milwaukeeguy85

So recently I met this new girl that I am really starting to care for. And she askes me about my family life, but I continuously change the subject or give her half hearted one word answers. When I talk about that type of stuff I start to become weak and almost completely shut down. So I tend to use one liners or stupid jokes to deflect the problem.

We are taking things very slow.. but I think she can already tell that I have some skeletons in my closet regarding my family life, prior history on my own.

Currently I am self sufficient, employed etc.... So that type of stuff doesn't worry me.

I guess I just want to know if anyone here has had to explain how some of our past issues have shaped who we have become. I am a bit awkward of a person, but I think some of my past has given me desirable and undesirable characteristics.

all I know is I have been trying to focus on building MY life and I am afraid that I will almost be dropping an Atom bomb on this girl, that will cause her to view me differently than she does now. I am beyond terrified, but at the same time I think she has a right to know.

Has anyone else been in this situation? and if so how did you deal with it?

NorthernLight

I worry about this with every relationship, whether its friends, significant others or co-workers I'm close with. What I really have to think about is that what I grew up with is a big factor in my life and to understanding me. As of right now, only my 2 absolute closest friends, who I have developed a lot of trust with, know about my past. I don't bring it up often and nor do they prod me to talk about it, which is due to the fact that I have somehow learned to develop some healthy boundaries with them.

I really did worry tremendously before telling them if just telling them would lay this huge burden on them, and/or feel like dumping my emotional baggage on them and/or cause them see me this different light (a BAD light- like broken or hopeless). I worried that it would put a barrier between us instead of bringing us closer. But I am very glad I told them- while they can't completely understand, and that is a bit hard, they did not judge me for it and they have been very supportive.

I think you are wise to take it slow. I had a friend a while ago who I had really weak boundaries with and told this person a lot of personal things early on and it ended up just being this bad co-dependent cycle on both of our parts that I eventually needed to terminate, so I think it is definitely a good thing to take it slow and establish some boundaries and only really tell her when you feel ready to.
I think for me at least, it is a big step to be able to trust someone enough to tell them about your past (which puts you in a vulnerable position) while simultaneously maintaining healthy boundaries.

cb12

I completely identify with this. Thanks.

Wascally Wabbit

All I can say is that you never know how someone will react. She might even have her own skeletons. No one has the "perfect" life.

milwaukeeguy85

Thank you for the posts I finally got around to reading them today.

In all honesty I agree with your advice, but at the same time I CANNOT let my past dictate anymore of my life. I am terrified that she thinks I am hiding something I did, when that is not the reality. So i guess I just feel like I am at a crossroads:

Tell her (with risk of her being scared away) or Keep putting on a facade and dismissing questions she has when all she is trying to do is get to know me.

I guess it just feels like that no matter what I do it will haunt me for the rest of my life.