dbh

As I keep chipping away at all the layers of my adult child traits, I find myself getting angry when fears and insecurities re-appear.

I've been on a church committee for the past four years. Some new people joined and I was finding them to be gossipy and judgmental. We meet a couple of times in order to prepare for next year's event and I left both meetings feeling uneasy.

I decided that I have the ability to choose who I spend my time with (especially in volunteer activities), so I resigned from my position.

I told the woman that I co-chaired with that I was getting tired of all the criticism and negativity.

Now I'm getting emails from committee memebers telling me how much I'm appreciated and how they didn't mean to hurt my feelings (ugh).

I'm feeling guilty for speaking up, I'm questioning whether I over-reacted, and I'm wanting to hide from the entire group.

There's a part of me that wonders if I'm still creating dramas. There's another part of me that thinks this is just how "normal" people interact and resolve conflicts.

I hate conflicts! I hate criticism! I hate feeling like I'll never function like a normal person.

Looks like I'm being presented with another opportunity to grow. Although I'm not sure what the lesson is suppose to be yet.

Thank you for letting me share.

db

chicory

It sounds to me like they value your opinion, and are glad that you are part of their committee. You were not out of line to stand up for the values you felt should be held , and on deciding who you want to spend your time with. That sounds like healthy stuff to me.
It is hard to stand up, and speak out sometimes. I feel guilty when I stand up for what i feel is right. We are sometimes conditioned to not make waves. that is hard to break free from , for me too.
sounds like you are growing! And I would bet that your committee will be better for it.
It might be uncomfortable, but sometimes that happens and we have to hold our heads up, and go on taking care of business. it is hard for me too. dont doubt yourself. Work through the discomfort. Guess we get stronger with practice.
hugs
chicory

ladyscorpion

You sound so much like me. Until I found this forum today I had no idea that half of my personality traits were due to being raised by alcoholics and drug addicts. I don't really have much to add except to say that you aren't alone in those feelings. I'm exactly the same way. Standing up for myself is so hard and whenever someone argues against when I do it, I always want to shrink back, and manage to convince myself that I didn't have the right to do it. But chicory is right. We DO have that right. It's just hard to do it and you should be proud for doing what was best for YOU.

dbh

What push me over the edge was an email from one of the new committee members. She has been the most vocal/forceful about all the changes we should implement to make the event better. After the last meeting, I recommended that she head the event this year.

She sent me a short email asking when we could talk this week on the phone. I immediately jumped to conclusions and imagined a confrontational conversation. My husband reminded me that maybe all she wants to do is find out what's involved in running the event.

Her email still got me nervous and made me want to go into avoidance mode.

Thanks for responding. I truly value having some place to post when stuff like this comes up.

Warm Regards,

db

Seren

This is wonderful!!!!! And yes, yes you DO get to decide what you are going to do with this one, precious life.

Perhaps you can find another volunteer activity where the other volunteers have a positive and cheerful attitude toward the work. There are always plenty of volunteer opportunities in this world!

Best of luck to you, HG

justjo

Hi DBH

There's a saying -"sometimes you just dont know what you have got until you loose it"

Pretty much sums up how the committee is feeling huh? Dont feel bad, feel good to know that you were needed and you obviously did a great job. Its so easy for people to judge when they are just sitting back and letting other people do the real work.

I think you are fantastic. Keep it up girl..

JJ