Feel like I'm the one being kicked out of the family....
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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Originally Posted by GingerM 
Is it possible that you're sensitivity to the treatment you are receiving from your parents & siblings is making you see things that aren't actually there? Or interpret behavior that is developmentally appropriate (trying to separate from ones primary caregivers) as being more nefarious than it actually is?
Your childrens' opinion of you is largely formed by now (assuming they're all in the teen range of age). Your family would have a difficult time changing their opinion of you. Even if your family was telling the truth (which they aren't, and I'm sure your son/children can see that), it would still take a tremendous amount of time for your children to change their opinion of you. After all, how long did it take you to fully understand your own parents and their behavior? How long do you think it would have taken if other people were telling you that your parents had a problem if they didn't?
It took me years of watching the behaviors before I could admit to myself that the people I loved were badly damaged. I would not have believed it if they actually weren't badly damaged. Your son may be acting the angsty teenager bit, but he's not blind. If you can keep him from getting into drugs/alcohol problems, he will not believe what your family says about you. Only if his mind gets soured as theirs has will he believe it, and then only as an excuse to continue destructive behavior.
Your childrens' opinion of you is largely formed by now (assuming they're all in the teen range of age). Your family would have a difficult time changing their opinion of you. Even if your family was telling the truth (which they aren't, and I'm sure your son/children can see that), it would still take a tremendous amount of time for your children to change their opinion of you. After all, how long did it take you to fully understand your own parents and their behavior? How long do you think it would have taken if other people were telling you that your parents had a problem if they didn't?
It took me years of watching the behaviors before I could admit to myself that the people I loved were badly damaged. I would not have believed it if they actually weren't badly damaged. Your son may be acting the angsty teenager bit, but he's not blind. If you can keep him from getting into drugs/alcohol problems, he will not believe what your family says about you. Only if his mind gets soured as theirs has will he believe it, and then only as an excuse to continue destructive behavior.
Yes, I do think (even at the time I thought) I might be overly sensitive because of other things. I have the same issue with my daughter, who talks up a storm. It drives me crazy, and I know that part of the reason is because I feel like I'm trapped in a room with my mother all over again, being talked at endlessly. Yet, I don't want to be like my mother and criticize her when she's not really doing anything wrong per se.
I think it also highlights that my kids really are pretty good kids, since this behavior actually is unusual for them.
I suppose the reason it still concerns me is that I always figured, with so many people telling me I was a screw-up, I was obviously the common denominator having trouble with all of them, and I'm afraid it's going to look that way to my kids, too--gee, Mom 'can't get along with' her parents, siblings, husband, in-laws. I now see the common denominator is not me, but alcoholism, growing up in it, marrying into it. And I see clearly the reasons why my not-so-great husband looked a whole lot better than what I was coming from.
It took me years of trying to jump through those hoops and quit being such a difficult screw-up in everyone's life before I finally reached a point where there was NOTHING left I could do to fix the issues they said they had with me, and I finally started to see that I wasn't the only factor AND maybe more importantly, that I had absolutely no problem getting along with everybody else, from all walks of life, all ages, in fact, had a lot of respect and admiration from, pretty much anybody who wasn't in constant contact with...my mother or my husband.
I do wonder if it took me that long to see that, how long it will take the kids to see that.
It means a lot to me to have people here listening and willing to give back to help each other out.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Hey,
I am new to these boards but wow, if these are the things I will be able to read on here I will be on here for good. I admire you for laying it all out there about how you are feeling. That is very brave. Your thread title caught my attention but its EXACTLY how I feel. I have been dealing with those feelings for the last 6 months or so and its slowly eating me away. Its actually why I am here. I never thought so many others would struggle with the same things due to the choices of our parents. If you ever need to talk, I am here to listen. I completly understand what you are going through, I feel the same way... like the reject in the family. How messed is that?
Hang in there love.
I am new to these boards but wow, if these are the things I will be able to read on here I will be on here for good. I admire you for laying it all out there about how you are feeling. That is very brave. Your thread title caught my attention but its EXACTLY how I feel. I have been dealing with those feelings for the last 6 months or so and its slowly eating me away. Its actually why I am here. I never thought so many others would struggle with the same things due to the choices of our parents. If you ever need to talk, I am here to listen. I completly understand what you are going through, I feel the same way... like the reject in the family. How messed is that?
Hang in there love.
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