sadmama

HI, I am a sad mama because I have children addicted . Our family was very disfunctional because of an alcoholic father. It breaks my heart to watch my daughter destroy herselfand her life with alcohol. I came to this site because i needed to find someone who can understand the pain i feel as i watch her ruin her life.Knowing it is completely out of my control. Do they ever find the strength to care that they are killing themselves ?

giblert

Hi sadmama, nice to meet you.

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. I know it's awful to watch people in your life ruin themselves with their addictions. I don't have any children yet, but I have had to watch my much younger brother go through his problems and I know how that hurts, I can only imagine your pain.

One thing I can share with you is that with my brother, more so than with my parents, I get so mad at him. I mean I didn't see my parents start down their paths, but I've been a full witness to his and it makes me want to scream. I mean, I see him screwing up and I see how different it could be for him and I just want to fix him and that's where a lot of my frustration comes from. Right now we live far far apart and we don't really speak but everyone else keeps me updated on his problems (Of course! Nothing a dysfunctional family loves more than gossip.)

Just wondering, is it your daughter's father who is also an alcoholic? If so could she possibly be interested in exploting adult children stuff. Maybe it would be easier at first to acknowledge his addiction and it might lead her to acknowledge her? I don't know, my thoughts are with you...Lisa

mick

You have not said that you go to Al-Anon meetings. There is no substitute.
Mick

JT

I have to agree with Mick...that is where I went when things got out of control. My son is an alcoholic. This site and the anon boards have also helped my recovery grow more than I can say.

I have seen you over there...there are alot of mom's in your shoes.

If you need help finding a meeting PM me. I will see what I can do.

Hugs,
JT

nici

sad mama,
my i can relate so my dad is a alcoholic he is 60 rs old and will most likely never change he is in denial. It kills me to watch him live his life depressed..he is so needy but all the talking in the world wont help him he thinks he needs no help...
My problem with this also is i have made a good life fro myself with work and a nice apartment with nice clothes so when i visit him i give him all of my moey because i feel guilty about having what i have and he dosent i must learn boundaries, and know that i am not responsible for what he has or dosent have its just hard

nici

can someone tell me anything about how a al-anon meeting is

mick

Nici
I have sent you a private message and an email about alanon meetings in the Bronx. They are for anybody who is a friend or family of somebody with a drink problem. They are there to help you.

http://www.nycalanon.org/meetings/bronx.html


Sunday
1:00p Reg
Closed Helping Hand
Jacobi Medical Center, Bldg. 5, 4th fl
Seminole & Morris Park Aves
On grounds of Bx Municipal Hosp
Pelham Parkway

7:00p Reg Fresh Start
Church of the Mediator
260W 231st St
Kingsbridge
7:00p Beg
7:15p Reg Pelham
Community Church of The Pelhams
in the turret
Washington and Highbrook Avenues
Pelham Parkway



Monday
8:00p Reg Monday Night AAC
First Lutheran Church, basement
3075 Baisley Ave at Hollywood
Middleton



Tuesday
1:00p Reg Open Wakefield group
Redeemer Lutheran Church, 2nd floor
4360 Boyd Ave
Wakefield
8;00p Reg
AdvN
Children Live And Let Live
St Stephen's Church, basement
439 E 238th St at Vireo Ave
Woodlawn



Wednesday
7:30p Reg
AAC Let it Begin With Me
Hebrew Hospital Home
801 Co-op City Blvd
Co-op City



Thursday
7:30p Reg Kingsbridge
Church of the Mediator
260 W 231st St and Kingsbridge Ave
Kingsbridge (near Riverdale)
8:30p Reg*
AdvN
*(Week 1=Step) Gratitude
Calvary Hospital
1740 Eastchester Road
Morris Park



Friday
7:30p Beg
8:30p Reg Open
AA also Westchester Sq/Throggs Neck
St. Benedict's Church
(senior citizen center - downstairs)
Bruckner Blvd. Between Edison & Logan Avenues
Westchester Sq/Throggs Neck
8:00p Reg*
AdvN
*(Week 1=Step) Serenity Now
St Margaret's Church Rectory
6000 Riverdale Ave at 260th St
Enter on path between rectory & church
North Riverdale
8:00p Reg Woodlawn/Yonkers Group
St Mark's Lutheran Church
20 Kimball Ave
At Bronx-Yonkers border
one block south of McLean Ave
Woodlawn/Yonkers



Saturday
8:00p Reg Open East Tremont Discussion Group
Throggs Neck Presbyterian Church
3051 E Tremont Ave
East Tremont







AlAnon and Alateen:
AlAnon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.,
PO Box 872, Midtown Station,
New York, NY 10018-0862
212-356-9996, 1-800-356-9996.


http://www.al-anon.org/alalist_usa2.html#link33

^NEW YORK- Greater NY Al-Anon Family Intergroup Inc. (212-941-0094*) 350 Broadway, Ste 404, 10013, www.nycalanon.org

cdt

hi,i,m in need of a friend to help me cope with the probability separating fromof my husband after 23 yhears of marriage. he is now clean two years and we have been living apart for 18 month and have recently attempted to re-built but its not working because he feels the process of finding himself was interupted by coming back home. please help.

jcw1964

I can relate. My son is "experimenting" with drugs and alcohol. He is a 12 year old in an 18 year old body. He also has been diagnosed with depression and borderline narsasistic personality disorder but refuses to take his medicine. He makes terrible choices without thinking anything through. He thinks that he should be able to do anything he wants without any boundaries. I cant live like that so he left to live with his mother, who lets him do just about anything he wants. I have learned that he is going to have learn some lessons on his own, the hard way. And that is okay. He has to learn his own way without any interference from me. I wont enable and I wont intrude but I will protect myself and my daughter. He was going to have a drinking party while I was out of town. I found out and promptly took him to his mothers cause I couldnt trust him.

I agree with everyone else. Go to meetings. They have meetings here on this site. Read posts, talk to people. Listen and learn. It has helped me tremendously.

It wont be easy but it will be worth it.
Thanks
Jeff

Kahlia

YES, they do find the strentgh to quit killng themselves. I did. I was addicted to Dilaudid....very bad....alcoholic step-father, enabling mother. TOTAL chaos at my house......I learned that I had to STOP the cycle by stopping the use. She will need to do that when she gets ready and gets sick of herself..I know the pain she feels, the abandonment, the self-loathing etc. YOU have to believe that she will stop.....I believe in everyone....it is the hardest thing to get healthy....I have done it and I look back and shake my head and am sad at what Might have been if I was raised in a normal, loving home.....BUT who knows???? You are in my thoughts and prayers.....kahlia