into a mental health institution
As Kialua pointed out: that is very hard to do.
Admissions into mental institutions are usually court ordered by a judge and a hearing is usually required, the admission evaluated on the basis of doctors diagnosis and testimony. Mental institutions are not interested in admitting alcoholics either. They are not set up for the treatment of alcoholics, but for the mentally ill.

If your mother says she is living for you, would she consider rehab, either outpatient or inpatient? she could also start out with a detox facility.
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Old 09-24-2011, 09:11 AM
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Its a tough call,I know we cant tell you what you should do.If I was in your shoes id contact someone from AA to come have a chat with her,or you could get her well enough to go to open AA Meeting.I could not let her die if there was something I thought I could do.When you have done everything possible ,then let her go.
You look after yourself in the mean time and go to an Al Anon meeting.......
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Old 09-24-2011, 09:45 AM
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Not only child but the only one she has a good relationship with. I have done everything I could to get her to get help willingly. Now, today I finally took the step and called county "Human Services" and her Dr. (which she is no longer willing to see) and left them a message.

We were supposed to have lunch today but she couldn't stop drinking from the time she woke up to the time we were supposed to eat to see me. If I go over there, it would only upset her to the point of her losing it completely. Not to mention I can't handle it and the stress of seeing her like that.

She knows my husband and I were trying for our first baby. I have told her over and over again that I need her for when that happens. She swears she will be there for me but I know better....
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Old 09-24-2011, 02:10 PM
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Lightbulb Helping Mom;

Maybe an Intervention can help? Do you have anyone else that cares about your Mom enough to help carry this kind of thing out?
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Old 09-24-2011, 03:57 PM
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I commend you for all that you are doing to help her.....but she has got to do something to help herself..............You are enableing her as it is.
Leave her to the Human Services+ Dr for awhile and see what Happens.God Bless you and Your Husband And Her as Well.
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