New revelations and major changes
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
Getting honest with myself. Next on my list is # 13 - locking myself into a course of action w/o giving the consideration needed related to outcomes or ignoring (irrationally) the potential and likelihood of a negative outcomes and then not being prepared for it.
A slight change in the wording to address my own behavior. I guess I am going for the big ones because they did the most damage. I actually see all the pieces related to one another. It is hard to be honest when you are guessing at what normal is, when your judgement is skewed, and can't take your self seriously.
It was obvious that i didn't risk tell anyone about my mother because then I would have to live in foster homes - be separated from my family - and grow up fast and alone. At least that is how I saw it then. I had lost my father and didn't want go through this.
My AH husband on the other hand had two parents who gave him everything but he ended up in foster homes, can't maintain a close relationship with anyone, and can't stay sober. He had everything but it didn't matter. Just shows me that sometimes we don't know what is going on really at any given time.
My honesty needs to be directed at my own choices and as I am thinking this through and writing I realize that I don't need to look far back to know that I can still spin on thin ice and that is not good. So I will stay in the present as much as possible for now.
A slight change in the wording to address my own behavior. I guess I am going for the big ones because they did the most damage. I actually see all the pieces related to one another. It is hard to be honest when you are guessing at what normal is, when your judgement is skewed, and can't take your self seriously.
It was obvious that i didn't risk tell anyone about my mother because then I would have to live in foster homes - be separated from my family - and grow up fast and alone. At least that is how I saw it then. I had lost my father and didn't want go through this.
My AH husband on the other hand had two parents who gave him everything but he ended up in foster homes, can't maintain a close relationship with anyone, and can't stay sober. He had everything but it didn't matter. Just shows me that sometimes we don't know what is going on really at any given time.
My honesty needs to be directed at my own choices and as I am thinking this through and writing I realize that I don't need to look far back to know that I can still spin on thin ice and that is not good. So I will stay in the present as much as possible for now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
This week I have shared with two more people my revelation. Both were supportive but one really gave me a 
moment once again!
My friend made this statement and then gave me a
" Well I am just glad that you did marry an A then, it gave you the chance to see the real issue that has been covered up for most of your life and not dealt with yet"
I was shocked but immediately saw it and began to understand that this work is what I really needed to do. My AH has been a vehicle and on some level i understood that point, but not so clearly.
My whole relationship with AH I kept repeating this phase: " You are just like my mother" and yet I did not really comprehend what I was saying. I have worked through many things that I blamed my mother for over the years but looking at her drug use never occured to me. I even remember many years ago a friend suggesting that I try alanon as an ACA and telling them I wasn't. He just responded saying " that is ok - you have most of the traits and it wouldn't hurt to learn how to take better care of yourself"
So, I got the book and I can't wait to start reading.
moment once again! My friend made this statement and then gave me a
" Well I am just glad that you did marry an A then, it gave you the chance to see the real issue that has been covered up for most of your life and not dealt with yet"
I was shocked but immediately saw it and began to understand that this work is what I really needed to do. My AH has been a vehicle and on some level i understood that point, but not so clearly.
My whole relationship with AH I kept repeating this phase: " You are just like my mother" and yet I did not really comprehend what I was saying. I have worked through many things that I blamed my mother for over the years but looking at her drug use never occured to me. I even remember many years ago a friend suggesting that I try alanon as an ACA and telling them I wasn't. He just responded saying " that is ok - you have most of the traits and it wouldn't hurt to learn how to take better care of yourself"
So, I got the book and I can't wait to start reading.
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