SuperDaughter

Hi all,

I'm new here & have been reading all your stories. So glad to know I'm not alone here.

The thing is, I don't know anybody else who has an elderly parent (my 78-year-old mom) who is addicted to meth. She started using it in her 50's, and I didn't find out until many years later. Between her and my 38-year-old brother who lives with her, they are a mess. There are felons going in and out of their house, and it just isn't safe to go over there anymore.

Since neither of them have ever sought recovery, my sister and I are going to instead. We're going to our first nar-anon meeting tomorrow. I'm looking forward to a time when I don't constantly worry about my mom and all the dangerous people she allows in her home. She should be enjoying her life and her grandchildren, and it breaks my heart that her life has come to this.

She is about to lose her home (which is paid for) due to unpaid property taxes, and I have been trying to come up with a way for them to stay in the house. After a lot of stress, I realized that it's not my responsibility. Geez, why would either of them ever seek recovery when I'm always coming to the rescue?!?

Anyway, glad to have found this place & thanks for letting me vent a little. =)

suki44883

Welcome to SR, superdaughter. You will find much support and help here. You might want to post this in our Friends and Family forum. It gets more traffic and you will meet a lot of people who understand what you are dealing with.

Here's the link:

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Sasha4

Good for you and your sister - just make sure you are doing it for you, and not to try guilt your mum into stopping.

I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you to deal with this.

My mum struggles with drink and it destroys me to see her destroying herself. I want to look up to her but it is so hard when she constantly lets us down. Her behaviour is often childlike.

How did you find out she was doing this? Does she not want to stop at all? Meth is not a big problem in my country so I don't know that much about it - but is it a problem with the elderly?

I wish you all the luck in the world.

xx

dollydo

Welcome and so sorry that you have to deal with this mess.

My parents were both alcoholics. My Dad stopped 20 years ago, my Mom is still slamming the drinks down at age 84. Hard to believe, but true, she has been drinking for 65 years and is still alive.

All I can say is..both your mother and your brother are both adults, and, there is nothing you can do to correct their situation, their life.

If she loses her house, so be it, they both need to fall to their knees before they can stand back up. If they choose recovery, great, if they don't, it is their problem, not yours.

I am so glad that you are going to attend meetings, believe me , they will help. Also, have you read "Codependent No More", great book, your local library will have it. Please read it, it will open your eyes.

I do not mean to sound harsh, I just know that the only person you can control/help is you.

Keep posting, we are here for you.

SuperDaughter

We started suspecting it about 5 or 6 years ago. My sister confronted my mom when she had some white powder under her nose. Of couse, my mom told her she was crazy & said a bunch of other hateful things. About a year later, I got a call from my mom's neighbor saying she was hallucinating, saying people were running around in her house, etc. She looked like she had been up for days. I took her to the hospital and asked the doctor to drug test her. She tested positive for meth. Even when confronted with factual information, she still denied using it right to our faces.

Amazingly, she was able to fool me for many years. It started when I was in high school, and I'm 40 now.

I can talk 'til I'm blue in the face, but I'm so sick of talking about it now. Looking forward to recovery for me. =)

Sasha4

You look after yourself..... I am often given the guilt trip because I have moved an hour's drive away from my parents, and sometimes it gets to me but other times it does not.

I try to remind myself - did the have me just so I would be at their beck and call?

I know just say, when my mother has been drinking, I will talk with you when you are sober and hang up. It works to be honest.
If she starts trying to guilt trip me about how bad her life is then I simply say 'well booze must make it much worse I should imagine' and that often stuns her into silence.

I think you and your sister should start looking after each other and enjoying doing things together. Your mum thinks she knows how to enjoy herself, and until she realises what she is doing, leave her to it.

Has she changed a lot from the meth use - such as her appearance, her personality, her home, how she acts etc etc? I am just interested because I know so little about this drug and how it impacts on peoples lives.


xx

mikefreak

This is a new one for me-where is she from-Krypton?

Sasha4

Is that about me Mike cos I don't know that much about meth?

xx

wicked

Sasha4,
I think MikeFreak was talking about superdaughters mother using meth for so long. from her in high school to her 40's, it usually gets you locked up for good or dead by then.
like mom is made of kryptonite.

Beth

Sasha4

Aww thanks wicked. You have stopped me from worrying. Thought I had caused some upset....I did not mean to be nosey - I'm just interested to learn.


xx

mikefreak

Yes Sasha- I meant no disrespect. My sense of humor gets me in trouble sometimes!

wicked

that and that song is now stuck in my head!
will you still call me superman?

arghhhhh!

gotta go get some coffee and listen to loud alternative now!

superdaughter, i have had that feeling before too.
super title, number 1 daugher of alcoholic infantry officer.
oh yeah.
think jack nicholson in a "few good men", that was my dad on a good day!


"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!''

SuperDaughter

Yes. Her skin has a grayish tinge, and she is COVERED with crank sores (from picking at the "crank bugs"). She talks a mile a minute about nothing in particular; trying to have a conversation with her is exhausting. And her home has fallen into a terrible state of disrepair. She is about to lose a home that she's lived in over 50 years and has been paid off for at least 20. When my sister and I moved out, nothing was maintained. Apparently we were the glue holding thw place together. I always thought it was because two incomes walked out the door, but now realize it was because two addicts were left behind.

Honestly, I'm surprised she's still alive too. Like I said, she started using when she was in her mid-50's (when I was in high school), and that's been about 23 years now. Prior to that, she always used barbituates, soma, valium, etc. and spent a lot of our childhood asleep. It's funny, my mom has never touched alcohol and has always bragged about that. For many years I thought she was a saint. Turns out she's just a good liar. I feel like I had "CHUMP" stamped across my forehead all those years! Everyone who knew what she was up to probably thought my sister and I were so stupid and so naive for believing her (and my brother). Oh well. At least I didn't become an addict too, and I'm so thankful for that.