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Im an aca- have three grown children. three grandchildren. loves of my life.
newwest grandbaby is 1. was born early- two months premature. he is beautifully healthy, thank God. He is high maintenance, as the parents say, and they are so right. he had acid reflux, and for months could not sleep laying down. so, it has been a hard road for them, but he is doing s o well. he does not always nap as he could, and is pretty high strung, maybe from the fact that they have had to do so much to calm him (when very young) and he just learned to walk- so much fun but so much work.
today i called his mommy- my daughter, and she was frustrated and tired. her hubby was augering the yard(?) and baby could not fall asleep. dad is so wonderful too, they are very good together and supportive and have done this together all the way. baby has had a cold,and did not sleep much last nght. daughter gets mad if i say, maybe he might have little ear ache? cause daughter suffered with them as a child. i do often try to help. it is hard for me to listen to her tell me of the tough day without trying to help - to suggest things. daughter gets mad at me, she wants only support and listening, which i am learning to do, but ,maybe not quick enough
today, when I mentioned checking for a small fever in case of ear ache, she got frustrated again, and said, It's just Jack mom. high maintenance. just how it is. well, this bothers me, and i told other daughter, about sis having a hard day. and that it makes me sad when she says "it just jack mom". i told other daughter that this makes me sad, as it sounds like jack can choose. it is product of him being preemie. other daughter went off on me, not even trying to understand, on purpose i think. she wants to make me sound like i think babys mommy is not being tolerant enough, or is being mad at jack which i do NOT think for even a second. she is a wonderful mommy, and is so patient and they ahve a great life, tho it is tough at time.s so much better as he gets older and can do more.
but it just makes me crazy when she says, "its just jack mom." I do not like to hear that. i feel daughter is tired and frustrated when she says that, and she knows it is only cause he was a preemie,a nd is challenging. i know she is tired.
other daughter i confided in made me feel like a jerk. i have told babys mommy the same thing, tho and not talking behind her back. she gets mad when i tell her that too. she and hubby are both high strung. and sometimes i just want to say, "no, its just you".
i hate being mis understood, it pushes all kinds of buttons for me. it is hard to listen to my poor tired daughter without want ting to help her. my mom helped me a lot, with advice and it never bothered me. i dont understand sometimes.
they love it when i come over and help and i do it a lot. and was there for her during the tough few months and did more than my share of walking jack to sleep, for hours sometimes. we all did.
sorry, but i am just feeeling that i never do anything right today. i hate the dysfunctional vein that runs through our family. ugh.
chicory (dont have a smiley with a foot in mouth, or i'd post it here)
newwest grandbaby is 1. was born early- two months premature. he is beautifully healthy, thank God. He is high maintenance, as the parents say, and they are so right. he had acid reflux, and for months could not sleep laying down. so, it has been a hard road for them, but he is doing s o well. he does not always nap as he could, and is pretty high strung, maybe from the fact that they have had to do so much to calm him (when very young) and he just learned to walk- so much fun but so much work.
today i called his mommy- my daughter, and she was frustrated and tired. her hubby was augering the yard(?) and baby could not fall asleep. dad is so wonderful too, they are very good together and supportive and have done this together all the way. baby has had a cold,and did not sleep much last nght. daughter gets mad if i say, maybe he might have little ear ache? cause daughter suffered with them as a child. i do often try to help. it is hard for me to listen to her tell me of the tough day without trying to help - to suggest things. daughter gets mad at me, she wants only support and listening, which i am learning to do, but ,maybe not quick enough
today, when I mentioned checking for a small fever in case of ear ache, she got frustrated again, and said, It's just Jack mom. high maintenance. just how it is. well, this bothers me, and i told other daughter, about sis having a hard day. and that it makes me sad when she says "it just jack mom". i told other daughter that this makes me sad, as it sounds like jack can choose. it is product of him being preemie. other daughter went off on me, not even trying to understand, on purpose i think. she wants to make me sound like i think babys mommy is not being tolerant enough, or is being mad at jack which i do NOT think for even a second. she is a wonderful mommy, and is so patient and they ahve a great life, tho it is tough at time.s so much better as he gets older and can do more.
but it just makes me crazy when she says, "its just jack mom." I do not like to hear that. i feel daughter is tired and frustrated when she says that, and she knows it is only cause he was a preemie,a nd is challenging. i know she is tired.
other daughter i confided in made me feel like a jerk. i have told babys mommy the same thing, tho and not talking behind her back. she gets mad when i tell her that too. she and hubby are both high strung. and sometimes i just want to say, "no, its just you".
i hate being mis understood, it pushes all kinds of buttons for me. it is hard to listen to my poor tired daughter without want ting to help her. my mom helped me a lot, with advice and it never bothered me. i dont understand sometimes.
they love it when i come over and help and i do it a lot. and was there for her during the tough few months and did more than my share of walking jack to sleep, for hours sometimes. we all did.
sorry, but i am just feeeling that i never do anything right today. i hate the dysfunctional vein that runs through our family. ugh.
chicory (dont have a smiley with a foot in mouth, or i'd post it here)
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Hey Chicory
My youngest son had bad reflux problems too up until he was 2yrs old. I still remember it and he is nearly 21. Boy I remember sleepless nights, crying because I thought I was doing something wrong.
