Have not visited a single family
 

member in one year.

And have had only emails with one sister.

Never saw my dad (talked to him maybe 3 times on phone) or brother (talked to him three times) and his family since we discovered my dad left alone with the streetman (with a probable criminal record) who asked who we were when we came to visit my dad.

I am just overwhelmed with the reality of this as the week this all happened is coming up.

During the year was detaching and feeling much better about it.

Almost in freak out mode - even asked my husband to not go on a trip.

Such a large family - 4 children and my dad and the stepmom.

The family dog (very old) also recently died.

Nothing is left.

My mother died of alcoholic complications 10 years ago and we thought the pain was over - but this woman marries my dad and this family is just torn apart.

Yes, I have gotten counseling, but wonder if a shocker of a memory can trigger such feelings a year later on the actual week it happened.

If I am busy I don't dwell on it as much but hope this is something that is expected as part of recovery.

Or did I not do a real recovery program that would have made me stronger dealing with this.

Was just reading the stickies and some new posts under the 'Breaking the Dysfunctional Pattern'.

A recent post discusses 'inner bullying' which would be depression, sadness, rage over what has happened.

This was gotten from the ACoA program.

Does anyone go to meetings or read the ACoA book or attend the online meetings.

Or have some of you done the AlAnon program.

Obviously I need to read more about this, and the stickies do get new info added.

I probably need to order that big Red Book or ACoA book.

I do not have kids so not concerned with the dysfunctions being handed down another generation.

Just trying to keep the toxicity out of my life.

But if not actively working a program then I am allowing that exact thing to happen.

Hi M
I m in the same boat as you. This dang legacy we were given stinks. I am also having a rough time with family dysfunction & it's really hitting home. It has really affected my adult children & I can't fix it for them.

I am reading ACOA big red book. Although it's a relief to finally put some definition to my
madness, it's like waking on cracked ice at times.

When I read your post, my heart hurts for you, your family and mine.
However, it's a comfort in some way to know I'm not alone. I hope you find some sort of comfort & peace also.

Huggs

Thanks Hope2be

that is what I am concerned with if the ACoA big red book will open up old wounds and how people work through that.

I almost dread it.

The childhood stuff was relatively sort of normal - a lot of verbal fighting between parents that was kept from us until teen years - then tons of verbal fighting.

I did read on this forum that someone considered children being exposed to fighting of parents is considered a form of emotional abuse.

Then my Mom became an alcoholic after we were all grown which is just as painful.

And set up the dysfunctional family roles - I believe the ACoA now includes children/adults from dysfunctional families (not necessarily with an alcoholic or drug addict).

- What did end up helping the most: got out some forum posts I have saved and also got out the DBT book - Dialectical Behavior Therapy - helps with coping skills in a rational manner.

That helped some.

The biggest thing I did: heavy yardwork - that had me forgetting about it, but kept the thought of getting my yard in shape and my house to be able to invite new people/FOC (family of choice) over.

The yardwork erased that depressed/anxious feeling - guess I will have the big clippers, rake, weed eater, and lawnmower on standy to use as needed.

Tomorrow have a big sports event to participate in.

So staying busy does help.

Yes, we all know what we are going through.