Guilt for the guiltless

Old 01-16-2011, 05:26 PM
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Guilt for the guiltless

I can say without a doubt that I am not an alcoholic, I believe that's pertinent to this. Going out with my friends last night I tried to actively stop taking myself so seriously. I had an absolute blast. We were out for twelve hours and I didn't think twice (as I never do) about ordering a water throughout the night. I decided later in the evening that I felt like having a beer. No pressure from my friends they are respectful and encouraging of what I'm doing by trying and work through my past, and they have actually attempted to understand where I'm coming from as an ACA reading up and listening to the thing I have learned in general and about myself. However I found that halfway through my one beer I was gripped with a sudden feeling of guilt as I thought, "what's in this can did all of this destruction, if I drink this am I going to fall into the same trap my parents did.Where is the line?" I did nothing wrong, nothing destructive, but suddenly I felt completely nauseous and guilty that I was having one drink.
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Old 01-17-2011, 12:55 AM
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I just got a personal response from an individual and as I don't have enough posts it wont allow me to answer directly. The content of the response ( I apologize if I in any way distort the message.) is that ACOA are at a great risk of becoming alcoholics and possibly it was my subconscious warning me to not take the chance.
I of course thank this individual very much for taking the time to contact me, and I wish I could have responded directly

The more brazen side of me says, do I want to live in fear that I may turn around and become an alcoholic the next time I pick up a drink when I have drank and have a healthy respect for it and strong control. Or is living in abject terror of a possible impending future any healthier than the fear I learned growing up. I don't want to be someone who lives in fear, fear of the unknown, fear of what COULD happen. Isn't that exactly what spurred on half of how I feel now? Never sure how the day would go because its a 50/50 crapshoot?....

I do 100% feel confident that I'm not afraid of becoming an alcoholic. It feels more like I should feel guilty for drinking. Almost like if I drink I'm saying what my parents did was correct, that its okay. I know currently I'm hyper sensitive, I spent most of my life thinking my parents were just people who drank to have fun, (every night). Recently I have begun to see how much it affected me. I always thought I was just defective because no one around me seemed to struggle with the issues that I'm now learning are very common for ACOA's are the exact ones I had.
I have a very wise friend who reminds me often that extremes aren't the way to live, everthing in moderation. I really do feel confident it isn't a fear of impending alcoholism, I don't believe however that going from a world of ignorance of how much this affects me to a world of complete fear of alcohol is any safer. I want to have a healthy repect for it but fear is still fear and thats no way to live. I'm not sure if I'm coming across clearly, as is obvious concerning this I'm a bit muddled. Thank you very much for taking the time to answer me, and if you have anything else I would be very interested to hear it.
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Old 01-17-2011, 07:02 AM
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I never drank much, when I did drink -- but when my wife went to treatment and got sober almost 15 years ago, I gave it up as well. That sh*t's poison, and neither you nor I need it.

They've done some research ("they" being people at the University of Chicago and elsewhere) showing that alcoholics have physiological differences from "normies" in terms of how their brain and liver respond to and process alcohol. The AA Big Book talks about how Dr. Bob felt that alcoholism was a physical illness -- back when the book was written, there wasn't much research to back it up, but now there is.

If you have to drink to have fun, that's fake fun. It's pervasive in our culture, but f890 it -- we don't need it. All the rationalizations in the world -- goofy names for mixed drinks, excuses people give cops, explanations for why they're just "celebrating," whatever -- it's all BS. If you want to have a drink, go ahead -- I can do without it.

The best part is... how much my wife and I save on the cost of a meal in a restaurant. I forget about that, until we go out with people who are drinking, and their tab ends up being almost twice what we're paying!

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