TOPIC: Oprah's Definition of FORGIVENESS
 

Hi SR. Im Sharon and Im an
Alcoholic here in Baton Rouge, La.

At 51 I am 20 yrs sober living
a happier life with a recovery
program as my foundation to
live by a day at a time without
alcohol as a part of it.

I am a adult child of a mom
who drank and took perscription
drugs growing up and experienced
verbal as well as physical abuse
from her.

From the time I left home
at 19 till I was 30, I drank
for many reasons but mainly
due to the resentments I held
onto because of the harsh
treatment I recieved as a child.

Today I continue to learn how
to put the past behind me and
grow from the pain I endured.

Yesterday I watch an episode
on Oprah about twin girls sexually
abused by family members.

I used the knowledge I heard
from that show and incorperated
it into my own situation.

As you know abuse comes in
all forms but its still comes
down to hurting someone.

In recovery we learn how to
let go of resentments towards
those that hurt us so we become
healthier happier people with
out using drugs or alcohol that
would or could destroy us.


Forgiving those that hurt or
harm us is very hard to do as
many of us know.

I have had to learn to forgive
my mom for the hurt she
caused me because of her
own illness, yet I can't forget.

Im hoping that what I learned
from watching Oprah yesterday
will help me move on further
in my own recovery letting go
of the past.




FORGIVENESS does not mean u
have to accept that person (mom,
father, brother, sister, relatives,
people you know) back into your
life.

You are not condoning what they
did to you nor what you are
saying what they did to u was ok.


Forgiveness is giving up
the hope that the past
could have been any different.


So u dont hold on to wishing you
had a different kind of parent,
mother, father, family...

You let that go and you move
forward with the grace that God
(or your own Higher Power)
has given you from this day on.


I heard the words and I have
typed them here to see yet they
need to sink in to understand
them completely.

If you understand and would
like to comment on them please
feel free to share your thoughts
to help me, urself and others
that have experienced abuse
at some point in their lives.

Thanks SR for being here for
me. :)

thank you so much for this aasharon.
it is such an important thought to get deep in my brain.
i want my children to learn too.
not to let me off the hook, but to let themselves off the hook.
how it could have been better, worse, different.

PS I am 51 too! ;)

Beth

Oh I love it. I wish I could have seen the program. Thank you for sharing. Those few lines say so much. I love when my rambling thoughts can be captures so articulately by a sentence or two!

I posted yesterday in another thread about how I let go of the anger and resentment through acceptance - it seems all tied in to me.

Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different. Yes. So powerful. It allowed me to forgive him and myself.

You let that go and you move forward with grace. Oh goodness yes. Letting that go, to me, is acceptance that I can not change the present reality to get a future fantasy. Let all that go. The resentments evaporate and we can move forward with grace. Love it.

I also managed to get to this a long time ago with my parents. My mom died many years ago so maybe in some ways that actually made it easier because there was not knew daily hurts or expectations surround an adult relationship. It took me a little longer with my dad (not an A). It really is freeing. My brother was not able to do that and it seems like a painful place to be.

I'm so glad I logged on to SR today - Thank you!

All I can think reading this is, logically I have given up ever thinking my childhood could be different or hoping my future with my mother could be different, guess I won't really let it go until I can give up the hope that my PAST could have been different, and if I'm honest with myself I know that's still there. Time, stupid time... :P

I think I would change the wording on that slightly. My past COULD have been different: my parents could have died and I could have been raised by someone else; I could have succeeded in my attempt to run away at age 14; I could have succeeded in the multiple suicide attempts.

But my past wasn't different, and as I don't own a time machine, my past simply cannot be different.

I would say "Forgiveness is accepting that the past was what it was, and that we have no way of changing what has happened in our lives previously. All we can do is change what is happening now and in the future."

Lovely thoughts all :)

There's many different versions of the same idea. The version I have heard is the ACoA version of the serenity prayer.

HP, grant me the serenity
To accept the past I cannot change.
The courage to change the future I can
And the wisdom to start today.

Mike :)