Spirit08

My dad "drank himself to death." He was 62 when he died in December 1999. I never talked to him or saw him he was so bad. He was homeless at one point too. I was embarrased. He married an alcoholic who drank like he did. I was able to visit him on his death bed and sat with him as he lay dying. It was a relief when he finally died. Knew it was coming for over 10 years.

Honestly, I am closer to him now than I ever was when he was alive.

I too remember the good things about him.

What's even better, is that now that I understand the illness of alcoholism, it makes it much easier to forgive him. He keeps me sober 1 day at a time. Don't talk about it much, because I'm in a different fellowship. Thank you for letting me share.

God Bless.

Kindeyes

Spirit08
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm glad that you are able to keep some of the good thoughts of him in your heart. If his memory is helping to keep you sober one day at a time, he has given you a great gift.

gentle hugs

DesertEyes

Thank you for sharing, Spirit. When my parents died I went thru a lot of strange and unexpected feelings. I was able to find closure after his passing, and to forgive him, which I was never able to do while he was alive.

and no, you're not the only one, there's a whole bunch of us over here and you're welcome to visit, share, not share or just hang out.

Mike

Spirit08

Thanks. I want to cry reading your replies. Mike, I don't feel alone anymore. Every day he makes his presence known in one way or another. There's always something in front of me that makes me think of him.. it's surreal.

My brother was responsible for his burial. His ashes are in some public area of the cemetary that I went to on Father's Day, my first year in sobriety. Was so upset that I found myself sitting in front of the dumpster! Figured that's where he ended up! Anyway, I found an unmarked grave for the flower.

Not sure why I've been thinking of him so often. My parents divorced when I was 9.

My mother broke all of his liquor bottles in the sink and threw him out. I was the youngest of four and the only one who didn't want him to go.

I begged him to let me live with him.

Anyway, I don't miss him much anymore. I spent my life pushing him away and now it feels like I'm in the same room with him.

Thanks for listening...I really do need to post about my MOTHER! man oh man...

DesertEyes

oh good, I'm glad to hear that.

It certainly is. For me it was like a huge kettle full of emotions that I had no idea was bubbling over. When it did there was no way to tell one emotion from the other, it was just a big "soup".

You don't need a reason why. Not with us, we've all been there. Just go ahead and feel whatever you want to feel and we'll be right here for you.

Well sure. the death of a parent is a huge event in anybody's life. On top of that us ACoA's have our own "additional luggage" involved. Think of it this way, if you felt absolutely _nothing_ ..... well _that_ would be unusual.

No worries. This is a "no pressure" zone. We heal at our own pace in our own time.

Mike