My Father Relapsed After 8+ Years Sober
 

To make a very long story a little shorter, my father who has been sober for 8 ½ years has relapsed. The last time he got sober was because he was hospitalized with pancreatitis and diagnosed with diabetes. I really believed this was the last time we'd have to go through it.



My mother passed away Easter 2009 from cirrhosis and that hit my dad pretty hard even though they’ve been divorced since ’85. But he stayed sober through it and I was very proud of him. However, his own mother got very sick very quickly around October of last year and that’s when he began drinking again. We found this out way after the fact. She passed in November while I was 8 months pregnant and that’s when I first began to suspect he may be drinking. But because of the length of his sobriety, the loss of my mother, and my pregnancy,I just couldn’t even allow my mind to go there. He confirmed my suspicions on my wedding anniversary this year. But was still keeping it completely hidden from everyone except me & one of my sisters. He hit his bottom (well, A bottom) mid-May and went to a rehab for 5 days. Although only the immediate family knew: his wife, and me & my 2 sisters.


Once released, I immediately noticed he wasn’t attending meetings as often as he should have. He was still isolating and seemed distant. But not as bad as before and I never smelled anything on him. He just still seemed depressed, and lost. But I definitely didn't think he was drinking. Again.



However, he called me on Tuesday at work, hysterically crying and so depressed he couldn’t get out of bed. He’s sunk so deep he’s nothing but a shell of the man he used to be. But he has asked for help and is now in rehab. I haven’t spoken to him since Wednesday and the only conversations I’d had with him in the 48 hours preceding his check-in were just horrible. Tear soaked apologetic rants of pain and sorrow. He’s SO depressed. He’s suffered from depression his entire life. And he couldn't take it and started drinking again.


I guess this has no point. I just felt like I needed to get it out. I'm so sad and hurt. I just feel broken and lost. My heart hurts. And I'm full of anxiety from not speaking to him which is strange. I guess because I usually speak to him at LEAST every other day. Thanks for allowing me to get this off my chest. I know this place is full of plenty of people that have gone through this and I just wanted to be some place where I didn't feel so incredibly alone. xoxo

You are not alone, we are here for you.

I'm sorry for what you are going through. So much loss and on top of that, dealing with your father's relapse.
I said a similar thing the other day to my sister. I have more anxiety not talking to my father then I do when I am talking to him when I know he is drinking.
I hope that rehab is successful for your father.
Good luck