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Old 07-11-2011, 10:27 AM   #1 (permalink)

Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 101

Isolation and ACoA

My therapist had told me not to isolate myself and that was one bit of advice I thought I was following with an occasional movie, restaurant meal, going on long walks.

I had only socialized with my dysfunctional family as I have written about here.

As the year anniversary approached of when we all basically stopped contact with each other I was getting very depressed.

This past weekend I did start out with some heavy gardening which helped but realized I needed more (but was already phrasing it how to get my home ready for my new friends/family of choice).

Heard about a party and went. Normally would have put it off or not gone because was depressed, had done yardwork, why bother, etc...

You do not dwell on your family of origin problems while socializing at all (make sure you don't bring up any of the ACA type topics though).

I even took people up on their offers for other suggestions and will follow up and reach them and do things they suggested - the typical "we should do this" type of thing that I always just say ya and then don't.

Then the next day went to a sports event and found out about other events that are similar and talked to a lot more people and got their names.

There are even meet up groups for different interests.

Definitely recommend this. It was hard to socialize when we had our Mom as an active alcholic. I ran family friends off by talking about it even would call them up and ask what to do about it. There is nothing they could have done and I could not either.

Also had made a friend who I just went on about dysfunctional family problems and they don't contact me as much.

Lesson learned: not healthy to discuss issues while non isolating and keeps people away.

Use a forum, meeting or even journal as only we understand what this is all about.
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Old 07-12-2011, 04:19 PM   #2 (permalink)
Starting over
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
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Hello MMkm, and thanks for sharing.

I also had problems with isolating when I became an adult. It took me longer than you to work on that issue, but I slowly did exactly what you mentioned. Now I enjoy my friends, and have become much better at avoiding toxic people.

Sunsets are not endings. If I have enough faith, they are beginnings.
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Old 07-13-2011, 08:27 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 216
Good for you, MMkM!

I am just beginning to test the waters of my isolation. I'm still very cautious and look carefully, still retreating more than I venture out.

But, I am getting more comfortable in my "new skin" of recovery. I have hope now, where I had none before.

Again, congratulations on your big leap!
I need to get my head out of the sand!
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Old 07-28-2011, 05:06 AM   #4 (permalink)

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I, too, have expanded my social circle greatly. It used to be my (alcoholic) family and my (lying, cheating) husband, and I was getting a lot of subtle and sometimes not so subtle messages that I was a screw-up. Amazingly, I joined a group and started making friends outside this sphere and found out the rest of the world sees someone very different.

I think back to high school and how rarely I had friends over, didn't really go out with friends much, etc.
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