SoberClean

Well, I got a phone call again today. My mother was drunk in the ER, again. I went over there just to have her chew me out for something she was mad at me about. over and over again, for hours and hours. she couldn't remember the conversations we had 5 minutes ago about the subject. She just remembered that she was mad at me, and couldn't drop it.

It was a lovely experience *sarcasm*.

Besides the never ended butt chewing, I was able to hear her paranoid rants about how she won't eat the meal they just brought her because she doesn't know what people put in it (in the factory sealed container of juice, chips, and milk etc.). Also, about how everyone is trying to trick her into getting help. I got to hear her say flat out lies over and over again about how she didn't have much to drink.

She didn't know how she got to the hospital. But she was very upset that she was there.

In her mind, most people do drink. She doesn't understand why she gets rushed to the hospital every time she has "a drink." She doesn't understand the difference between being extremely drunk for days on end, flirting with death, the way she drinks, and having a glass of wine with dinner.

As I drove her home tonight, I made some casual conversation. I told her that my classes are going well, it is my last week for summer classes, etc. I realized she was absolutely clueless as to anything that was going on in my life for the last several months. That hurt more that the butt chewings, and more than the red flags that she is going crazy.

I feel like she is dead to me. This is not woman that raised me. She doesn't seem sane. Of course, i don't want her to die, I want her to get healthy and live, but I don't want her in my life until she gets the help that she needs.

I feel like she will never that help. I really, truly feel like she will go to the afterlife before she puts a sincere effort into getting better (ie attending meeting regularly, or going to rehab).

So I guess, mommy, that in my mind, I am burying you in the ground today. You are survived by your children and grandchildren, brothers and sister, and parents. you were loved by many. It is so overwhelmingly sad that you went so young, and that this awful disease took you from your loved ones so soon. A piece of my heart has died with you and I miss you dearly. I can't wait for the day when we will all be reunited in heaven, so mother please sit on my shoulder and watch over me as my guardian angel, until we meet again.

Please get better soon mom. I love you. I miss you.

chicory

soberclean,

I truly understand. I was there once, with my mother. she lost a kidney, before she finally quit, tho her health was pretty much ruined. she had alienated all of us, her kids, before that happened. we just stayed away, for the most part, until she stopped her drinking.
She was lucky, in that she did survive after losing that kidney, and had some sober years.

none of us could make her stop. she had to hit bottom, and alone, for she was a mean drunk.

Take care of yourself. I hope that she gets a miracle, and that you get time with a sober mother someday soon.
i am sorry for your pain, soberclean.

hug,
chicory

dollydo

Sorry, I am on the same page as you are. My mother is 85, and has again started to mix pills and booze, bad situation. I fear that she will live to 95 and still be drinking.

Sending hugs your way!

Eddiebuckle

SC,

I'm sorry you are going through this. I remember that feeling well, even though my mother passed away Easter weekend 1999. You love your mother, but there is a point beyond which your attempts to help her will only drive a wedge between you. Detach with love, and turn it over. Save your energy for the day that she is ready to quit, knowing that there is no guarantee that it will arrive.

You are in my prayers.

Edd

GingerM

I, too, can relate. I "lost" my mother years ago, and processed it and "buried" her in my mind as she was no longer the mother I knew.

Now? I get to do the same with my father. His behaviors have been getting more and more chaotic (but not enough so for me to be able to legally do anything about it). He is no longer my dad - he's simply my father.

My dad was the sane one of my parents. Now I have two crazy parents who operate in a different reality from the rest of the family, and make all kinds of excuses for why it's okay to do so. So now I must let go of the dad I once knew, and replace him with the father I currently have.

It's a very hard journey to make. You have my sympathies.