Try not to let this get to you personally, your daughter is probably that frustrated and tired she is snapping, thats all. You said she loves it when you go over and help, so maybe when you talk on the phone shes at her tether, you know. Your grandson will probably grow out of it as mine did. My son still cant swallow tablets of any sort or he will throw up.
I know you love your family very much, just try to sit back a bit and let them deal with it. Your daughter is more than likely saying 'its just jack' because it is. My son was the same. Once he starts to eat more and more solid foods he will get better. I always tried to force feed my son but he wasnt a big eater, the doctor use to tell me that - he will eat when he needs too.
Your daughter and hubby sounds like very caring parents, try not to worry about your grandson, Im sure they are doing everything for him that he needs. If he has an earache he will start rubbing at it and they will know.
Loveya chic, JJ
My youngest son had bad reflux problems too up until he was 2yrs old. I still remember it and he is nearly 21. Boy I remember sleepless nights, crying because I thought I was doing something wrong.
Try not to let this get to you personally, your daughter is probably that frustrated and tired she is snapping, thats all. You said she loves it when you go over and help, so maybe when you talk on the phone shes at her tether, you know. Your grandson will probably grow out of it as mine did. My son still cant swallow tablets of any sort or he will throw up.
I know you love your family very much, just try to sit back a bit and let them deal with it. Your daughter is more than likely saying 'its just jack' because it is. My son was the same. Once he starts to eat more and more solid foods he will get better. I always tried to force feed my son but he wasnt a big eater, the doctor use to tell me that - he will eat when he needs too.
Your daughter and hubby sounds like very caring parents, try not to worry about your grandson, Im sure they are doing everything for him that he needs. If he has an earache he will start rubbing at it and they will know.
Loveya chic, JJ
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Thanks for the replies.
Anvilhead-I need to work on that, I really do. thanks for the direction.
justjo,
i am glad to know that they grow out of it. It seems he may he allergic to his rice milk now. she weaned him from breast milk at 1year, and he has been on rice milk since. he is allergic to soy and lactose. so, it is quite difficult. I guess I need to not worry so much. that is so hard for me.
I think that I felt that he is so fragile- with his rough start- that anything about him that seems to not be going right, just makes me worry so much. I know he is probably not fragile- just needs his digestive tract to mature more. He is walking now, as of this week . so , he is a little behind, but he is healthy otherwise.
I tell my girls to not be sad when i die- they can say"well, at least she is not worrying now".
you poor mom- that must have been a long two years! And now they have much more information about reflux than they did even 10 years ago. I know you were a good mommy, and that you probably dont feel that you have caught up on your sleep yet!
thanks for the reassurance. it helps. I just have been so on edge all day. somedays, i can't even pinpoint what i am upset about. strange , huh?
love ya too,
hugs,
chicory
Anvilhead-I need to work on that, I really do. thanks for the direction.
justjo,
i am glad to know that they grow out of it. It seems he may he allergic to his rice milk now. she weaned him from breast milk at 1year, and he has been on rice milk since. he is allergic to soy and lactose. so, it is quite difficult. I guess I need to not worry so much. that is so hard for me.
I think that I felt that he is so fragile- with his rough start- that anything about him that seems to not be going right, just makes me worry so much. I know he is probably not fragile- just needs his digestive tract to mature more. He is walking now, as of this week . so , he is a little behind, but he is healthy otherwise.
I tell my girls to not be sad when i die- they can say"well, at least she is not worrying now".
you poor mom- that must have been a long two years! And now they have much more information about reflux than they did even 10 years ago. I know you were a good mommy, and that you probably dont feel that you have caught up on your sleep yet!
thanks for the reassurance. it helps. I just have been so on edge all day. somedays, i can't even pinpoint what i am upset about. strange , huh?
love ya too,
hugs,
chicory
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
You are a loving mother and grandmother, you raised your children, perhaps it's time for you to let your children raise their children.
What worked for you and your mother may not work, today, for you and your children.
What worked for you and your mother may not work, today, for you and your children.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Originally Posted by chicory 
i hate being mis understood, it pushes all kinds of buttons for me. it is hard to listen to my poor tired daughter without want ting to help her. my mom helped me a lot, with advice and it never bothered me. i dont understand sometimes.
they love it when i come over and help and i do it a lot.
they love it when i come over and help and i do it a lot.
