He gets to me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: California
Posts: 147
He gets to me.
He gets that tone in his voice where you know he's just ready to pick an argument. It doesn't matter who it is or what it's about, he's gonna argue.
His voice will always be deeper than mine. His voice will always be louder than mine, and his twisted logic will always win because nobody can compete with an alcoholic. It's the game of life by their rules only or get the hell out of the way.
I will never be good enough. I could work my a$$ off for 3 days straight and he would still find something wrong. I will never be able to compete with the alcohol. Never.
Ok dad, you win. I give up. I'm tired of playing your game-- you cheat, lie and swindle for what you think you deserve. I'm done. Absolutely done.
I think it's time I go no contact... he's made me angry for the last time. I need to detach, and going no contact could really help me do that.
I REALLY needed to get that out.
His voice will always be deeper than mine. His voice will always be louder than mine, and his twisted logic will always win because nobody can compete with an alcoholic. It's the game of life by their rules only or get the hell out of the way.
I will never be good enough. I could work my a$$ off for 3 days straight and he would still find something wrong. I will never be able to compete with the alcohol. Never.
Ok dad, you win. I give up. I'm tired of playing your game-- you cheat, lie and swindle for what you think you deserve. I'm done. Absolutely done.
I think it's time I go no contact... he's made me angry for the last time. I need to detach, and going no contact could really help me do that.
I REALLY needed to get that out.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,902
Do whatever you need to do to take care of YOU. He's a grown man and can argue with the wall if he wants to. If he doesn't like you going no contact, well, it's like I always say...he can get glad in the same pants he got mad in. Take care of yourself. 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
I've found, with people who get that same tone of voice going right before they start arguing, that saying "The tone of voice you're using sounds like you're trying to pick a fight. If that's true, I will not respond." Then don't respond to anything that sounds vaguely fight-picking.
This does several things:
1. Puts the person on notice that you're well aware of what they're about to do
2. Puts them on notice that you refuse to participate in it
3. Brings what you already know out into the open (pointing to the elephant in the living room)
4. Reminds yourself not to get sucked into their stupid.
5. Braces you for the oncoming onslaught
I'm not saying you shouldn't go no contact, I agree with suki that you should do whatever you need to do to take care of YOU.
But your dad may not be the only person in your life that you run into where this skill of calling the argument and refusing to participate in it *before it starts* can be very helpful (and also a very clear drawing of boundaries!)
This does several things:
1. Puts the person on notice that you're well aware of what they're about to do
2. Puts them on notice that you refuse to participate in it
3. Brings what you already know out into the open (pointing to the elephant in the living room)
4. Reminds yourself not to get sucked into their stupid.
5. Braces you for the oncoming onslaught
I'm not saying you shouldn't go no contact, I agree with suki that you should do whatever you need to do to take care of YOU.
But your dad may not be the only person in your life that you run into where this skill of calling the argument and refusing to participate in it *before it starts* can be very helpful (and also a very clear drawing of boundaries!)
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