LeadHatter

like having an emotional response to a problem that you are not sure actually exists or not. does anyone have any experience with this please

dollydo

Projecting into the future is fear based. Fear is a self imposed emotion, it keeps one stuck, it allows you to hide from a problem and all it does is make it worse.

I have enough trouble figuring out todays issues without worrying about tomorrows.

LeadHatter

yes dollydo have you ever had such an experience where by you were behaving in a certain way without knowing it? well i was. when i figured out the beans i was satisfied and happy. however after a sleep i found some new things in the new reality that i found unsettling. ive just had a talk wish someone so im alright again dollydo.

ill pm you details if you want but its a bit private for posting.

hope your doing well

dollydo

Yes, when I was with ex-abf I was behaving in a way that was totally out of character for me. Of coarse, when I was with him I was just plain crazy.

LeadHatter

strange isnt it

Im trying now to grapple with a bit of 'couple paranioa' i did another thread on it but i think because im ACA and my mum and dad used to pick on my and 'gang up' i tend to assume all couples operate this way - so because i have had difficulties with a couple i am obsessing a little as to what they will be saying between them. groups help me feel nervous, couples especially so - any sort of conflict with any part of a couple and i get totally anxious around both members of that couple - more ACA business? - this is a trend. something in my family history

from one problem to the next but progress indeed - thanks for the further reply

MMkM

You are probably going to have all sorts of emotions/thoughts/and even
concerns.

Growing up in an unstable environment where you were the scapegoat
between a couple (your parents) would perhaps make you more sensitive
to being concerned by this.

If the couple you mentioned are heavy drinkers then that might trigger your
anticipation even more so.

Have you gotten counseling, a book, or try even the SMART Recovery toolbox of tips that list coping skills.

I cannot stand loud verbal fighting, even on tv in a movie - I just turn it down. Brings back such unpleasant family moments. Know your limits when you are still in recovery.

LeadHatter

Thanks MMkM actually i am reading a book yes. SMART seems to be something alot of people find useful so i will check it out. I was on their website yesterday and looking at their shop.

Regarding my dilemma i think it boils down to 'misplaced loyalty', so once i was understanding this i could relax, the book i have is quite good, Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Geringer Woititz, but i am also considering that Heal The Child Within one by another author.

Thanks for your message. Yes i am driven

eaglette

Yes--Based on my past experiences, I find that I tend to be very guarded and am just recently beginning to outgrow my tendency to think negatively about any given situation and then twist myself into a downward spiral based on the fears I have created. Initiating my recovery was the first step toward breaking out of this useless pattern.