Perhaps you've misunderstood her and thought she wanted answers or ideas and all she needed and wanted was to cry on her mama's shoulder a minute. It strengthens her. See, I would bet those phone calls aren't about Jack and what you could offer him, they are about what you could offer her.
She's smart. She'll figure out what Jack needs. She loves him. If you are sure of these things you can quit parenting Jack, and just parent Jack's mom. Not by telling her what to do or look for, but by giving her a place to fill up on love, patience, and confidence. Advice when she isn't asking for it tears down her confidence, love and comfort will bolster it.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I am a mummy of a baby who was not prem but teeny tiny when she was born.
She NEVER slept and sometimes I thought I was going to die of tiredness.
She does not really sleep now either. She hates being in her pram, cot, highchair etc etc. Just wants to be cuddled.
In the early days, my mum and others used to suggest things to help and I would fly off the handle with them, much to my regret. I couldn't help it.
I used to bristle with anger when suggestions (such as colic, night terrors etc etc) were made. I often took it as they believed I was not capable of looking after a baby. I doubt it was meant like that at all.
I think though, the whole reason for this was sheer tiredness. End of.
I also think the term HALT applies here, but there is not much you can do about when you are caring for a baby.
I think my point is, try not to take it personally. It's just the tiredness and fustration talking.
Take care
xx
She NEVER slept and sometimes I thought I was going to die of tiredness.
She does not really sleep now either. She hates being in her pram, cot, highchair etc etc. Just wants to be cuddled.
In the early days, my mum and others used to suggest things to help and I would fly off the handle with them, much to my regret. I couldn't help it.
I used to bristle with anger when suggestions (such as colic, night terrors etc etc) were made. I often took it as they believed I was not capable of looking after a baby. I doubt it was meant like that at all.
I think though, the whole reason for this was sheer tiredness. End of.
I also think the term HALT applies here, but there is not much you can do about when you are caring for a baby.
I think my point is, try not to take it personally. It's just the tiredness and fustration talking.
Take care
xx
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
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Perhaps you've misunderstood her and thought she wanted answers or ideas and all she needed and wanted was to cry on her mama's shoulder a minute. It strengthens her. See, I would bet those phone calls aren't about Jack and what you could offer him, they are about what you could offer her.
Perhaps you've misunderstood her and thought she wanted answers or ideas and all she needed and wanted was to cry on her mama's shoulder a minute. It strengthens her. See, I would bet those phone calls aren't about Jack and what you could offer him, they are about what you could offer her.
Fact is, I knew that she did not want advice, but I just cant seem to stop trying to fix things for others.
Thank you for this. I need to learn that i have something to offer, in the way of support, and it does not always have to be a solution to their problems.
hugs,
chicory
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
I have been in your daughters shoes many times, I'm still in that place many times, because someone I am close to is always doing it to me and it drives me nuts
Since beginning on my own journey of recovery last year I have a lot more self awareness and realized that I do it to other people all the time too! Ugh - and so it goes
I'm compelled to give advice not only when I'm not called to but even when I don't know what I'm talking about! I'm compelled to fix other people's problems. I have anxiety about it.
I am getting very good at asking myself "Did they actually request my advice?" and if they did not make an outright request - I keep quiet. I know from how I feel that unwanted advice misses the mark at best, feels like criticism at worst.
I have a harder time in my job because I have training and I am supposed to provide feedback and input. Even there I am learning to take a minute and think "What does this person need - support or more information? Is what I'm about to say really what they need? Do they really not know the information I have?" I am getting better at this and it is helping relieve my anxiety surrounding the need to fix things. I can also listen and meet their need for support right at this moment and provide useful information at a later time. I'm losing that intense anxiety about needing to fix someone else's problem right at this minute.
Since beginning on my own journey of recovery last year I have a lot more self awareness and realized that I do it to other people all the time too! Ugh - and so it goes
I'm compelled to give advice not only when I'm not called to but even when I don't know what I'm talking about! I'm compelled to fix other people's problems. I have anxiety about it.I am getting very good at asking myself "Did they actually request my advice?" and if they did not make an outright request - I keep quiet. I know from how I feel that unwanted advice misses the mark at best, feels like criticism at worst.
I have a harder time in my job because I have training and I am supposed to provide feedback and input. Even there I am learning to take a minute and think "What does this person need - support or more information? Is what I'm about to say really what they need? Do they really not know the information I have?" I am getting better at this and it is helping relieve my anxiety surrounding the need to fix things. I can also listen and meet their need for support right at this moment and provide useful information at a later time. I'm losing that intense anxiety about needing to fix someone else's problem right at this minute.
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