LeadHatter

..have no control" Any idea what to DO about this trait. To change it

This is a trait from the book 'Adult Children Of Alcoholics' by Janet Geringer Woititz

DesertEyes

Hello there Kevin, and pleased to "meet" you

If you read further in that particular book, as well as the others by the same author, you will find an abundance of specific actions to take in order to change that trait and many others. In general, following the direction of an expert such as Ms. Woititz, or a 12 step program, or a therapist, is called "recovery".

There's many different forms of "recovery", which one works best for you is something you'll have to explore for yourself. As to your specific question, I suggest you read the whole book then do what's suggested in there.

Mike

LeadHatter

hey mike good to see you also Im i think having some antipathy to admitting i am ACA. I went through the same when i first became aware of the codependent personality syndrome. within the recovery community im now open and accepting i AM codependent. im not there yet mike with ACA

Thanks for the encouragement on your book I consider quality books and 12 step groups to be alternatives to therapy. your message suggest to me [or atleast how im reading it] that you concur.

Im blown away by allsorts right now. Quite honestly as an ex drinker i think there could be a valid case made for me to goto AA Al Anon CODA or ACA meetings or all of them. Wow 4 different groups. kewl

Its a bit of a shock though ACA. Codependency has some cloak of 'intellectualism' whereas ACA is more direct sort of im wrecked in the mind because i have a qualifier. Its a bit of a different path. Still its one i need to tread. Rock on mike

Im just on the introduction right now to the book i mention. I dont know maybe its because despite its deep dysfunction we were on the surface atleast a 'holy' family. Maybe because i am/was ACA when someone here showed me codependent no more i grabbed onto it. i tend to use religious idology and thoughts so i saw codependent no more as my 'bible' in actual fact thats the first time i have had to courage to say that for fear of blaspheming.

In any event i have a system of reading slowly drinking in the content and not moving on until i have digested it. Its a method that i have had experience with on codependent no more so i was doing the same with this ACA book.

I need to do some work on boundaries i think but im so tied into the idea of 'scarcity of help' and the 'special holy nature of it' that im frightened a little sad i know but i feel a compulsion to keep on progressing as i am page by page rather than jump to read something else.

DesertEyes

Hey there Kevin

no worries, there's no rush to work on that.

A lot of people do. If it helps you fix whatever is wrong in your life then I will support your choice.

well.... you're not supposed to go to _all_ of them at the same time. That's why they are _separate_ in the first place. The "general rule" is to see what problem will kill you the fastest, and focus on that first.

i.e.: ACA issues can drive you to deep depression, so it is important to address those.

Al-anon issues can drive you to live with someone that might kill you, so those are important.

AA issues can drive you to suicide while drunk, or death from driving drunk, or death from various alcoholic disorders, so those are important.

That's why in AA you'll hear things like "Go to a meeting every day for your first 90 days", but in al-anon they only say "try 6 different meetings until you find one that's comfortable".

Most folks will focus on AA for a few years, then replace one AA meeting with one al-anon meet and do that a few years, then try ACA, etc. etc. Works the same if you are a drug addict, or a food addict or whatever. Focus _all_ your energy on that which will kill you the fastest, and once you are comfortable and stable in that recovery then slowly slide into the others.

The idea is that if you spread yourself all over the recovery world you will spend too little time on too many things and you won't do _any_ of them right.

Do you have a sponsor in AA? Is that sponsor also in al-anon and ACA? That might be a good way to focus on one program while still keeping the others as well. My sponsor is in AA, ACA, al-anon and OA, so is helpful to me on pretty much all questions.

Anyway, just some ideas for you to consider.

Mike

LeadHatter

Luv yeagh accept it and let it go. Yeagh i big part of me wants to try that again. :>

The stuff about your emotions is what i have been taught recently i mean by melody beattie the codependent recovery author. Who are all these photos of by the way? On your avatar.

I dont live with an addict, my qualifier is my dad really. Boundaries are a new concept to me really. How codie am i! Good god. No wonder i 'hid' on line and in computers dang. He he he getting better now :> Its getting better every day, thats a song that

Don't living on the edge of a tornado have to do with rescues, and the karpman drama triange? I just discovered something called 'narcissistic rage' you may find it interesting. I'm not saying you have it but its something my father used to do

booksnlattes

@Mike... Thank you for your post. That was very helpful for me to read because I too could go to multiple recovery groups. I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed. I can see how spreading myself thin would be counterproductive. Your insights give me a lot to think about. Thank you again.