best 12 step tools to use to alleviate fear
 

hi,

sometimes when I am with my partner at his house, or at my Mums, maybe moreso when they are doing things around the house, I feel a deep-seated fear mixed with a tinge of anger. I feel it is irrational or perhaps misplaced concerns over changes in my life but what 12 step tools can I use to alleviate the fear, when it arises?

rather than eating my feelings or some other compulsion.

:ring

I figured its most likely some sort of PTSD adult child baggage. irrational antsy.

reaching out for your help.

Sorry to know of your situation.....:hug:

All I know is prayer helps me immensley to be calm.
Sending one to you for peace.

Hello there utopia :)

I use a lot of different tools for that. First, I break it up into two _smaller_ problems.

One problem is the "triggers" that cause the fear to pop up in the first place. What I do for that is write down on paper the situations I am in that cause those triggers to happen. The people, things that are said, actions being done. Once I have that I can prepare myself mentally knowing that certain situations cause triggers and do something distracting, or step out of the room, or participate in the activity so I am not feeling passive and out of control.

A separate problem is what to do once the fear is there. The biggest help there is Step 11. I take time every day to do a little prayer and meditation. That is just a way to exercise serenity so I can _feel_ it when I want it at later times. When I get fear, or any other negative emotion, I can just remember all those times I spend doing step 11 to help me "unwind".

Recovery tells me that fear is a negative expectation. Expectation is my mind attempting to control the world around me by predicting the future. Therefore, I only fear when I am trying to control the world to match my desires, instead of controlling my desires to match the world. Which is the long way of explaining the Serenity Prayer ;)

Take all of the above and I realize that I have to take action in my life to be emotionally prepared for those situations I cannot change, without attempting to control them. I hand them over to my HP cuz they're just not on my "job description" and just focus on those things I _can_ change, like me.

It doesn't completely take the fear away, but it lowers the intensity considerably to where I can just take a deep breath, thank the HP for the good things in my life, and get back to living life as best I can.

Mike :)