Fathers in Prison
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 1
Fathers in Prison
Well my dad went to prison when I was 14 for manufacturing meth. Well I am 25 now and I just went to see him for the first time in 7 years. It was a nice visit, but now he just always asks if I can put money on his books. I love my dad, but I don't know what to do. I sometimes feel as though I should just tell him I don't want anything to do with him, and don't want him around my kids. He is always asking why I didn't bring the kids to come see him. They don't even know him as their grandfather and I kinda don't ever want them to know him. He got 20 years, so he'll be out soon and my kids right now are 3 and 11months so when he gets out they will be at a very vulnerable stage in their life. My oldest will be around 9 and my youngest will be 6 or 7. I just wish he would care more about getting to know us then getting money for commisary. I'm stuck on what I should do.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi Ashley! Welcome to SR!!!!
I'm so sorry to hear about your childhood with your A father. It sounds as though you have been able to carve out a peaceful and stable life for yourself and your children!!!
Your father's requests for money certainly tell you a lot about his true intentions, don't you think? Most folks here would say NO to putting money on your father's books. In prison, basic needs are being met. Money is usually only used for extras like cigarettes. Plus, it may set a precedent for when he gets out.
I think your instincts about protecting your children are absolutely correct! Visitng a prison for children that young just never seemed like a good idea to me, but that is JMHO.
I hope you will stick around, read the "stickies" at the top of the forum, keep asking questions. You have found a great place filled with people who completely understand!
Hugs, HG
I'm so sorry to hear about your childhood with your A father. It sounds as though you have been able to carve out a peaceful and stable life for yourself and your children!!!
Your father's requests for money certainly tell you a lot about his true intentions, don't you think? Most folks here would say NO to putting money on your father's books. In prison, basic needs are being met. Money is usually only used for extras like cigarettes. Plus, it may set a precedent for when he gets out.
I think your instincts about protecting your children are absolutely correct! Visitng a prison for children that young just never seemed like a good idea to me, but that is JMHO.
I hope you will stick around, read the "stickies" at the top of the forum, keep asking questions. You have found a great place filled with people who completely understand!
Hugs, HG
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Sweet Ashley. I'm sorry for your predicament. I see my son in this post. Because his dad is a crack addict and he's been in and out of prison for years now. We no longer talk and he no longer sees his son, but back when we were together he ALWAYS asked for money for his books. He also always asked for me to bring our son to jail to see him. Even after I told him no a million times, he still asked. I just had to be strong and say no. Eventually I got sick of it and stopped visiting. It was like I didn't matter and our son didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was money on the books. Asking for our son to visit began to seem like some sick sort of manipulation.
I just want to give you a heads up that I think, putting money on the books for someone can definitely set a precedence. And once he realizes you are willing to do it, they will ask for more and more and more. Then, when he gets out, he will have many more needs that arise... it is quite possible he will ask you to help meet those too. These could include a place to stay, food, more money... I'm not saying it could happen. But it did in my case.
I wish I would have severed my relationship with my ex before he got out of prison. I wish my son never would have met his father.
I just want to give you a heads up that I think, putting money on the books for someone can definitely set a precedence. And once he realizes you are willing to do it, they will ask for more and more and more. Then, when he gets out, he will have many more needs that arise... it is quite possible he will ask you to help meet those too. These could include a place to stay, food, more money... I'm not saying it could happen. But it did in my case.
I wish I would have severed my relationship with my ex before he got out of prison. I wish my son never would have met his father.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: colstrip, montana
Posts: 237
Dear Ashley,
I'm sorry to hear you are in this "situation". I was very curious when I saw your post.
You see, I am dating a man who was in prison. Although I come from an alcoholic (both parents), no one went to prison. Of course, this was when my parents were still alive and meth was not as popular as it is today. (Thank God! If it were, I'm sure I would have LOTS more problems to deal with than I do!)
Anyhow, my boyfriend is an felon. He has not used since he got out of prison. He goes to meetings and therapy. He is doing pretty good, physically.
I enjoy my boyfriend's company, but I often wonder WHY his daughter is so close to him. Of course, she loves him, but it's almost as though he NEVER went to prison.
Two of his son's died (one by suicide) while he was "inside" and he never got closure for those deaths.
His daughter is sweet. She is married and she and her husband have three children, a set of twin girls and a one-month-old daughter. They are sweet to him. Everything looks okay from the outside.
I'm NOT saying he should feel guilty, but as an alcoholic myself, I wonder why I had (still do) have a hell of a time with guilt, and I wonder how he doesn't. I'm glad for my boyfriend and his family. I just wonder if it's for real. ( ! )
I'm sorry to hear you are in this "situation". I was very curious when I saw your post.
You see, I am dating a man who was in prison. Although I come from an alcoholic (both parents), no one went to prison. Of course, this was when my parents were still alive and meth was not as popular as it is today. (Thank God! If it were, I'm sure I would have LOTS more problems to deal with than I do!)
Anyhow, my boyfriend is an felon. He has not used since he got out of prison. He goes to meetings and therapy. He is doing pretty good, physically.
I enjoy my boyfriend's company, but I often wonder WHY his daughter is so close to him. Of course, she loves him, but it's almost as though he NEVER went to prison.
Two of his son's died (one by suicide) while he was "inside" and he never got closure for those deaths.
His daughter is sweet. She is married and she and her husband have three children, a set of twin girls and a one-month-old daughter. They are sweet to him. Everything looks okay from the outside.
I'm NOT saying he should feel guilty, but as an alcoholic myself, I wonder why I had (still do) have a hell of a time with guilt, and I wonder how he doesn't. I'm glad for my boyfriend and his family. I just wonder if it's for real. ( ! )
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