Alcoholic father refusing help and he has mild cirrhosis
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2
Alcoholic father refusing help and he has mild cirrhosis
Hi, I am new here and quite nervous about all of this. I need someone who will understand, I'm going crazy trying to help my alcoholic father.
He's been a severe alcoholic for the past 30 years. 20 years ago he was sectioned for detox and then rehab but after he relapsed and never, ever got help again.
Fast forward now, he's in an awful way (depression) has only had one bath in six months etc, was drinking half a bottle of whisky a day, had rats in his home, no lighting/heating, wasnt eating and was being sick, having the runs, and so I stepped in to help him.
I'm only a young person myself (22) and feel like the parent. I have my own problems with mental illness, too. He is dependent on me for everything. I took him to the doctors about three weeks ago, and he lies, refuses impatient admission for detox, refuses social services - infact refuses everything.
He had a blood test and his kidneys are okay, but his liver results came back not okay and we found out today. The doctor said his liver was stressed from his drinking and mentioned cirrhosis, though apparently its only 'mild'. He has to go back in a couple of weeks for another blood test and if the results are still the same, he has to have a liver scan.
His symptoms:
He has a very slight yellow tint to his eyes.
He looks bloated/pregnant.
He has lost weight.
Doesnt eat, and when he does not much.
Frequently is ill/being sick/the runs.
Either sleeping all the time or not at all.
Despite all this he will still continue to drink. I know you cant tell me his prognosis but if he still drinks with 'mild' cirrhosis, what happens?
He's been a severe alcoholic for the past 30 years. 20 years ago he was sectioned for detox and then rehab but after he relapsed and never, ever got help again.
Fast forward now, he's in an awful way (depression) has only had one bath in six months etc, was drinking half a bottle of whisky a day, had rats in his home, no lighting/heating, wasnt eating and was being sick, having the runs, and so I stepped in to help him.
I'm only a young person myself (22) and feel like the parent. I have my own problems with mental illness, too. He is dependent on me for everything. I took him to the doctors about three weeks ago, and he lies, refuses impatient admission for detox, refuses social services - infact refuses everything.
He had a blood test and his kidneys are okay, but his liver results came back not okay and we found out today. The doctor said his liver was stressed from his drinking and mentioned cirrhosis, though apparently its only 'mild'. He has to go back in a couple of weeks for another blood test and if the results are still the same, he has to have a liver scan.
His symptoms:
He has a very slight yellow tint to his eyes.
He looks bloated/pregnant.
He has lost weight.
Doesnt eat, and when he does not much.
Frequently is ill/being sick/the runs.
Either sleeping all the time or not at all.
Despite all this he will still continue to drink. I know you cant tell me his prognosis but if he still drinks with 'mild' cirrhosis, what happens?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
If he continues to drink with "mild" cirrhosis, it will eventually become advanced cirrhosis. Untreated alcoholism leads to death. Unfortunately, if he is adamant that he won't get treatment, there's not much you can do. It sucks, I know, but you cannot help someone who refuses help.
Welcome to SR. We are here to support you.
Welcome to SR. We are here to support you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2
Thanks ever so much for your reply. I know he will eventually pass away if he doesnt stop drinking, I'm just wondering time frames. I dont know if it will be quick or long. The doc did say it was mild...whats the normal outcome of someone with mild liver issues/cirrhosis who carries on drinking? does it then progress quicker? all replies so welcome.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: colstrip, montana
Posts: 237
Dear hurtingdaughter,
First of all, I wish I could give you a hug. I know exactly how you feel. My father was my hero. Aside from his incessant need for alcohol, he had all the qualities I would like to have. He was intelligent, charming, brilliant, and had the BEST sense of humor. Everyone loved to be around him when he was sober, or even drinking. They did not see him in his last days on earth, like I did. It was not pretty. To this day, people still come up to me and tell me what a great guy he was! Many times I wanted to say to them: "....So, why did he drink himself to death? Why did he not quit while he was ahead?!!" If I had THAT much going for me, I would have loved to live and enjoy the loving attention that everyone gave me! I wouldn't have needed alcohol at all!
So, here I am, the daughter of an alcoholic. I was a quiet kid. Okay, actually, I was a depressed kid, although I didn't know it until I got out of treatment several years later! I would have LOVED to have my father's characteristic traits! People loved to be around him! He could play any musical instrument perfectly and had a beautiful singing voice. He never had a lesson in his life, and couldn't read music. I studied music and majored in music in college, but never attained the level he did, musically.
I am just a quiet, alcoholic woman who misses her father terribly. He died in 1992. My daughter was born in 1993 and never got to meet him. My co-dependent mother died in 1980. After my mother died, my younger sister tried to take care of my father. Like you, she tried to be a "parent" to her alcoholic father. At that time, I was busy in my own disease of alcohol and drugs. I was no help to him, or them, or to ANYONE for that matter!
My sister grew-up and moved away and my father's condition deteriorated. It got so bad! I could definitely relate to you as you stated your father's present condition.
