wanttobehealthy

I posted this in friends and family and another member gave the wise suggestion that I post this here...

D5 had her last day of Kindergarten yesterday. Her teacher sent home all her work journals that she practiced writing in each day (about what she was thinking about, had done, liked etc...)

I thought I'd sit down after the girls were in bed and after laundry was done and after I'd done job searching and enjoy reading through them.

Instead I found myself bawling.

The Monday after AH went on a terrible bender over Veterans day weekend D5 drew an enormous RED sun with black rays pointing out like knives and wrote "I seed a sun making a loud noise". I am no art therapist but as soon as I looked at it I felt sick. It's a disturbing picture.

There are many happy low key pictures too but not a single one about doing something happy as a family. It's either I had fun with my mom or I like playing with my Dad and many many pictures of I was nice to my sister.

Something about the ones that she drew of she and AH bothered me too. There was this desperation/sadness in the things she wrote like she was writing what she WISHED was happening or what she longed for.

And then equally sad were the ones of she and I. I am drawn in lots of red and black (which my friend at work who is the school psychologist tells me is a sign of anger) and even though she's writing about happy things that we actually did together, I'm black and red. Now, granted I have black hair but still...

So, seeing that was a HUGE slap in the face about just how traumatized my kids have been bc of alcoholism in the home and it's all I can do to not sit here and bawl right now.

dollydo

As you know, I post on F&F too.

I am the product of an alcoholic enviorment. Both my mother and father were heavy drinkers, they divorced when I was 1 1/2, and both proceeded to marry alcoholics. My father died 1 year ago, having been clean and sober for 10 years, he was 83. My mother is 85 and still going strong, drinking daily and abusing everyone in her path.

Children hear and see everything, although as children we don't always vocalize what we are feeling. I too, expressed myself in drawings, they were sad and a desperate cry for someone to help me. No one did, and I still bear the scars today.

I have very strong feeling about raising children in the home of an A. I will keep them to myself, however, I would advise you to pay attention to the drawings, she is trying to tell you something, she is reaching out for help.

Try and look at her world through her drawings, it may give you a better understanding of her turmoil, of how her life is being affected by this horrible disease.

I am sending warm hugs your way.

wanttobehealthy

Just to clarify-- she is not living with an active A. AH is not at home. He was during the year but isn't currently. I can't do anything about what happens to her when she is with him though and that will continue to impact her and I hate it. I own the role I have played and will carry that with me for a long time if not always. The worst feeling is knowing that I can not protect she or D3 entirely from the impact of alcoholism....

DesertEyes

Hello there WantToBe, and pleased to "meet" you

Just like the rest of the folks here I was raised in a crazy alcholoic home.

You go right ahead and bawl all you want. We'll sit with you and pass the tissues

and by the way, I don't see it as a "slap in the face". I see it as a child who knows quite clearly who she can trust with her innermost fears. She trusts her teacher, and she trust you, otherwise she would _never_ have made those drawings.

No, you cannot protect her. But that's not what we're supposed to do as parents. We're supposed to be a shelter where our children can come _learn_ how to survive and overcome the impact of all the hardships of life. The old story about teaching them to fly.

As far as I can tell, you are doing everything right for her. Whatever you did in the past is not relevant now. It's the example you are _today_ that is going to make a difference in her future. The fact that you are seeking help for yourself ( such as posting here on SR ) is _huge_. Just think of what a solid, healthy and wise Mom you are going to be when she becomes a teenager, or when she comes to you for advice on _her_ teenagers.

I know, cuz the young girl I helped raise came to me when _her_ teenagers were a handful. And whadya know, the oldest of my grandkids is now a Mom and everybody in that family knew _exactly_ what to do in order to be supportive and loving.

You're doing all the right things, WantToBe, and you're doing them well. Just keep hanging around here on SR and we can all learn and grow together.

Mike