Hi, Im new
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Edmonton. Alberta
Posts: 3
Hi, Im new
Hi,
So this is the first time i have ever done anything like this to help with my drinking but I have had it and I feel like I need a little support.
I have some issues that go beyond alcohol which may or may not contribute to why I began abusing alcohol as an escape. I was molested between the ages of 6-12 and I am 27 now. Two times it was by male cousins and once was by my best friends brother. I never told anyone about these things until I had my second child and it was a girl. I felt like everything came right back to me the I would have horrible nightmares and would fear for anything like this ever happening to her. I have never seen anyone professionally about my fears or about what happened to me. I do realize I should and I will I just am not ready to go into all that right now.
I started binge drinking when I was eighteen on weekends because drinking made me feel powerful and confident or so I thought.. before meeting my husband I was in and eight year (on and off) relationship with a guy who I though would I would be with forever. He ended up starting to sell really bad drugs and then in turn doing them himself. Which lead to him being mentally, emotionally, and then even physically abusive, and I put up with that for far longer then most people would. Then finally had enough when he put me in the hospital with a concusion and bruised ribs.
I then met the love of my life and we were happier then ever when we found out we were expecting a baby boy. I thought my life was finally turning around for the better and that Between my husband and new son I finally had something to live for. After my c section I was in excruciating pain and found out I had an intenal infection and that the drugs the put me on were not safe for me to breastfeed. So I felt like a failure not being able to breastfeed my brand new baby. So the drinking began.. at first on weekends then on almost every night during the week. Then we had our daughter when my son turned 15 months. I breastfed her till she turned one and again after the nightmares and fears constantly were coming I began to drink to not have to think about any of it.
Well my son is going to be Five and my daughter will be Four in the summer and I am absolutely sick tired of using alcohol to numb myself of my ****** past. I want bright new future with my beautiful family. I havent drank since January 10th, 2011 and I know thats not a long time but considering I would have drinks almost every single night that is good for me. I know I more then likely am going to need to see someone about all the crap i have dealt with in my life but I feel like the thought of that more than anything right now makes me want to drink rather then trying to leave it alone and just continue not drinking.
Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this i sincerely appreciate it!!
** Also I posted in this section cause both of my parents are high functioning alcoholics who I do love dearly but wish they too would seek help**
So this is the first time i have ever done anything like this to help with my drinking but I have had it and I feel like I need a little support.
I have some issues that go beyond alcohol which may or may not contribute to why I began abusing alcohol as an escape. I was molested between the ages of 6-12 and I am 27 now. Two times it was by male cousins and once was by my best friends brother. I never told anyone about these things until I had my second child and it was a girl. I felt like everything came right back to me the I would have horrible nightmares and would fear for anything like this ever happening to her. I have never seen anyone professionally about my fears or about what happened to me. I do realize I should and I will I just am not ready to go into all that right now.
I started binge drinking when I was eighteen on weekends because drinking made me feel powerful and confident or so I thought.. before meeting my husband I was in and eight year (on and off) relationship with a guy who I though would I would be with forever. He ended up starting to sell really bad drugs and then in turn doing them himself. Which lead to him being mentally, emotionally, and then even physically abusive, and I put up with that for far longer then most people would. Then finally had enough when he put me in the hospital with a concusion and bruised ribs.
I then met the love of my life and we were happier then ever when we found out we were expecting a baby boy. I thought my life was finally turning around for the better and that Between my husband and new son I finally had something to live for. After my c section I was in excruciating pain and found out I had an intenal infection and that the drugs the put me on were not safe for me to breastfeed. So I felt like a failure not being able to breastfeed my brand new baby. So the drinking began.. at first on weekends then on almost every night during the week. Then we had our daughter when my son turned 15 months. I breastfed her till she turned one and again after the nightmares and fears constantly were coming I began to drink to not have to think about any of it.
Well my son is going to be Five and my daughter will be Four in the summer and I am absolutely sick tired of using alcohol to numb myself of my ****** past. I want bright new future with my beautiful family. I havent drank since January 10th, 2011 and I know thats not a long time but considering I would have drinks almost every single night that is good for me. I know I more then likely am going to need to see someone about all the crap i have dealt with in my life but I feel like the thought of that more than anything right now makes me want to drink rather then trying to leave it alone and just continue not drinking.
Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this i sincerely appreciate it!!
** Also I posted in this section cause both of my parents are high functioning alcoholics who I do love dearly but wish they too would seek help**
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello ThisTime, and pleased to "meet" you 
I'm glad you decided to write here, that's what SoberRecovery is for.
Makes perfect sense to me. I've heard a lot of people share exactly the same thing at meetings. I know the reason that I started "self medicating" with booze was because of my lousy childhood. That's not why I _continued_ to drink. I continued because I liked the feeling, I liked the way it made me feel, and then I found that I could not _stop_, even when I wanted to.
Well of course. That's the way it was for me too. If you take a minute to read the other forums that deal with getting sober you will see that nobody goes digging into their past right away. That comes much later.
It _is_ a long time. Ask around, anybody will tell you the first few days are the most difficult. Congratulations on sticking it out that long.
How are you doing today? What kind of support to you need to stay sober just for today?
Mike
Originally Posted by Thistime4good 
.... So this is the first time i have ever done anything like this to help with my drinking but I have had it and I feel like I need a little support.....
Originally Posted by Thistime4good
.... I have some issues that go beyond alcohol which may or may not contribute to why I began abusing alcohol as an escape. ....
Originally Posted by Thistime4good
.... I know I more then likely am going to need to see someone about all the crap i have dealt with in my life but I feel like the thought of that more than anything right now makes me want to drink rather then trying to leave it alone ....
Originally Posted by Thistime4good
.... I havent drank since January 10th, 2011 and I know thats not a long time....
How are you doing today? What kind of support to you need to stay sober just for today?
Mike
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Edmonton. Alberta
Posts: 3
Thank you for your response and I will certainly spend some time exploring the site for more info.
Originally Posted by DesertEyes
Hello ThisTime, and pleased to "meet" you
I'm glad you decided to write here, that's what SoberRecovery is for.
Makes perfect sense to me. I've heard a lot of people share exactly the same thing at meetings. I know the reason that I started "self medicating" with booze was because of my lousy childhood. That's not why I _continued_ to drink. I continued because I liked the feeling, I liked the way it made me feel, and then I found that I could not _stop_, even when I wanted to.
Well of course. That's the way it was for me too. If you take a minute to read the other forums that deal with getting sober you will see that nobody goes digging into their past right away. That comes much later.
It _is_ a long time. Ask around, anybody will tell you the first few days are the most difficult. Congratulations on sticking it out that long.
How are you doing today? What kind of support to you need to stay sober just for today?
Mike
I'm glad you decided to write here, that's what SoberRecovery is for.
Makes perfect sense to me. I've heard a lot of people share exactly the same thing at meetings. I know the reason that I started "self medicating" with booze was because of my lousy childhood. That's not why I _continued_ to drink. I continued because I liked the feeling, I liked the way it made me feel, and then I found that I could not _stop_, even when I wanted to.
Well of course. That's the way it was for me too. If you take a minute to read the other forums that deal with getting sober you will see that nobody goes digging into their past right away. That comes much later.
It _is_ a long time. Ask around, anybody will tell you the first few days are the most difficult. Congratulations on sticking it out that long.
How are you doing today? What kind of support to you need to stay sober just for today?
Mike
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