Fast forward....... I got sober. I was so busy trying to get my own foundation of sobriety that I wasn't too much help to my father. So you can give yourself credit for that! I also went on anti-depressants and started to enjoy life without depression. For the first time, I looked around and life was full of promise! I reveled in it.
My father died. He was caught in a house fire. He lived in one of the upper levels of his apartment building. My little sister later told me that he had talked about leaving the gas on in his apartment and then blowing up the place. I never knew that he talked like that. I knew he was depressed but he KNEW about A.A. He chose NOT to be a part of it. When we were kids, BOTH my parents went to treatment and were sober for over a year. So, I knew they could do it and so did they! I don't know what made them go back to drink!
For years, I wrestled with the guilt of not being able to save my father. But, the more I worked a program of my own, the more I was able to let go of that guilt. I know my father loved me too and I believe he would NOT want me to hang onto the guilt. He lived the life he chose. I wish he would have done it differently, but he didn't. End of story.
I miss him today. I feel very alone in the world sometimes. My sister lives many miles away and has started in her own addictiions. *sigh* Sometimes, if I let it, I can get depressed. But, I gotta remember to take care of myself. God made me. I am not going to condemn his handiwork. They say we were created in his image. I am doing good just to stay positive myself.
I have said it many times. "You can lead a horse to water....... but you can't make him drink." How true.
Sorry I have no further words of advice. But, you are in the right place here. Just keep posting. I will pray for you.
First of all, I wish I could give you a hug. I know exactly how you feel. My father was my hero. Aside from his incessant need for alcohol, he had all the qualities I would like to have. He was intelligent, charming, brilliant, and had the BEST sense of humor. Everyone loved to be around him when he was sober, or even drinking. They did not see him in his last days on earth, like I did. It was not pretty. To this day, people still come up to me and tell me what a great guy he was! Many times I wanted to say to them: "....So, why did he drink himself to death? Why did he not quit while he was ahead?!!" If I had THAT much going for me, I would have loved to live and enjoy the loving attention that everyone gave me! I wouldn't have needed alcohol at all!
So, here I am, the daughter of an alcoholic. I was a quiet kid. Okay, actually, I was a depressed kid, although I didn't know it until I got out of treatment several years later! I would have LOVED to have my father's characteristic traits! People loved to be around him! He could play any musical instrument perfectly and had a beautiful singing voice. He never had a lesson in his life, and couldn't read music. I studied music and majored in music in college, but never attained the level he did, musically.
I am just a quiet, alcoholic woman who misses her father terribly. He died in 1992. My daughter was born in 1993 and never got to meet him. My co-dependent mother died in 1980. After my mother died, my younger sister tried to take care of my father. Like you, she tried to be a "parent" to her alcoholic father. At that time, I was busy in my own disease of alcohol and drugs. I was no help to him, or them, or to ANYONE for that matter!
My sister grew-up and moved away and my father's condition deteriorated. It got so bad! I could definitely relate to you as you stated your father's present condition.
Fast forward....... I got sober. I was so busy trying to get my own foundation of sobriety that I wasn't too much help to my father. So you can give yourself credit for that! I also went on anti-depressants and started to enjoy life without depression. For the first time, I looked around and life was full of promise! I reveled in it.
My father died. He was caught in a house fire. He lived in one of the upper levels of his apartment building. My little sister later told me that he had talked about leaving the gas on in his apartment and then blowing up the place. I never knew that he talked like that. I knew he was depressed but he KNEW about A.A. He chose NOT to be a part of it. When we were kids, BOTH my parents went to treatment and were sober for over a year. So, I knew they could do it and so did they! I don't know what made them go back to drink!
For years, I wrestled with the guilt of not being able to save my father. But, the more I worked a program of my own, the more I was able to let go of that guilt. I know my father loved me too and I believe he would NOT want me to hang onto the guilt. He lived the life he chose. I wish he would have done it differently, but he didn't. End of story.
I miss him today. I feel very alone in the world sometimes. My sister lives many miles away and has started in her own addictiions. *sigh* Sometimes, if I let it, I can get depressed. But, I gotta remember to take care of myself. God made me. I am not going to condemn his handiwork. They say we were created in his image. I am doing good just to stay positive myself.
I have said it many times. "You can lead a horse to water....... but you can't make him drink." How true.
Sorry I have no further words of advice. But, you are in the right place here. Just keep posting. I will pray for you.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
What a heavy burden you carry! How can you bear it all?
You really need respite from this. Have you joined alanon? Make friends and get so much support.
Unfortunately we can't make the decision to quit for the A. If they don't make that decision themselves, there's nothing we can do for them.
We can however, start to learn how start doing things for ourselves that we so ignore while caring for an A.
I hope you find peace soon.
You really need respite from this. Have you joined alanon? Make friends and get so much support.
Unfortunately we can't make the decision to quit for the A. If they don't make that decision themselves, there's nothing we can do for them.
We can however, start to learn how start doing things for ourselves that we so ignore while caring for an A.
I hope you find peace soon.
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