Fear
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Hungary
Posts: 71
Fear
I just realized how deep the FEAR is in me. It was my companion since my early childhood and my childhood memories are plagued with fear and anxiety. Will daddy be sober when he comes home...will he break something again...will there be yelling again...will he die today...etc., and not only anticipatory anxiety but that horror I experienced that still sends shivers down my spine when he did come home drunk.
I was afraid of the stupidest things. I still am.
I was wondering if you had and have the same problem or it's just me? I know fear shaped my life for a great extent. What's your relationship with fear? Can you make it go away?
I was afraid of the stupidest things. I still am.
I was wondering if you had and have the same problem or it's just me? I know fear shaped my life for a great extent. What's your relationship with fear? Can you make it go away?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 216
Hi SusieC:
Fear has motivated most of my dysfunctional actions for my adult life. I recently listened to John Bradshaw's Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing your Inner Child and it has helped me to understand why I do what I do.
I discovered that my fears were produced by insecurities as a child, which were way above and beyond what a child could cope with. I too was paralysed by fear of the real and the unknown of living within alcoholic chaos.
Therefore, as an adult, I still react to situations with a child's viewpoint regarding fear and would do anything to avoid it....hence the codependent behaviors of controlling people and situations at all cost. I acknowledge this info as truth for myself.
After listening to this audiobook by Bradshaw, I began soothing my inner child when these frightful feelings come up. I'm beginning to see that this frightened little child is the driving force behind my compulsive actions and reactions. I try to soothe her when she's frightened and that seems to help calm me. I tell her that I will take care of her now.
I did touch on this type of inner child therapy over 20 yrs ago, but I didn't get it. Now I do.
I believe firmly that all the answers are within us and this is why it's so important that I work a program of recovery which exclusively deals with me (only!).
Huggs from one kid to another
Fear has motivated most of my dysfunctional actions for my adult life. I recently listened to John Bradshaw's Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing your Inner Child and it has helped me to understand why I do what I do.
I discovered that my fears were produced by insecurities as a child, which were way above and beyond what a child could cope with. I too was paralysed by fear of the real and the unknown of living within alcoholic chaos.
Therefore, as an adult, I still react to situations with a child's viewpoint regarding fear and would do anything to avoid it....hence the codependent behaviors of controlling people and situations at all cost. I acknowledge this info as truth for myself.
After listening to this audiobook by Bradshaw, I began soothing my inner child when these frightful feelings come up. I'm beginning to see that this frightened little child is the driving force behind my compulsive actions and reactions. I try to soothe her when she's frightened and that seems to help calm me. I tell her that I will take care of her now.
I did touch on this type of inner child therapy over 20 yrs ago, but I didn't get it. Now I do.
I believe firmly that all the answers are within us and this is why it's so important that I work a program of recovery which exclusively deals with me (only!).
Huggs from one kid to another
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Ah yes, FEAR, just a little four letter word that can interfer with our ability to live a fullfilling life.
My fear? Always has been the same, not able to financially support myself. The reason goes back to the core of my life, I lived in poverty, in the back room of my mothers store. No shower, no bathtub, just a sink and a toilet. We cooked on a two burner cooktop....this went on until I was 9, we then moved to a boarding house. Yippe, we had a bathroom down the hall, it was complete with a bathtub!
My father did pay $15.00 a week for child support, it didn't go very far.
So, I had a choice, either continue to let my fear control my life or do something about it. I chose to do something, I focused on my career, I became totally financially self sufficent. I have been married, yet, I never comingled my funds, I always owned my own house and car, all in my name only...why? I had a burning desire to not let fear control my life, in my case, it was a good decision. I would have been broke if I had not kept my finances seperate. So in this case, my fear of fear ended up being a positive mindset for me.
Here is an acronym for fear:
F antasy
E xpectations
A ppearing
R eal
Fear causes us to give up before we've even gotten started, fear stops success.
I generally experienced fear when I was frustrated and when my self esteem was threatened or I felt pressured to perform beyond my percieved capability.
Unhealthy fear is paralysing, healthy fear is mobilizing, so I chose to convert my unhealthy fear into healthy fear and use it to my advantage.
I totally understand where you are coming from, however, don't let your unhealthy fear keep you stuck in the past.
Rome wasn't built in a day, my recovery from living in a toxic enviorment still haunts me today, I will continue to work my recovery and move forward to attain a better, more self confident me!
As Franklin D Roosevelt said "You Have Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself"
Watcha think? Are you ready to confront your fears?
My fear? Always has been the same, not able to financially support myself. The reason goes back to the core of my life, I lived in poverty, in the back room of my mothers store. No shower, no bathtub, just a sink and a toilet. We cooked on a two burner cooktop....this went on until I was 9, we then moved to a boarding house. Yippe, we had a bathroom down the hall, it was complete with a bathtub!
My father did pay $15.00 a week for child support, it didn't go very far.
So, I had a choice, either continue to let my fear control my life or do something about it. I chose to do something, I focused on my career, I became totally financially self sufficent. I have been married, yet, I never comingled my funds, I always owned my own house and car, all in my name only...why? I had a burning desire to not let fear control my life, in my case, it was a good decision. I would have been broke if I had not kept my finances seperate. So in this case, my fear of fear ended up being a positive mindset for me.
Here is an acronym for fear:
F antasy
E xpectations
A ppearing
R eal
Fear causes us to give up before we've even gotten started, fear stops success.
I generally experienced fear when I was frustrated and when my self esteem was threatened or I felt pressured to perform beyond my percieved capability.
Unhealthy fear is paralysing, healthy fear is mobilizing, so I chose to convert my unhealthy fear into healthy fear and use it to my advantage.
I totally understand where you are coming from, however, don't let your unhealthy fear keep you stuck in the past.
Rome wasn't built in a day, my recovery from living in a toxic enviorment still haunts me today, I will continue to work my recovery and move forward to attain a better, more self confident me!
As Franklin D Roosevelt said "You Have Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself"
Watcha think? Are you ready to confront your fears?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Hungary
Posts: 71
Wow, great points of view and many things to think about!
I tend to be too weak to act, or too paralyzed? Maybe paralyzed is a better word for it. I also realized that for me to be afraid is the normal state to be in. When there is chaos and anxiety and crisis, now that's when I feel "at home". It will be very hard to fight this.
Hope2be, I will try to find that audiobook and listen to it myself! You're so right about the inner child, I also react like I did when I was a child. I still feel like a child in many situations.
Dollydo, I envy your strength! I hope I'll be this strong one day too
I'm in a sort of a crisis right now and I'm trying very hard to react in a positive way but I'm always back to my childlike ways...
I tend to be too weak to act, or too paralyzed? Maybe paralyzed is a better word for it. I also realized that for me to be afraid is the normal state to be in. When there is chaos and anxiety and crisis, now that's when I feel "at home". It will be very hard to fight this.
Hope2be, I will try to find that audiobook and listen to it myself! You're so right about the inner child, I also react like I did when I was a child. I still feel like a child in many situations.
Dollydo, I envy your strength! I hope I'll be this strong one day too
I'm in a sort of a crisis right now and I'm trying very hard to react in a positive way but I'm always back to my childlike ways...
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