doublewhammy

Bill, thanks for that. I'll pass it along. She's too out of it to get the key in the ignition most days so I highly doubt she'd have the cognitive ability to look for relay switches or fuses.

Thanks, everyone. Yes, I am good. I'm not sure exactly what "clicked" for me the past few months, but I am in a good place when it comes to my mother. Strangely enough, I am at odds with some of her family members, not speaking to my mother at all and am the happiest I have been in a long time. I think I was sinking WAY too much energy into trying to get people to understand the truth about my mother and constantly feeling let down by them every time they acted like they finally "got it" but then fell victim to her again - or at the very least continued to enable her be it financially or emotionally. It was just so damn frustrating.

The thing I have come to realize is that, I am actually the one in a better place. If they want to sink their energy into my mother's b.s. and spend their days on the phone listening to her whine and cry about how awful we are; or listen to her lies every other aspect of her life including her drinking...well that's their issue -- and their unhealthy place. I'm not there anymore!

You know what they say...I didn't cause it, I can't change and I can't control it. So, I really don't care what any of them say or think about me, or how they choose to waste their time on my mother anymore. Even with school full time I feel more free then I ever was by letting go of my mom and all the drama that comes along with her. I have more "time" then ever because my mind isn't bogged down by trying to come up with a way to help her, change her, outsmart her, or persuade others into realizing what she's really all about.

For a long time I kept on dealing with her because "she was my mother", then I had this revolution. She may have given birth to me, but she's really never been a mother. Big difference. Time to stop parenting the parents. I have my own child to take care of. I'm soooo done, and it feels awesome!

Kialua

So glad you have freed yourself from the tyranny of trying to get everyone to understand! That can be a vicious trap that drags you down emotionally. Good luck with your school.

doublewhammy

Yes, I'm so done with that drama! It's so pointless!

Impurrfect

(((DW))) - YAY for you!! It took me a while to not get all wrapped up in the drama of my own family (major codies) but guess I finally hit my bottom on that, too. If one is angry or hurt by the other, I am NOT the only person they can talk to, I don't really need to know the details. It's usually something they've been through over and over, and I've finally gotten to where I just say "if nothing changes, nothing changes" and leave the room.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

doublewhammy

Absolutely PERFECT!! That's exactly right. And, since they are not changing, WE HAVE TO!

doublewhammy

Welp....the neighbors called my dad at work to tell him that they just saw a man with a pick up truck and a bunch of tools in the driveway. No one knows who he was, maybe light duty auto service (battery jumps, flat tires, etc.)?? The neighbor says that by the time the guy was able to put his tools away and get back in his car my mom was already gone. Off she goes....to the liquor store. Unreal. If she kills someone today, who is to blame? The cops say they can't take her keys....well look what happened.

Kialua

Wow amazing isn't it? I'm not that surprised though. My Dad would drive through anything to get his too.

If her car was to be so broken that it wasn't repairable does she have the means to buy a new one? What would she do then? Call a cab? Does she have friends that would give her another car? Is it totally paid for? Who makes the payments, would they stop? Is it insured? who pays for that and would they stop? Who holds the title?

Not saying you should entirely destroy the car, *sugar in the tank* cough cough, but just wondering.

doublewhammy

She does not have the means to buy a new car. She has exhausted what little savings they did have by spending money on booze and also paying bills during her long periods of unemployment. Now, there is nothing left and she is still unemployed without any attempt at trying to gain employment. She literally just uses credit cards or money from my grandmother to sit home and drink all day. That's all she does. She does not have friends that would give her a car. It appears she doesn't have friends that would give her a ride either because she has made numerous round trips to the liquor store by foot since they took her keys, etc. The car is paid for, the insurance is paid for the year (my dad and I just were talking about this because he was looking at insurance prices and to see if he could separate their policies).

It would be nice if they could do something more permanent, but since she's already tried to press charges on them, I think any damage they do to her car will just be causing them a criminal record and she'd just have it fixed on credit or from sympathy cash from her mom....

GingerM

I'm glad that you're better able to disentangle yourself from your mom, and also glad that your dad seems to be doing the same. At least the two of you will have each other and will hopefully gain serenity together - you're only losing one parent, not both.

It's very very difficult to let someone destroy themselves. It's even harder to watch it, see where it's leading and know there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. The closest thing you could do would be call the cops as soon as she's actively driving her car while drunk and report her. I don't know what your state laws are, but here, enough DUI's gets you tossed in jail for a while. And mandatory diversion programs. And if you don't go to the diversion programs, you go back to jail. And it's really pretty difficult to get alcohol while in jail.