wishing to do well to inflict pain/grief/revenge on those that abused/hurt us
 

has anyone else identified such a though.

im noticing that this desire is present in me. i feel grief and hurt and so wish to seek revenge on people that hurt me by going out and getting a super job.

logically im not sure how sound this plan is since a it puts the pressure on myself to get a super job to 'show them' [therefore lesser jobs will always be not good enough] and b is revenge a good motivating factor really in terms of deciding on a career path

Revenge is rarely a good motivating factor for any action. Revenge comes from anger, anger comes from - something else underneath the anger: hurt, lost trust, lost faith, unmet needs.

Running your life off of the idea of revenge is essentially allowing those you're seeking revenge upon to continue to control your actions. You are only taking those actions because of the people who hurt you.

Finding and addressing what lies underneath the anger that drives the revenge will allow you to make the decisions that are good for YOU, not for any other reason. It's not a fast process, but in the end, it is well worth it.

I think I've said before, no matter how good your job is, abusers will find a reason to downplay, ridicule, or ignore your accomplishments. You will not get a sense of having shown them, because they'll still act as if your accomplishment is nothing. Moreover, you will not be happy in a job that you got just to show them. And how has that helped you?

What do you love to do above all else? Find a job that uses that skill, talent, or passion, and do it for yourself.

The only reason for you to do anything in your life is because it is in your best interest.

Revenge is a toxic emotion, one that is counterproductive to your well being.

Strive to be the very best person you can be...for you...

I agree with the others. However, I think you can flip this thought into something more proactive....

Think of it this way...

Instead of doing good as revenge. Do good for yourself because you want BETTER for yourself. Make good choices because you don't want to be like THEM. Succeed in life because you want to live a healthy and normal life instead of a wasted, toxic life.

Do good for you....and forget about what the negative people in your life say about it. Negative people breed more negativity. You will never get a "Hey, good job" out of these people...it will always be more like a "Yeah, that's not bad, but you should have done this or that"...and they probably could have done it better!! You see what I'm saying? If you spend your energy trying to outdo a nay-sayer it will never work. They will still nay-say your good doings!

Instead, focus on being the best YOU can be for YOU. Do something YOU are interested in that will better YOUR life because it will make YOU feel good.

I know what you're talking about to a degree. My mom the A (sober for a long time), has NEVER paid me a compliment. I am 55. I try as hard as I can to be accomplished at things, yet to her it's never good enough as, say, my cousin, or her neices and nephews. So, once I figured out that winning the lottery wouldn't get a compliment, I quit trying and quit caring. I work for ME. I do what makes me happy, not what satisfies her. While I still have issues with her, I get along with her and don't allow her to undermine me, or talk down to me any more. I am what I am, take it or leave it!